my other husband

Jesus is my STRENGTH! We've been here for two weeks, and already God has used this change to get ahold of my attention. I am so thankful! I have been so concentrated on getting a job, but how many times have I stopped and PRAYED about it? When I realized this, and started praying about it, over and over I just kept realizing how it doesn't even matter! I feel like for so long I've put my hope in money...striving for meaningless things. But what life is that. It's dead. And I am so glad that God has been teaching me! He disciplines those he LOVES! There is such a freedom in waiting in trust that he loves, and knows, and will take care. What do I have to worry about? He knows the number of hairs on my head...he takes care of the birds of the air...he CARES! How amazing that the God of this entire world is thinking about ME! It is such a deep affection he has.

The other day, I found a journal of mine from 2006-2007. I couldn't believe the things I wrote in it...how off I was about the future. Even things I had written about guys...and thinking about future marriage. I had no clue of God's plan! It just made me want to trust all the more in him, and give everything over to him more. I am so glad I didn't go with my plans for the future! Oh God, am I glad! There was only one thing I can think of that was in God's plan that I wrote about:

April 20, 2007 (About 2 months before I met Paul)

"Tonight I prayed that since 'It is not good for a man to be alone'... God, make my man not alone anymore, and introduce me to him!"

Hahaha! I laughed out loud when I read that because two months later, God answered my prayer!!! Journals are so great for realizing what God has done. I haven't kept a consistent journal for a year or two now. Maybe I should start again. I guess this blog is pretty much a journal.

Anyways, I'm just feeling like God and I are having a much needed reunion! Forget the cares of this world, people! He is everything!

The other MAJOR realization I had this week, was that I'm not going to be married in heaven. Duh, right? But seriously, think about it!!! I'm not going to be married to Paul in heaven. I'm going to be married to Jesus! In fact, I already AM married to Jesus. Oh, but I haven't hardly talked to Jesus for these last few weeks. Hmm. That's not a very good marriage. In fact, that resembles more of a "separated" marriage. A dying marriage. I can't believe I've been married to Jesus this whole time, and treating him like this! Holy crap! I'm a jerk. Can you imagine being married to someone, and your spouse didn't realize she was married? I'd say there's some major communication issues, if that was the case.

Prayer and God-time is different when you're married. You don't have as much natural alone time--you have to consciously seek time to be alone with God. I am so easily distracted with life, it's very difficult to actually make myself alone. I like being around people, so it's extra hard to isolate myself. But that's what Jesus did. Poor guy, everyone in the town was following him around, and he was still able to find alone time with God! Wow! He climbed up a mountain in the middle of the night to pray, didn't he? God is worth it, that's why!