Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My roommate is making brownies. Brownies have a unmistakable smell. I like them.

I'm tired of school...I like it, but it wears me out. I'm constantly in a cycle of stressing and lack of sleep. This can't be good for me! What if this is shortening my lifespan!!? I've been thinking about the college system a lot...how beneficial is it? Kaydi was talking about her boyfriend, who is not a college graduate, but seems to be the smartest person she knows. He is very well read, and has his own business. He wants someday to open a used book store.

I don't know...It seems like college is a waste of time in a way. Maybe I won't realize what I've learned until I'm out, but I wish I could learn what I want to learn and not just what is assigned. I don't have time to read books that I would choose to read...I'm too busy reading ones I have to. Why am I doing this? Just to "do my time" and get that piece of paper that says I'm a college graduate? What does that even mean? Why is it so important?

What do I want to do with my life???????

I would love to own a book store--new and used, plus a coffee shop. That would be beautiful. I would start a writer's group that would meet there... and a book club. But I struggle with it, because I don't know if I have the right personality for starting this up like that. I've never been a leader personality.

I would also love to work in a publishing company. Editing a literary journal. Being the one to accept/reject pieces.

I also want to write. Writing is so hard though... it really is. First of all, getting motivated to write...then getting motivated to edit it. I wish it wasn't such a great task--to write well...

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't gone to college. Would I have learned more or less? Honestly, I can't wait to graduate. I can't wait to live real life. I just can't stand having the majority of my learning be from textbooks and lectures... I suppose it's better than learning from TV or most movies.

For the past month, I've just been feeling like there is this whole other world of knowledge that I'm missing. I feel like there's so much uncharted territory. It's hard to explain. I just have this desire to know everything there is to know about God, the world, people, and see the big picture. I just want to SEE.