Ho hum. Superbowl.
I shamelessly declare that I did not see one minute of it!
Yay :)
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
God and Lungs
So much has happened since my last post. I can't go into detail about it all...but I'll give it a small effort.
Thursday night, after journal-making, I went to the prophecy meeting. The routine went as normal. Dr. Heth spoke for a while, we worshiped, and then the main student guy described the prophecy process. Like I explained a post or two ago, the guy picks four people randomly, and then everyone else tries to hear from God about those four people. Anyways, before I went, I had a feeling I would get chosen, and I did! Paul told me afterwards that he had had a feeling I would get chosen too. I was excited but nervous. The nerves wore off though after the first guy was prophesied over. The first thing anybody said was from this guy who got the picture from God of a shark fin in the water, but then a dolphin jumps out of the water, and there really is no shark. He said the thought that meant that the guy has no reason to be afraid about something in his life. The guy sitting next to me (who was getting prophesied over) just started to break down in tears immediately. It really seemed like God reached him. He sobbed for several minutes. I don't see any reason why a guy would do that unless God broke through something in his life...
Anyway, after a while, my turn came. I got several responses, but I will mention the most common ones here. Multiple people got images of rushing water. The first person saw a rainstorm, that was making a flood of constant love. Then he saw Noah, and thought this meant that I will tell others of God's love. Someone else saw a showerhead, gushing out water, and interpreted this to mean love coming down as well. Someone else saw a waterfall, with water increasing, and paving new river beads. He saw this to mean that I will be able to reach new people through love. One person got the image of eyes. He felt God was saying that I will be able to see people, and see people who are hungry for God. A girl saw a clock with the hands moving backwards. She said that God will take care of time. When she said that, I immediately thought of the wedding and how I worry about the future. I know it is a general statement (everyone probably has time issues), but still it was comforting. A guy said he saw me standing in a racetrack. But all the cars stopped. He said maybe God wants a calm on your life. One girl had a distinct image of a little girl in a village that was on fire, but then she finds me, and I keep her safe. I don't know what this means, but I thought it was interesting. Many people saw different images of stars. Someone said God guides the stars, he'll guide you. There were many many other things people said but I can't write them all down here...
I walked away that night feeling very encouraged. I don't know how many of those things were actually directly from God, but it was at least encouraging that people were trying to hear from God. I can't say I had a dramatic revelation from God about my life. But I did feel God's presence and was inspired to desire him more, so it definitely was worth it. That was my second time there, so I'm still new to it all. I'm not going to limit God in the way he works.
By the time I got home that night, it was almost midnight. I read in bed for a while and then I got a text from Liz at 1:30am. It read:
"My left lung collapsed and I just had surgery."
!!!
Long story short, she has spontaneous something thorax. She got a hole in her lung somehow (my guess is laughing too much!) and so when she breathed the air was escaping the lung instead of circulating. So air was filling up outside her lung, where it wasn't supposed to be, and the pressure from the outside air caused her lung to collapse. So they did surgery and stuck a tube in there to suck the unwanted air out. I drove over to spend the night with her there at the hospital the night of, and she was so out of it and drugged up that she could hardly stay awake. The nurses were all really nice though and took care of her well. She fell asleep and I was trying to sleep on this chair, but it had huge armrests on it, so I couldn't curl up. The room was dark now and the nurses were gone. This is weird but I asked God, "how can I get comfortable in this chair?" I was thinking there had to be a way I could sleep on it. Immediately after I thought that, a nurse walked in and was like "Oh, let me make that into a bed for you!" She pulls on something underneath the seat and two entire new sections come out of the chair! And wah-lah! It's a full sized padded bed. Then she brings me sheets and blanket (I already had my pillow). It was awesome, and I actually slept well! Anyways, Liz is doing a lot better now and should be out of the hospital on Wednesday or Thursday. Her dad and best friend from home (NY) drove over to see her and are with her now. And my goodness! Liz has the best attitude ever! I woke up in the morning that day, and she's telling me how blessed she is, and how lucky she feels that God is using her and will use this experience in her life!
I think I've hit my word limit for the day. Sleepy time!
Thursday night, after journal-making, I went to the prophecy meeting. The routine went as normal. Dr. Heth spoke for a while, we worshiped, and then the main student guy described the prophecy process. Like I explained a post or two ago, the guy picks four people randomly, and then everyone else tries to hear from God about those four people. Anyways, before I went, I had a feeling I would get chosen, and I did! Paul told me afterwards that he had had a feeling I would get chosen too. I was excited but nervous. The nerves wore off though after the first guy was prophesied over. The first thing anybody said was from this guy who got the picture from God of a shark fin in the water, but then a dolphin jumps out of the water, and there really is no shark. He said the thought that meant that the guy has no reason to be afraid about something in his life. The guy sitting next to me (who was getting prophesied over) just started to break down in tears immediately. It really seemed like God reached him. He sobbed for several minutes. I don't see any reason why a guy would do that unless God broke through something in his life...
Anyway, after a while, my turn came. I got several responses, but I will mention the most common ones here. Multiple people got images of rushing water. The first person saw a rainstorm, that was making a flood of constant love. Then he saw Noah, and thought this meant that I will tell others of God's love. Someone else saw a showerhead, gushing out water, and interpreted this to mean love coming down as well. Someone else saw a waterfall, with water increasing, and paving new river beads. He saw this to mean that I will be able to reach new people through love. One person got the image of eyes. He felt God was saying that I will be able to see people, and see people who are hungry for God. A girl saw a clock with the hands moving backwards. She said that God will take care of time. When she said that, I immediately thought of the wedding and how I worry about the future. I know it is a general statement (everyone probably has time issues), but still it was comforting. A guy said he saw me standing in a racetrack. But all the cars stopped. He said maybe God wants a calm on your life. One girl had a distinct image of a little girl in a village that was on fire, but then she finds me, and I keep her safe. I don't know what this means, but I thought it was interesting. Many people saw different images of stars. Someone said God guides the stars, he'll guide you. There were many many other things people said but I can't write them all down here...
I walked away that night feeling very encouraged. I don't know how many of those things were actually directly from God, but it was at least encouraging that people were trying to hear from God. I can't say I had a dramatic revelation from God about my life. But I did feel God's presence and was inspired to desire him more, so it definitely was worth it. That was my second time there, so I'm still new to it all. I'm not going to limit God in the way he works.
By the time I got home that night, it was almost midnight. I read in bed for a while and then I got a text from Liz at 1:30am. It read:
"My left lung collapsed and I just had surgery."
!!!
Long story short, she has spontaneous something thorax. She got a hole in her lung somehow (my guess is laughing too much!) and so when she breathed the air was escaping the lung instead of circulating. So air was filling up outside her lung, where it wasn't supposed to be, and the pressure from the outside air caused her lung to collapse. So they did surgery and stuck a tube in there to suck the unwanted air out. I drove over to spend the night with her there at the hospital the night of, and she was so out of it and drugged up that she could hardly stay awake. The nurses were all really nice though and took care of her well. She fell asleep and I was trying to sleep on this chair, but it had huge armrests on it, so I couldn't curl up. The room was dark now and the nurses were gone. This is weird but I asked God, "how can I get comfortable in this chair?" I was thinking there had to be a way I could sleep on it. Immediately after I thought that, a nurse walked in and was like "Oh, let me make that into a bed for you!" She pulls on something underneath the seat and two entire new sections come out of the chair! And wah-lah! It's a full sized padded bed. Then she brings me sheets and blanket (I already had my pillow). It was awesome, and I actually slept well! Anyways, Liz is doing a lot better now and should be out of the hospital on Wednesday or Thursday. Her dad and best friend from home (NY) drove over to see her and are with her now. And my goodness! Liz has the best attitude ever! I woke up in the morning that day, and she's telling me how blessed she is, and how lucky she feels that God is using her and will use this experience in her life!
I think I've hit my word limit for the day. Sleepy time!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
"You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills..."
On Sunday, Paul mentioned that we should do more art type things together. This got me thinking that I don't really have very many hobbies/skills. I don't have any skills like knitting, or cooking, or marathon running, or flying a helicopter, or burping the alphabet. I just have the essential skills like driving a car and tying my shoe laces.
So, I dug in my brain to see what skill I wanted to develop. Because skills don't just appear out of nowhere! You gotta practice them. I decided that it would be nice to know how to make something. So then I thought of making journals! So I started researching this, (hence my last post)...found some sites, and found that it seemed to be more complicated than I expected (if I wanted to do a nice job). Then I remembered that my church (exit 59) was doing a journal making ministry! So I emailed the guy and sure enough, they were meeting the next day to make journals! They are selling the ones they make to try to buy women in Africa out of the sex trade...eventually a team will go there and teach them how to make the journals... so cool! So I went on Monday and I'm going again tonight! I don't think I'm very good at it, but practice, they say, makes perfect.
Oh! Cool thing happened! Today in Contemporary Christian Belief, Speigel talked about developing moral skills. Every virtue or fruit of the Spirit is a skill that needs to be developed...through practice. It seems pretty basic, but that was pretty dawning to me. By the way, my Book of Virtues still hasn't come yet, and I've been faithfully checking my mail every day! Haha, maybe they do that on purpose to make you develop patience! Ho ho! How clever.
Anyway, I'm excited about this new goal for myself now to get some skills! They say self-control is the most important fruit of the Spirit...because all the other virtues branch off of it.
Also, I'm excited about and interested in this new group that has been happening on campus...where students can practice prophecying. I've very slowly (over years) been more open to trusting God's work through spiritual gifts (it started with Ivory!). Last Thursday, I went to the meeting, and the group practiced trying to hear from God to prophecy over four different students. I've never really done something like that before, and it was obvious that God was working through people. I practiced for the first time saying what I thought God was telling me and "prophecied" over two different people. It was a step of faith each time because I wasn't 100% sure that it was God speaking to me...but that's the whole reason they started this group. So that people can practice in a safe environment and learn how to hear and discern God's voice. In a way, we are developing the skill of discernment to recognize God's voice. I'm very excited to go again tonight (9pm at the old prayer chapel)! :)
Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. ~1 Cor. 14:1
So, I dug in my brain to see what skill I wanted to develop. Because skills don't just appear out of nowhere! You gotta practice them. I decided that it would be nice to know how to make something. So then I thought of making journals! So I started researching this, (hence my last post)...found some sites, and found that it seemed to be more complicated than I expected (if I wanted to do a nice job). Then I remembered that my church (exit 59) was doing a journal making ministry! So I emailed the guy and sure enough, they were meeting the next day to make journals! They are selling the ones they make to try to buy women in Africa out of the sex trade...eventually a team will go there and teach them how to make the journals... so cool! So I went on Monday and I'm going again tonight! I don't think I'm very good at it, but practice, they say, makes perfect.
Oh! Cool thing happened! Today in Contemporary Christian Belief, Speigel talked about developing moral skills. Every virtue or fruit of the Spirit is a skill that needs to be developed...through practice. It seems pretty basic, but that was pretty dawning to me. By the way, my Book of Virtues still hasn't come yet, and I've been faithfully checking my mail every day! Haha, maybe they do that on purpose to make you develop patience! Ho ho! How clever.
Anyway, I'm excited about this new goal for myself now to get some skills! They say self-control is the most important fruit of the Spirit...because all the other virtues branch off of it.
Also, I'm excited about and interested in this new group that has been happening on campus...where students can practice prophecying. I've very slowly (over years) been more open to trusting God's work through spiritual gifts (it started with Ivory!). Last Thursday, I went to the meeting, and the group practiced trying to hear from God to prophecy over four different students. I've never really done something like that before, and it was obvious that God was working through people. I practiced for the first time saying what I thought God was telling me and "prophecied" over two different people. It was a step of faith each time because I wasn't 100% sure that it was God speaking to me...but that's the whole reason they started this group. So that people can practice in a safe environment and learn how to hear and discern God's voice. In a way, we are developing the skill of discernment to recognize God's voice. I'm very excited to go again tonight (9pm at the old prayer chapel)! :)
Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. ~1 Cor. 14:1
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
it feels so wrong...
Ugh, I feel so annoyed. I hate how it's just expected to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding. That's stupid. It feels wrong. I feel like Paul and I started the wedding planning out pretty simple (so I could stay in college, go figure), but my mother and future new mother (in-law) are wanting to spend more money on it than I'm comfortable with. It just feels so wrong to blow so much money for one day. I want the day to be about God, not how everything looks. My future mother-in-law bought us an over $1000 wedding cake for Christmas. I was shocked and humbled, but I also have this other feeling now...just uncomfortable with it I guess. I just can't justify spending $1000 on food, much less cake. I don't know, it just feels so strange. I don't know how I should feel. Thankful? It is a very nice thing to do, but I would never spend my own money that way, so I guess it's hard to accept. It's not like I can reject her gift though. That would seem so rude.
And now I just got a quote back from our florist consultation: $1,350. Gah! Another $1000 that will be gone after that one day. Sigh. I just can't handle it. I just can't handle throwing money away like that. It seems so wrong. The only thing I really ever cared to spend money on was the wedding dress...that could at least be passed on to my daughter someday. But spending on things that are just going to get tossed in the garbage later...how is that okay???
I guess my mom already went out and bought tablecloths and some table decorations...I have no idea what she spent on those...
I want it to be simple from here on out...new florist please!! I don't want to feel guilty walking down the aisle...
And now I just got a quote back from our florist consultation: $1,350. Gah! Another $1000 that will be gone after that one day. Sigh. I just can't handle it. I just can't handle throwing money away like that. It seems so wrong. The only thing I really ever cared to spend money on was the wedding dress...that could at least be passed on to my daughter someday. But spending on things that are just going to get tossed in the garbage later...how is that okay???
I guess my mom already went out and bought tablecloths and some table decorations...I have no idea what she spent on those...
I want it to be simple from here on out...new florist please!! I don't want to feel guilty walking down the aisle...
coffee & books
Well, I was just going to go to bed, when I realized that was a ridiculous idea, since my hands are shaking and I feel more alert and jittery than a chipmunk. Paul and I went to Starbucks (we wanted to go to Payne's but it was closed!) today and shared a venti mocha...I haven't had coffee since J-term started, but I didn't think it would effect me this much! Especially since I only drank half of it. I think it might be wearing off a little bit though...it's been almost 6 hours already--about time!
Anyway, I've always been a "fluffy" coffee drinker...needing my sugar and creme...latte's...fraps, etc. But I realized today that I've never really given black coffee a chance. I want to transition to black coffee since it's so much cheaper. Paul says to do that I have to just start drinking it for like a month straight. He says to go cold turkey and not put anything in it. He says the real flavor of coffee gets ruined by the other stuff. SO, I'm going to try a black coffee tomorrow at the Jumping Bean. He recommends Papa New Ginea, I think it was.
Well, lately I've been experiencing the guilty joy of buying books on Amazon for $.01. I just can't resist it! Although it comes to like $4 with shipping...but still. Today I bought "The Book of Virtues." I remember reading that when I was a little girl, or someone reading it to me. I love those stories with good morals! So enlightening and life-applicable. I can't wait to get it in the mail! I am just anticipating the nostalgia and wisdom.
There is something about seeing virtues play out in stories (or real life) that make them so much more accessable than trying to figure out just by thinking about it what "love your neighbor" actually means. I wish my J-term class didn't require so much reading! I mean, the book we're reading is pretty good, but I'm burnt out on reading by the time I'm done, so I don't get to read my personal interest books!
Now that I think about it, I don't really have hardly any personal interest books here...books are too heavy to pack in my suitcase! But that's okay, I'll just buy them on Amazon! I do feel kind of bad though, always buying used books, because the money never gets to the author. But on the other hand, buying used books is kind of like recycling, and recycling is good! But it does seem unfair for authors.
Anyway, I've always been a "fluffy" coffee drinker...needing my sugar and creme...latte's...fraps, etc. But I realized today that I've never really given black coffee a chance. I want to transition to black coffee since it's so much cheaper. Paul says to do that I have to just start drinking it for like a month straight. He says to go cold turkey and not put anything in it. He says the real flavor of coffee gets ruined by the other stuff. SO, I'm going to try a black coffee tomorrow at the Jumping Bean. He recommends Papa New Ginea, I think it was.
Well, lately I've been experiencing the guilty joy of buying books on Amazon for $.01. I just can't resist it! Although it comes to like $4 with shipping...but still. Today I bought "The Book of Virtues." I remember reading that when I was a little girl, or someone reading it to me. I love those stories with good morals! So enlightening and life-applicable. I can't wait to get it in the mail! I am just anticipating the nostalgia and wisdom.
There is something about seeing virtues play out in stories (or real life) that make them so much more accessable than trying to figure out just by thinking about it what "love your neighbor" actually means. I wish my J-term class didn't require so much reading! I mean, the book we're reading is pretty good, but I'm burnt out on reading by the time I'm done, so I don't get to read my personal interest books!
Now that I think about it, I don't really have hardly any personal interest books here...books are too heavy to pack in my suitcase! But that's okay, I'll just buy them on Amazon! I do feel kind of bad though, always buying used books, because the money never gets to the author. But on the other hand, buying used books is kind of like recycling, and recycling is good! But it does seem unfair for authors.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
New post!! Get excited everybody!! Hehe :)
I stopped writing on here because I didn't think anybody read it!! Rachel said I need to update though, so here we go!
Well, I'm going to stay at Taylor (thank God!) next semester... I have just a little over a year left! I can't believe it! I got my grades back and I got all A's except for two A minus's! That's the best I've ever done!! I was surprised.
Paul went over to the other side of the mountains today to hang with his brothers. I'm going over with his parents on Sunday to have dinner with Troy and Nicole (my future bro and sister-in-law!). I'm excited to have dinner with them, because I don't feel like we have the best relationship, and I want to try really hard to get to know Nicole better and improve our relationship.
I was planning on doing ALL the wedding planning over this Christmas break, lol, but that is definately not happening. First of all, I cannot believe how expensive tuxes are!! Wow!! $130 to rent one tux, and that's without the $30 shoes! It's disgusting. We got the bridesmaid dresses for just $35 each, which is awesome. So far it's been a wonderful break, besides the fact that Ivory is in Mexico! I miss her. . .
Anyway...Christmas cheer to all! <3
I stopped writing on here because I didn't think anybody read it!! Rachel said I need to update though, so here we go!
Well, I'm going to stay at Taylor (thank God!) next semester... I have just a little over a year left! I can't believe it! I got my grades back and I got all A's except for two A minus's! That's the best I've ever done!! I was surprised.
Paul went over to the other side of the mountains today to hang with his brothers. I'm going over with his parents on Sunday to have dinner with Troy and Nicole (my future bro and sister-in-law!). I'm excited to have dinner with them, because I don't feel like we have the best relationship, and I want to try really hard to get to know Nicole better and improve our relationship.
I was planning on doing ALL the wedding planning over this Christmas break, lol, but that is definately not happening. First of all, I cannot believe how expensive tuxes are!! Wow!! $130 to rent one tux, and that's without the $30 shoes! It's disgusting. We got the bridesmaid dresses for just $35 each, which is awesome. So far it's been a wonderful break, besides the fact that Ivory is in Mexico! I miss her. . .
Anyway...Christmas cheer to all! <3
Monday, October 13, 2008
I need to sleep. I feel like I get more and more disorganized every day. My dad called yesterday and wants me to consider staying home after Christmas and taking spring semester of college off. The reason being so I can work and help pay for my wedding. On first hearing this, it seemed incredibly depressing...and still is in a lot of ways. Okay, yeah...it's still depressing in most every way. Honestly, I think I'd rather elope than quit school. My dad's always the one saying that I should focus on school more than the wedding, so I don't know why he's bringing this up now. He said something like, "I just want to make sure you get married this summer." What's THAT supposed to mean???? Jeez. I don't want to come home and work some dead-end job for more than a few months, and then spend it all on my own wedding...One day of my life. I don't want to be remembering that day as being an accumulation of all the work I've done while I could have been finishing up my degree. What's the point? Weddings aren't supposed to be like that.
I'd rather just get married in the church and go ultra-ultra cheap and have it be a small wedding I think. I don't know. I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I just don't want it to screw up the time when Paul would graduate, because I think it would if he came home.
I just can't believe how fast things change. How fast plans change. Plans aren't really anything anyway.
We talked about transferring to Central after we get married...which would be cool because it would probably be free for us, and Paul's brother Eric would be going there. It would be nice to hang out with him more, and hopefully affect his life if we could.
I just don't know. I don't like not having set plans of how things will happen. I just don't know how this is all going to work out. I just want to graduate college... And I'm so close. I don't feel like stretching it out any longer. I could be graduated by the end of January 2010. That's a little over a year from now! I think we will probably stay at Taylor. It seems silly to stop college for a wedding. I don't know. Maybe it's not...
I just wish I knew what to do!!!
I'd rather just get married in the church and go ultra-ultra cheap and have it be a small wedding I think. I don't know. I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I just don't want it to screw up the time when Paul would graduate, because I think it would if he came home.
I just can't believe how fast things change. How fast plans change. Plans aren't really anything anyway.
We talked about transferring to Central after we get married...which would be cool because it would probably be free for us, and Paul's brother Eric would be going there. It would be nice to hang out with him more, and hopefully affect his life if we could.
I just don't know. I don't like not having set plans of how things will happen. I just don't know how this is all going to work out. I just want to graduate college... And I'm so close. I don't feel like stretching it out any longer. I could be graduated by the end of January 2010. That's a little over a year from now! I think we will probably stay at Taylor. It seems silly to stop college for a wedding. I don't know. Maybe it's not...
I just wish I knew what to do!!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
My roommate is making brownies. Brownies have a unmistakable smell. I like them.
I'm tired of school...I like it, but it wears me out. I'm constantly in a cycle of stressing and lack of sleep. This can't be good for me! What if this is shortening my lifespan!!? I've been thinking about the college system a lot...how beneficial is it? Kaydi was talking about her boyfriend, who is not a college graduate, but seems to be the smartest person she knows. He is very well read, and has his own business. He wants someday to open a used book store.
I don't know...It seems like college is a waste of time in a way. Maybe I won't realize what I've learned until I'm out, but I wish I could learn what I want to learn and not just what is assigned. I don't have time to read books that I would choose to read...I'm too busy reading ones I have to. Why am I doing this? Just to "do my time" and get that piece of paper that says I'm a college graduate? What does that even mean? Why is it so important?
What do I want to do with my life???????
I would love to own a book store--new and used, plus a coffee shop. That would be beautiful. I would start a writer's group that would meet there... and a book club. But I struggle with it, because I don't know if I have the right personality for starting this up like that. I've never been a leader personality.
I would also love to work in a publishing company. Editing a literary journal. Being the one to accept/reject pieces.
I also want to write. Writing is so hard though... it really is. First of all, getting motivated to write...then getting motivated to edit it. I wish it wasn't such a great task--to write well...
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't gone to college. Would I have learned more or less? Honestly, I can't wait to graduate. I can't wait to live real life. I just can't stand having the majority of my learning be from textbooks and lectures... I suppose it's better than learning from TV or most movies.
For the past month, I've just been feeling like there is this whole other world of knowledge that I'm missing. I feel like there's so much uncharted territory. It's hard to explain. I just have this desire to know everything there is to know about God, the world, people, and see the big picture. I just want to SEE.
I'm tired of school...I like it, but it wears me out. I'm constantly in a cycle of stressing and lack of sleep. This can't be good for me! What if this is shortening my lifespan!!? I've been thinking about the college system a lot...how beneficial is it? Kaydi was talking about her boyfriend, who is not a college graduate, but seems to be the smartest person she knows. He is very well read, and has his own business. He wants someday to open a used book store.
I don't know...It seems like college is a waste of time in a way. Maybe I won't realize what I've learned until I'm out, but I wish I could learn what I want to learn and not just what is assigned. I don't have time to read books that I would choose to read...I'm too busy reading ones I have to. Why am I doing this? Just to "do my time" and get that piece of paper that says I'm a college graduate? What does that even mean? Why is it so important?
What do I want to do with my life???????
I would love to own a book store--new and used, plus a coffee shop. That would be beautiful. I would start a writer's group that would meet there... and a book club. But I struggle with it, because I don't know if I have the right personality for starting this up like that. I've never been a leader personality.
I would also love to work in a publishing company. Editing a literary journal. Being the one to accept/reject pieces.
I also want to write. Writing is so hard though... it really is. First of all, getting motivated to write...then getting motivated to edit it. I wish it wasn't such a great task--to write well...
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't gone to college. Would I have learned more or less? Honestly, I can't wait to graduate. I can't wait to live real life. I just can't stand having the majority of my learning be from textbooks and lectures... I suppose it's better than learning from TV or most movies.
For the past month, I've just been feeling like there is this whole other world of knowledge that I'm missing. I feel like there's so much uncharted territory. It's hard to explain. I just have this desire to know everything there is to know about God, the world, people, and see the big picture. I just want to SEE.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Well lot's has happened since my last post. I've had time off from Kris Kringle which has allowed me to do many things. I went on vacation with my family and Paul to Ocean Shores, which was a blast. We stayed in a little cottage house, we almost completed the hardest puzzle in the world, and we almost had Paul's mom's van be swallowed by the ocean....
The next weekend, I went to Ocean Shores again, basically* on vacation with Megan and Rachel! This vacation basically consisted of trying to find dates for basically Megan and Rachel--(more importantly, dates with money to take us out to dinner basically...), shopping at basically all the malls on the way and on the way back, and chasing basically every flock of seagulls at the beach with our car! Basically, it was basically a blast. *And basically, they were basically making fun of me for basically just saying basically basic.
Then Paul's older brother Troy got married, and I had the privilege of seeing Paul in a tuxedo with a pink tie and vest, accented with a stylin' top hat---in which he looked exceptionally suave!
Well now, let me back up one day. August 1st. Paul proposed!!! And I am now engaged, soon-to-be-bride, the fiance of my very best friend. Basically, it was the most exciting day of my life. All I could say for the first ten minutes after it happened was, "OMG! OMG! Omg....!!!" It was a surreal experience--the climax of every romantic movie was happening in real life. So I am happy to say I've been engaged for ten days already! hehe :) Whenever I tell people I'm engaged, the first question they ask is "so when's the date???" That is still undecided, but most likely the day will be Aug. 1, 2009.
You may be surprised, but I think it may actually be more fun planning you're wedding before you're engaged then after...and I wish I had been one of those girls that had their entire wedding figured out before they even got into a relationship. The reason being is, there are so many decisions!!! So many. And I think it would be funner (yes, funner) to plan if there wasn't a time limit. Deciding your wedding beforehand is such a good idea, because you don't have the problem I have: I can't decide anything because all I can think about is that this is the only day...I can't have three different styles of weddings, I just get one! So I'm trying to think about all the different options at once, and it probably won't work to mix styles together. But if you do the thinking before you're engaged, you have so much more time, and you can sleep on ideas for longer. So. I highly recommend all you single girls out there to keep dreaming!!!
All that is not to say that I don't like planning my wedding. It's super-duper exciting! But it's also realistic. And I'm not always good about being realistic. Anyway. Here's the direction my dream is going right now:
Think natural. Think comfortable. Paul and I both want to be barefoot. We're thinking an orchard wedding. We're thinking tea party theme. Old teacups on the tables at the reception--a different style teacup at each setting, with unlimited chai tea and coffee. We're thinking as small as possible (without being excluding), because I get nervous in front of lots of people, and we both get drained being around crowds. We're thinking live music--my old violin teacher and her students. Probably no DJ, and for dancing, we're thinking of having everyone learn Contra dancing. This way, it's not the same as every other wedding where the people who don't know how to dance, just sit there bored...but it's all inclusive, and it's easy enough that everyone can learn if they want to. We're also thinking an afternoon wedding, around 2pm, and just serve fruit, cake, and cardamom bread, and assorted yummy things. We want the entire wedding to be fairly short: about 3 hours, and never have a dull moment. Those are our goals so far! Who knows what it'll end up being like! :) The hard part now is finding a good place and if the orchard idea is even possible. Feel free to give me ideas or tips!!
And now the present. I'm in New York right now with Paul's family, at a lake house. We spent the last few days in Connecticut and went to Paul's second cousin's wedding--which was an extremely expensive and ritzy wedding...which is nothing like what either of us would want. Now, we're just chillin' at the lake (which is more like an ocean) and having a real vacation. It's been wonderful. Next Saturday, we will go into the city and see Liz--I am so excited to see you Liz!!! Then we'll come home, frantically try to look at as many wedding places as possible, work for a couple days, and fly out to Taylor--woo hoo!!! It's been a busy summer.
Okay, if you've made it this far, I congratulate you, and you must be a really good friend! lol!
Until next time!! Peace. :)
The next weekend, I went to Ocean Shores again, basically* on vacation with Megan and Rachel! This vacation basically consisted of trying to find dates for basically Megan and Rachel--(more importantly, dates with money to take us out to dinner basically...), shopping at basically all the malls on the way and on the way back, and chasing basically every flock of seagulls at the beach with our car! Basically, it was basically a blast. *And basically, they were basically making fun of me for basically just saying basically basic.
Then Paul's older brother Troy got married, and I had the privilege of seeing Paul in a tuxedo with a pink tie and vest, accented with a stylin' top hat---in which he looked exceptionally suave!
Well now, let me back up one day. August 1st. Paul proposed!!! And I am now engaged, soon-to-be-bride, the fiance of my very best friend. Basically, it was the most exciting day of my life. All I could say for the first ten minutes after it happened was, "OMG! OMG! Omg....!!!" It was a surreal experience--the climax of every romantic movie was happening in real life. So I am happy to say I've been engaged for ten days already! hehe :) Whenever I tell people I'm engaged, the first question they ask is "so when's the date???" That is still undecided, but most likely the day will be Aug. 1, 2009.
You may be surprised, but I think it may actually be more fun planning you're wedding before you're engaged then after...and I wish I had been one of those girls that had their entire wedding figured out before they even got into a relationship. The reason being is, there are so many decisions!!! So many. And I think it would be funner (yes, funner) to plan if there wasn't a time limit. Deciding your wedding beforehand is such a good idea, because you don't have the problem I have: I can't decide anything because all I can think about is that this is the only day...I can't have three different styles of weddings, I just get one! So I'm trying to think about all the different options at once, and it probably won't work to mix styles together. But if you do the thinking before you're engaged, you have so much more time, and you can sleep on ideas for longer. So. I highly recommend all you single girls out there to keep dreaming!!!
All that is not to say that I don't like planning my wedding. It's super-duper exciting! But it's also realistic. And I'm not always good about being realistic. Anyway. Here's the direction my dream is going right now:
Think natural. Think comfortable. Paul and I both want to be barefoot. We're thinking an orchard wedding. We're thinking tea party theme. Old teacups on the tables at the reception--a different style teacup at each setting, with unlimited chai tea and coffee. We're thinking as small as possible (without being excluding), because I get nervous in front of lots of people, and we both get drained being around crowds. We're thinking live music--my old violin teacher and her students. Probably no DJ, and for dancing, we're thinking of having everyone learn Contra dancing. This way, it's not the same as every other wedding where the people who don't know how to dance, just sit there bored...but it's all inclusive, and it's easy enough that everyone can learn if they want to. We're also thinking an afternoon wedding, around 2pm, and just serve fruit, cake, and cardamom bread, and assorted yummy things. We want the entire wedding to be fairly short: about 3 hours, and never have a dull moment. Those are our goals so far! Who knows what it'll end up being like! :) The hard part now is finding a good place and if the orchard idea is even possible. Feel free to give me ideas or tips!!
And now the present. I'm in New York right now with Paul's family, at a lake house. We spent the last few days in Connecticut and went to Paul's second cousin's wedding--which was an extremely expensive and ritzy wedding...which is nothing like what either of us would want. Now, we're just chillin' at the lake (which is more like an ocean) and having a real vacation. It's been wonderful. Next Saturday, we will go into the city and see Liz--I am so excited to see you Liz!!! Then we'll come home, frantically try to look at as many wedding places as possible, work for a couple days, and fly out to Taylor--woo hoo!!! It's been a busy summer.
Okay, if you've made it this far, I congratulate you, and you must be a really good friend! lol!
Until next time!! Peace. :)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I've come to believe that women generally care less and less about how they look the more they age. If you've ever seen those 16-year-old girls whose faces are so meticulously made-up, hair newly highlighted and cut in the latest style, preppy clothes.....it's obvious most girls go through a time where they care a lot about how they look.... Then it seems women get married (or not married) and just don't care as much. When does the turning point happen? I think it's when women realize men aren't worth the extra trouble. When a dolled up girl gets her heart broken, she just can't muster up the effort to get up that extra hour earlier and do her hair perfect for a guy again.
Or it's when the extra attention they're getting isn't the kind of attention they really want... Sometimes I think beautiful people have it the worst... The other day my mom was telling me about the time she spend in Thailand when she was in college. She was working with Cambodian refugees and there was a very beautiful Thai woman in the camp.....They found out she had been raped 8 times in the jungle on her way out of Cambodia. I hadn't thought about it before, but it seems like beauty could easily be a curse, especially in other countries with corrupt police.
What is it women are trying for when they spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on themselves, on their appearances...? I would guess, attention and respect. They want to feel of worth...of worth enough to be pursued and to be cared for. But it usually ends up the reverse...subjectivity, disrespect, and sometimes worse. It seems women strive to make men attracted to their appearance when they can't gain their attention or respect any other way...
I think of the pornography industry. I think many of the those woman thrive off of the power they have over the men that see them, and interpret a man's powerlessness as respect and admiration. But it is not the kind of respect that would make a man want to marry her, or cherish her, or protect her.....which I think is what the porn girls wish they had.
Or it's when the extra attention they're getting isn't the kind of attention they really want... Sometimes I think beautiful people have it the worst... The other day my mom was telling me about the time she spend in Thailand when she was in college. She was working with Cambodian refugees and there was a very beautiful Thai woman in the camp.....They found out she had been raped 8 times in the jungle on her way out of Cambodia. I hadn't thought about it before, but it seems like beauty could easily be a curse, especially in other countries with corrupt police.
What is it women are trying for when they spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on themselves, on their appearances...? I would guess, attention and respect. They want to feel of worth...of worth enough to be pursued and to be cared for. But it usually ends up the reverse...subjectivity, disrespect, and sometimes worse. It seems women strive to make men attracted to their appearance when they can't gain their attention or respect any other way...
I think of the pornography industry. I think many of the those woman thrive off of the power they have over the men that see them, and interpret a man's powerlessness as respect and admiration. But it is not the kind of respect that would make a man want to marry her, or cherish her, or protect her.....which I think is what the porn girls wish they had.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
It's summer. yay!!!!
I've been working at the Quality Inn in Leavenworth, but I think I'm going to quit tomorrow. I'm not getting enough hours and it's too stressful. There are too many complaints and I don't like dealing with mad people when there is nothing I can do. Also, they just don't have enough people on staff at a time usually. I just don't like it very much..and I've never quit a job before. I got hired at Sleeping Lady the other day...then that same day I got a call from Safeway about openings at the Deli and Starbucks. Also, the owner of Kris Kringle called. And the Soup Cellar called. So now I'm not sure what to do! Also, I applied at Copper Creek and they'll probably start doing interviews this week. I need to find out how many hours each one would give me and the pay... Soup Cellar is probably the best because I would get tips and I worked there over Christmas, so I won't have to learn a new system or anything. Anyway....jobs!!! They are just kind of annoying when you can't get full time anywhere..! Paul got it good at the Pizza Co. Only 6 hour shifts and $50 in tips every night = awesome. I admit, I was jealous! I start at Sleeping Lady on Tuesday...hopefully it will be fun!
I've been working at the Quality Inn in Leavenworth, but I think I'm going to quit tomorrow. I'm not getting enough hours and it's too stressful. There are too many complaints and I don't like dealing with mad people when there is nothing I can do. Also, they just don't have enough people on staff at a time usually. I just don't like it very much..and I've never quit a job before. I got hired at Sleeping Lady the other day...then that same day I got a call from Safeway about openings at the Deli and Starbucks. Also, the owner of Kris Kringle called. And the Soup Cellar called. So now I'm not sure what to do! Also, I applied at Copper Creek and they'll probably start doing interviews this week. I need to find out how many hours each one would give me and the pay... Soup Cellar is probably the best because I would get tips and I worked there over Christmas, so I won't have to learn a new system or anything. Anyway....jobs!!! They are just kind of annoying when you can't get full time anywhere..! Paul got it good at the Pizza Co. Only 6 hour shifts and $50 in tips every night = awesome. I admit, I was jealous! I start at Sleeping Lady on Tuesday...hopefully it will be fun!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
I discovered a new poet today that I really like. His name is John Rybicki. I'm going to post some of his amazing poetry here, for your enjoyment! :D
is the father's heart falling.
Here's a link to another one of his poems that I like maybe even more. :) AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL
The Earth Is Not Quiet
For Calvin Galazin
Even leaves are rattling
out of hearts. I gravel skid
and dive over my handlebars.
I know what the leaves are:
one formed from the heart of
the priest lifting this skinny boy
like some host five feet off
the altar and hanging him
from the pin in Christ's feet;
one shaped from the heart of
the German man on the line at
Dodge Truck, seventy-one years
old and he's still stretching
Cinderella's slipper
over 487 brake pedals each day,
fire and floating metal carriages
and sweat blown back around him
as if gathering in a twirling midnight
dress; another leaf for the nurse,
her fingers hollow as bone flutes
and she's piping them all night
beside her boy's oxygen tent;
another leaf for the father, who,
three hours earlier, slammed the rolling
hospital bed through doctors to find
a wall socket that would give
his blue boy oxygen. The boy
diving over his handlebars
is the father's heart falling.
Here's a link to another one of his poems that I like maybe even more. :) AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I realized today that I need to be more sensitive to the failures of people. I know when I fail, I feel so vulnerable and completely unprotected and sensitive. I feel like all I want to do is hide. I realized that I don't like being in a situation where I'm the one with most failure. But I think this teaches me how to behave when someone else is in the situation of the most failure. How can I be sensitive, and not prideful and not flaunt any qualities I deem as more successful? Sometimes (maybe most of the time) I have a low self-esteem. I don't believe in myself. Honestly, I don't think I'm good at much of anything. But I am amazed at others who are able to achieve so much. I can't even imagine being in the life of a person like that. But I wonder if it's better; maybe it's not. Why do people strive so much to achieve *fill in the blank*? Is life really just a series of ropes and ladders that you climb to see how far you can get? Are relationships there to just boost the level of your identity? It seems like that's the way it is sometimes.
I don't deal well with competition. I don't deal well with competition at all. I just want to get along with everybody and have everybody support everybody. And I just don't want to appear that way because that is just another ploy to climbing the ropes. To know the polite words, to act like a caring person, just so you're safe and technically equal a nice person--all the outer calculations add up, but inside what are you? What's the point of being labeled such a nice person, when you're not actually accomplishing anything? The truly kind person looks and sees deeply. The truly kind person sees deeply and responds to the person/situation at the root, not the surface. The socially accepted formalities of politeness mean nothing if the root issue is ignored.
I don't deal well with competition. I don't deal well with competition at all. I just want to get along with everybody and have everybody support everybody. And I just don't want to appear that way because that is just another ploy to climbing the ropes. To know the polite words, to act like a caring person, just so you're safe and technically equal a nice person--all the outer calculations add up, but inside what are you? What's the point of being labeled such a nice person, when you're not actually accomplishing anything? The truly kind person looks and sees deeply. The truly kind person sees deeply and responds to the person/situation at the root, not the surface. The socially accepted formalities of politeness mean nothing if the root issue is ignored.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
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