10 sales on Etsy!

I've reached a milestone today, you guys. Today, I made my tenth sale on Etsy! It's a small milestone, yes, but still a milestone--dangit! My mom has been thinking about opening up an Etsy, because she makes jewelry at her job, and she could easily sell it online. She's still thinking about it, but I hope she does, because that would such a fun thing to do together!

We are thinking about flying home for Christmas. Paul's parents have some airmiles, and so we could get pretty cheap tickets if we wanted to. Still haven't decided yet. It would be fun, but it is kind of silly since we'll be back in WA about four weeks after Christmas anyway. We'll see. The way it works with the free air miles is that we would have to fly out from Chicago, so we'd have to take a bus, or get someone to let us park our car somewhere for break. So anyways, that may or may not happen!

Parnassus this year is coming along nicely, but I'm sad I won't be there for the release party in February. Oh well, they better mail me a copy though! I've been working on the layout along with the other girl, and it is very time consuming but fun. I realized I know nothing about Macs or InDesign. I'm learning a little though.

Raquel, I got your Christmas card in the mail today! So cute! I'm waiting to open it till Christmas though. :)

updates! thanksgiving...etsy...life

Jeez! I haven't posted for almost a month! I almost don't know where to start.

Well, to follow up with my last post, the senior project is done until January! I turned in my critical paper on Friday, and my revised second story on Monday. I haven't heard back about my critical paper yet, but if I don't need to revise that before January, I'm done! I am meeting with my advisor on Wednesday to go over things. We will see how that goes. But I am generally feeling much much better about the senior project.

Macy's has been going really well, too. It was really busy for a while because they were getting in all the stock for the Christmas season, but now it has lightened up a bit. Also, they are giving me a new job since there won't be many hours left on the Merchandising Team now. I'm going to be doing Recovery, which is basically just cleaning up after customers during the Christmas season. I'll be straightening things and refolding, and stuff like that. I'm really looking forward to it, because that means I don't have to be getting up at 3:30am anymore! YAY!

The other news update is that my brother, Caleb, came to visit us for Thanksgiving!!! It was so fun! He just decided to fly out on a whim and stayed with us for a week. He got to see a lot of his friends in Bergwall too, so that was cool for him. We were kind of at a loss on what to make for Thanksgiving since Paul and I are vegetarians. We decided on vegetarian chili! So we made the recipe for The Best Vegetarian Chili in the World, and we also had potatoes, corn on the cob, rolls, strawberry rhubarb pie, and brownies. It was great! On Thanksgiving, we also played TWELVE games of Settlers. I don't think I could have done that with anybody else and had as much fun. :)

You've probably noticed, if you've looked in the sidebar, that I started a vintage shop! A few weeks ago, I just got the idea in my head that I really wanted to start a boutique of some kind. I don't know if something got into me while working at Macy's and learning how to merchandise or what. I just couldn't get the idea out of my mind; I couldn't even sleep some nights!

I didn't think I'd be able to start it until we got back to Washington. There is an Antique Mall I was thinking of renting a booth at, but I found out the prices for it, and it was like $150 a month. That was a little to big of an investment for me. Then Valerie suggested Etsy! Etsy is an online place you can sell anything handmade, anything craft supplies, or anything vintage. It is $0.20 to list each item, and then they take 3.5% of your sales minus shipping. So I decided to make an Etsy shop. I named it Trillity and you can look at it here.

I didn't have any items to sell when I first started, so when I was driving home from work, I prayed God would show me a garage sale or something, if this is something I should even try to start. I didn't think there would be any since it was November, and cold. Sure enough, I found one sign for a rummage sale, and got three items for my shop! I sold one of the items within the week and it was so exciting, I think I screamed. I have sold a total of five things so far. It's so fun when people buy things! It makes me so happy just to know that someone wants it enough to buy it. I have so much fun with it.

I really enjoy writing the descriptions too. I would love to do that for a job someday. I would love to do Etsy for my full time job actually, but I'm no where near that point now, hehe. I just have so much fun going to thrift stores, rummage sales, and on Saturday we went to a flea market in Indy after we dropped Caleb off. It's just so fun to find these special items that are unappreciated, and rescue them and find better owners for them, lol. And make a little money in the process, of course! Hehe. I think the key to selling things is taking good pictures, so I've been trying hard to get better at that.

We put up our Christmas tree yesterday, and it looks so cute! It's about 2.5 feet tall. The ornaments look enormous on it, but it's still adorable. :D

We've been looking at places to live in Washington. My parents are going to check out a few places today after church for us, and send us some pictures.

Thanksgiving break was such a relaxing break for us. I wish it could be like this all the time! That would probably make me spoiled though. :P

life lately

Wow, it's been a busy time lately. Paul and I have both been pretty stressed out the last few weeks, but now, it finally seems to be letting up again for both of us. Paul's been balancing school work, grad school essays, and his senior research project...and I've been balancing my senior project, work, and classes. All the other semesters seem so easy compared to this one for some reason!

Anyway, things are letting up to a more reasonable level of stress, I think. Yesterday, we were able to have a really relaxing day for the first time in a long time! We started watching these Planet Earth videos, that we rented from the library...and I've gotta say, God's Creation is freakin' awesome, beautiful, and sometimes downright creepy!!! There were like six DVD's total, and we kind of got addicted to them. We've watched every episode now, except for "the future," which I'm not sure what that alludes to. Mars, maybe? We will see. I highly recommend the movie to you though! We couldn't stop saying, "OMG. WHOA! WHAT THE HECK?! WOW. or, WEIRD, NASTY, DISGUSTING!!!!

Right now, I'm in the library, stuck on one of my stories for my senior project. :( I have to have it done by Monday, and at least 10 pages long....right now I have about 2! I had a good day on it the other day, but now today, it's just not flowing. argh. I'm looking forward to just having this story done, because then I'll have all my rough drafts done, and I can just focus on editing. I wish I could get a clearer look at my stories though. I'm really disappointed in my experience with my advisor. It's just very sad. It just feel like he's not a real reader when I get his comments. He doesn't tell me what he likes or dislikes about anything...all his comments are so objective, I can't even tell what he means by them. I don't know what it is. I don't remember having this experience with him when I had Poetry class with him. So, I guess I'm just confused. Has he changed, or have I changed...why is it different? It's really terrible, because I find myself getting really discouraged when I write, because I think about what my advisor will think....(even though he doesn't really tell me directly, it seems)...so it's very unmotivating because I have doubts that he will like anything I write. I was so doubtful, I had to email him asking him how he thinks I'm doing in the class...for fear he was going to fail me. He said I'm doing fine....but even that, I'm not sure what he means. Am I doing fine, like I don't need to worry, or am I doing fine, like I'm not doing great, but I'll probably pass. I don't know why I find him so confusing. And it's weird because I've never really had a fear of failing a class before, and this is like the most important one! I haven't said this before, but we stopped meeting in person, and are just going to do email sessions now...the reason being, I broke down balling in his office last time we met! I was so embarrassed to be crying there, because I've never in my life cried in front of a teacher before...but I couldn't stop, even though I wanted to so bad. I guess I just couldn't hold it in anymore. So then, he suggested we just do email sessions. I just wanted to get out there ASAP, so I agreed. But I'm glad we did it, so I don't have to see him as much anymore. I guess the thing that just really gets to me about him is that he seems to take his viewpoint as the ultimate authority. He told me at our first meeting that I am the author and to make decisions myself, but I don't think he actually believes what he says. Sometimes he would say things about my story, and I would disagree, and he would just get more and more offensive, no matter how much I tried to defend my stance. It's very irritating, and also very discouraging, because now I feel like I will only graduate Taylor if I write my senior project to please my advisor, to his standards. I would be totally happy and free, if I could just write it on my own and not have to worry about him, but to know that he's the one basically handing me my diploma, I'm afraid if I don't obey his every word, he won't be obliged to pass me. It's very trapping, mentally and creatively. I feel like he is looming over me, when I try to write. I think this has lessened a lot, now that we are not meeting face-to-face, but it's still there. I don't feel like I can talk to him about it, because even when I was balling in his office, he hardly did anything more than try to offer me a tissue (which he didn't have).

It feels good to vent these things, but I know I can't dwell on them too much. Ultimately, I will graduate, even if he tries to fail me--I know I can fight it. I've earned A's in all my writing classes--that would look too weird for me to fail. This is just a trial I've got to face, and get through. It's not fun, but I guess that means it's good for me. :)

play a game and give people water!

airband, macy's, and mawidge

Valerie and I had our airband tryout tonight. I'm not sure what to think of how it went. Everyone else seemed really happy about it, but I feel kind of neutral about it. The judges didn't really seem to go WILD about it when we finished, so I think it will be a close call. I think we do have an advantage against the other Jai Ho (We are doing Jai Ho, the song at the end of Slum Dog Millionaire) team, but I'm more nervous that neither of us will get in. I'm not sure how many people have tried out either...I just hope we get in! It would be so special!!! We should find out in about two hours, so I'm excited and nervous for it. I want to know, but I'm scared to know! Anyway, it has been really fun this year doing airband, and there has been much less (or zero) drama compared to other years I've participated, so that's a major bonus.

In other news, I started my first "real" day at Macy's today! The past two days have just been watching DVD's, and going through computer CD's about Macy's, so it was fun to actually work. It's nice to work, even if it is just a simple task, and feel useful! I started at 7 am (which means I got up 5:30 am) and worked til noon. Basically, they had me tearing down displays and setting them up in other areas of the store and in different ways. I worked in the accessories department, so I was setting up displays of ear muffs, tons of scarves, umbrellas, hats, gloves, etc. Most of this I was doing while the store hadn't even opened yet, so it was nice to just be able to talk to my coworkers. It wasn't stressful, and I really enjoyed it! So far, things are looking up!

In other, other news, today Paul and I have been married for exactly two months! So I thought I'd do a little reflection on marriage so far. "Mawidge...mawidge is what brings us together." Yes, I think the priest in Princess Bride is correct. Marriage does bring us together. We're together almost all the time, when we wake up, through part of the day, the evenings, during meals, and then yes, we sleep together. We're married. Even if we aren't together for most of a day, we are together because we always talk about our day, so it's like we were together even though we weren't! I'm so glad I married a man I never get sick of! Yes, there are some rare times when I can get annoyed with him, but sick of? That doesn't happen, and I'm gonna try for it to stay that way!

The other thing I wanted to say about marriage is just how wonderful it is to have that one person that knows you so well, and is always there, supporting you, and encouraging you through things--there through the fun times and the sad times...through all my emotions! Just being loved unconditionally, for who you really are--successes and failings. Everything. There is just an immense freedom, knowing you can be a complete dork, say whatever you feel, completely and truely just BE YOURSELF, without thinking about any expectations or what others think. In a way, it's safety. There's no shame.

I think one of the most important things in marriage is mutual respect. It's respect that makes you consider the other person before you do something. It's respect that makes you apologize. Respect brings you to help the other person. Respect, I think is even what motivates interest in the other person. It's not like the other person has to do something amazing to get respect, but I think respect should first just generally be given because we are human beings. We have feelings, we have minds, we have dreams. I think just respecting each other in their own uniqueness--the way they think, they way they communicate, the heart they have--respecting everything about them...it brings so much goodness into marriage!

So, those are some of my reflections on marriage so far. I love Paul so much! We are on a journey...

struggling

Feeling totally stressed, and stuck with my senior project. I'm blocked, and everything I manage to write I hate. It's very depressing and frustrating and generally horrible. I just feel so much pressure, and feel like I'm already failing. It's all so terrible. It's torture looking ahead to my meetings with Satterlee, because I'm too sensitive to my work, because I already hate it. And I don't know how to produce something that I'll like. I have to just wait for it to come...that's what I always do, but I think I'm pushing for it too much. It's just this terrible internal struggle. And I'm just scared that nothing's going to change, and what am I going to do? It's just so crappy. I don't know how to turn my mind off when I'm trying to write. It's messing everything up, and it all just sucks.

I started rereading this book that I love today. It's called "From Where You Dream," and I never reread books so this is a big deal. I think it's helping me. It understands my problems! Basically, I can't get into my unconscious because I keep thinking about all the pressure, so I can't turn off my critiquing self. So it prevents me from making anything "organic." I keep turning to literal memories, which limits my creativity, and keeps me from getting in the "zone." Anyway, I understand my problem, but I'm just not sure how to get myself to stop doing this to myself. I just don't know what to do. Also, it's very unmotivating to write when you feel like everything you write is crap. I mean, I guess the first draft isn't supposed to be an amazing piece of literature, but I can't stand just a mediocre response--it feels like a failure to me. Paul says I'm putting too much pressure on myself. But I have to have some sort of standards...I don't think I can help it. I have to at least satisfy myself. I just feel so down. :(

GRE's

Paul took the GRE's today, and I'm so proud of him!!! He got a 1290 (out of 1600)!!! He got well above the minimum requirement for all the grad schools he wanted to apply to. I'm so proud of him! :D

He sent his scores to Seattle Pacific, George Fox, Rosemead, & Azusa Pacific. So now the rest of the application process to go!

The Singing Microwave and His Lover, The Wailing Elephant (Part 1)

[This is how I destress from the pressure of actually writing something serious for my senior project.]

Yes, it may be hard to believe. A microwave falling in love with an elephant. A relationship destined for trouble, perhaps? Particular trouble, perhaps? Don't tell the microwave that—you'll break his heart! Just listen to the story, and believe that love is stronger, no matter the circumstances.

It all started in Burger Land, at the We Love Animals Zoo. Sammy, the zookeeper, was whistling his favorite tune as he shoveled elephant dung into a wheelbarrow, all the while thinking of his small baby at home whose bodily wastes are quite—well! He didn't even have a chance to finish that thought because a quite atrocious noise entered his ears. An elephant was throwing her tusk into the air and making the saddest, loudest, most peculiar noise an elephant could make. The sound reminded Sammy of the sound his baby makes when he wants his mommy and milk. Except worse. Way worse. Like perhaps the sound of his baby turning into a demon child who demands milk like a miniature Hitler. Except sad. And mournful.

Anyway, it is hard to describe. We will call it a wail. The Wailing Elephant continued to wail and wail and wail. Was this a tantrum, for more food? Was the Wailing Elephant depressed? Or did she just like the sound of her own noises? The zookeepers were quite confused. They tried giving her more food. She wailed. They tried special treats. Just wailing. She continued in her wailing for what seemed like a decade. By now there was an enormous crowd watching the Wailing Elephant. No one could figure it out. Well, the zookeepers just gave up, and went to their break room. They had tried everything. Finally, the Wailing Elephant ceases her wailing, and took a drink of water.

In the break room, the zookeepers sighed with relief that the terrible noise had finally stopped. Sammy was hungry and decided to put some Mac N Cheese in the microwave, for lunch. The microwave seemed dead. No lights no nothing. Stunned, you could say. You see, this microwave heard the Wailing Elephant's music. And that's exactly what it was to him. The most beautiful music he'd ever heard. He was dumbstruck from the lovely song the Wailing Elephant sang. Downright speechless. Yes, you could say the microwave fell in love at first hearing. He had never laid eyes on the Wailing Elephant. Didn't even know what an elephant looked like, in fact. He had entered the zoo in a box, remember now. But he didn't care. He was so deep in love, that not even the CEO of General Electric could have pulled him out of it. He knew he had to meet his love. This was the microwave's firmest conviction.

Once he had settled this in his mind, all this lights flickered on, and the letters L-O-V-E scrolled across his screen. Sammy blinked his eyes a few times, thinking he must be seeing things! Then he stuck his Mac N Cheese to get heated up. Remember now, that the microwave's firmest conviction now is to find his love, and win her. He turns on, and the Mac N Cheese spins. The microwave gets an idea. He pushes some of the wheels on the plate a little off the track as it spins. The result: a squeaking, moaning, horrifying noise. He twists the wheels more, and the noise is now almost equivalent to the wailing of the Wailing Elephant. “Perhaps, the Wailing Elephant will hear the Singing Microwave calling to her. Perhaps she will know that I love her,” thought the Singing Microwave.

The Wailing Elephant heard his cry, and curvaciously raised her trunk answer him.

“What is going on here!” The boss flew into the break room. “The microwave is singing, and the elephant is wailing!”

The noises were quite horrendous to all the zookeepers, and as a result, they were becoming quite irritable. Sammy stopped the microwave and decided to just eat his Mac N Cheese half cold.

Our humble home :)

Our bed, with the beautiful quilt that our friends made for us!

Bathroom!

Kitchen/Hallway/Pantry

Pantry/Extra Shelves

Kitchen Area

Dinner Table!

Part of Living Room

Couch!

Here are your requested pics, Ivory! <3>

jobbing

So far, I've applied at.....

1. Tree of Life Bookstore

2. Starbucks

3. Noah's

4. Macy's

5. Kmart

6. Payne's

I got an interview at Noah's, but didn't get it. Today I just got an email from Macy's, and set up an interview. I applied online, and they sent me an email saying to schedule my own interview today, so I did. So I have an interview on Thursday! Muncie is a bit of a drive, but it would be a job! And that would be nice. It would also be nice if I got hired there, because there are Macy's all over the country, so wherever we end up after college, I at least would have a foot in the door there, if I can't get hired other places. So, hopefully, this will work out. We will see!

Snow White

Introducing my new lappy! It is an Acer Netbook. It's 11.6" and less than 3 pounds! I love it! My old computer died a while ago, so we decided to buy this with some of our wedding money. Only $349.99 and way better than my old huge laptop was. I love this because it is so portable, but it still has a full size keyboard. It is actually on the big side for a netbook since it has a full size keyboard, but I think it's perfect this way...not to big, but not to small. It's pretty exciting. :D

In other news, I confessed to Satterlee that I only read two of the twelve books...and I was relieved to hear his response: "Two books is better than none." Yay! So I don't think it's a big deal, which is such a relief. Sigh. :)

I've filled out applications for Tree of Life, and Starbucks so far. I'll probably turn them in tomorrow, if their managers are in. I like having the manager actually see my face when I apply places, so I'm not just a piece of paper when they consider me. :)

It's been so fun setting up the apartment with Paul! I put new shelf liner on in the kitchen and put some cute wallpaper up. It's a lot of work though! I don't have it all done, but getting closer. Our kitchen sink has a little leak that maintenance hasn't fixed yet...other than that, it's been pretty nice! I love having our own place! And I love my "roommate"!!! :D

Taylor Bound

Paul and I leave Leavenworth the day after tomorrow! Can't wait to get to Taylor, and set up our apartment. I'm excited for our last five months at Taylor. I'm taking Shakespeare! It's pretty much my only real class. I have my senior project, Parnassus, and Senior Seminar--they are all just one credit. And I need to find a job! I think I will apply at Paynes, Starbucks, and Tree of Life for starters. We will see.

Wow, I just realized that we won't be getting to Taylor as late in the night as I thought! Yay! We will be arriving around 2 or 3am, but I thought the time change would be working against us, when really it will be working for us! It will only feel like 11 or 12 at night. Cool beans. (Or hot beans! As Rachel would say!)

I didn't read everything I was supposed to this summer for my senior project. I think I only finished like two books! I'm scared to tell Satterlee! And I still don't know what I'm doing exactly for my project...yikes. I need to return all my unread and overdue library books to the Leavenworth library. They are sending me a new notice like every day, it seems like! I know it will all come together...it's just kind of nerve racking not having anything together right now...... I'm wondering...do all the senior project advisors require 12 books to be read over the summer??? (Housholder?) I'm I screwed for not doing it?!?

Well, this very eventful summer is basically over now. Farwell, summer of 2009! You were wonderful.

Life is changing!

Last time I posted, Paul wasn't even here yet--wow! SO much has happened!

Paul got baptized on July 30th in the river with his mom and dad, and a friend named

Andy. They each shared their testimony beforehand, and it was a

really awesome time since there were many people there for the wedding that hadn't heard them before. Many people were moved by Paul's testimony, one of which was my grandpa who

isn't saved yet. I love my grandpa very much; please pray that he will become a Christian before he dies!

The next day was our wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner! The rehearsal dinner was in

the park, and we had a Contra dance! We weren't able to have dancing at the wedding, so this was kind of our reception except the day before. We decided to do a Contra dance instead

of having a DJ, so that everyone could be included in the dancing!

Then, August 1st was our wedding day. :) We LOVED it! We decided to do the pictures beforehand and have a "first vision," which I'm really glad we did. I started out pretty against it, thinking that it would make the ceremony less exciting. But it didn't make it any less exciting, and it made the day a lot less stressful. I wasn't really very stressed at all, which was awesome! During the ceremony, we washed each other's feet as a symbol of Eph. 5:21 "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." And also, we decided to do it to show each other that we want to love each other the way Christ loves us--unconditionally! I didn't think I was going to cry, but just as we were all lining up to walk down the aisle, I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing! I wasn't even sad, I guess just emotional. Happy tears are good. The wedding was so wonderful!

Yesterday, Rachel and I hiked Mount Stuart! It was beautiful! It's a nine mile hike round trip, but definitely worth it. I love this hike because it's not all straight uphill all the time, and it's pretty shady. There is a meadow area just before you get to the lake, and the mountain is like right there. So cool! It's so pretty especially with the snow still on the mountains. We had to used about a half a bottle of bug spray, and I still have tons of bites! And my ankle is all swollen from one too, which has never happened before. And I have bites on my head! But nature is so amazing...God's creation is amazing! And I haven't even seen that much of it!

This hike was a really nice break. A good break from work, and wedding planning, and a relationship issue I've been having with someone. Lately, I've really been learning a lot about how to deal with manipulation, and it's just not very fun. But I think it's good for me...and I think this year God has been trying to teach me to be a stronger person. I think part of becoming a stronger person is learning to stand up for yourself and for what is right (not that I'm always right!), and learning to confront issues and people honestly but in love, and for the purpose of reconciliation. Confrontation is definitely not my favorite thing to do, and sometimes things get worse before they get better. But if you never try, then they're guarenteed not to get better! So, it's definitely worth it in the long run. It's like cleaning the toilet...it's just something that has to be done. And the end result, after the long dreary process, is a great communion with the shiny clean toilet seat! So worth it, right?

Anyway! Paul will be home in exactly two weeks!!! It's about time, really. I just can't wait to pick him up at the airport, and for him to just be here. Can't wait.................................

Tomorrow is 4th of July, and my dad got the idea of going to a "tea party" in Seattle. I guess it's basically a taxes protest...which, I must say, it's justified. I don't want me or anyone else having to pay money for "global warming," and even more disturbing, I don't want my money going to the new homosexual education system that's being put in schools, to teach kindergartener's about homosexuality. That's just not fair. So I will "protest" since, at least for now, this is a free country! :)

moments that keep popping up in my mind

My dad: "I wish you could un-relative someone."

An image: An old Harley guy with a gray braid down to his butt, but only made with hair from the sides of his head, because of the large burnt circle of his bald spot.

When my coworker found out that Paul and I hadn't been living together last year (or ever): "Wow! That sure is rare nowadays, isn't it!"

...Yes, I guess it is. And lately, it seems like everyday I find out that someone else I know is getting a divorce, or has already gotten one, or has had an affair...It's just very depressing, how commonplace it is now. I think the statistic is over 50% now...I just hate it. It really is terrible. The other day I found out that at my brother's friend's wedding, his best man cancelled on him the day of. I just think people can't believe in marriage anymore. It's so sad. But I love seeing these REALLY old couples who come into Prey's Fruit Barn, still calling each other "honey dear" and being cute. I wanna be like them someday! We need those good examples, we really do.

And now I will leave you with a favorite verse of Paul and mine's. Ha! And of course the internet kicks off just when I'm about to write God's Word! I had to change computers. It can't stop me!

Proverbs 10:17 "He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray."

This summer has been, is, and will be so busy! But it's a good busy.

I am in a fantastic mood right now. Today Paul bought a new plane ticket...one that's coming a week earlier than before! (His class ended early, that why this is possible.) YAY! So he'll be here the 17th instead of the 24th. Wow, that means he'll be here in 3 weeks and 2 days! So exciting..............................!!!

On Friday, my mom and I went over to the other side of the mountains and picked up my wedding dress. We decided to wait and get lunch after trying on the dress...in other words, we needed to make sure I could fit in it first. And I did! I'm glad, because I was hungry!

Later that night, we were going over to Lynn's (my future mother-in-law) neighbor's house for dinner. But, that turned out to be a surprise bridal shower! I guess I should have seen it coming, but I completely did not, even after I saw all the cars in the driveway, and even when they were yelling surprise! I was just plain confused. It took about ten minutes for it to all sink in that it was actually happening. It was my first shower, and it was such a wonderful surprise! They made me answer questions about Paul, and then chew a peice of Bubbliscious for every one I got wrong. The wad wasn't too big, but it was pretty hard to blow a bubble!

The next day was a triple shower--for my two cousins and I. Long story short, I've got a lot of "loot," as my dad calls it.

I'm getting too tired to finish this! I'm working at Prey's Fruit Barn tomorrow. I'm working there three days a week, and then at Der Tier for two. It's nice to have a change of scenery in the workplace.

Well, this wasn't much of a blog entry! Sleep is more important. :) I'm learning how nice it is to go to bed early. Love to all, and hope you all have adventurous-and-exciting,-but-happy dreams!

Peace.

I'm alive, don't worry

Well, I haven't blogged in a while...

Updates:

1. I really miss Paul! He's doing summer Greek at Taylor, until a week before the wedding. :( He might be able to come two weeks before though, if Dr. Heth ends the class early. I really hope that happens....

2. I got a job. I'm now working at a shop downtown called Der Tier Shoppe. It sells Polish pottery, paintings, beer steins, and a whole bunch of random things...such as, radiometers, wind chimes, dragon figurines, hot dog sticks, CD's, jewelry, and salt & pepper shakers. It's not a bad job. I work there by myself, and it's always really slow. I only sell about five things a day in a seven hour shift. But, oh well, it's fun. I like dusting.

3. We had a garage sale at our house on Saturday for my friend Megan, to raise money so she can go to acting and modeling championships. Garage sales are so much fun. I love the variety of people that showed up on our lawn. It was funny watching Katie (Megan's 8-year-old sister) walk around and try to sell people things. It started to drizzle rain around 10am. Megan said, "Katie, pray it won't rain." So Katie says, "Dear God, don't rain!" It sounded so funny telling God not to rain, or "reign." Oh, and it stopped raining. :)

4. Our dog is having a false pregnancy again. She thinks my mom's purse is her puppy. She'll lay on it, and lick it, and growls when you try to take it away.

5. Wedding stuff is going well. The invites are out, and it's very fun getting RSVPs in the mail every day.

6. We're (hopefully) going on a vacation to Victoria, Canada on Thursday. I say hopefully because my parents don't have passports. Do you think we'll make it?

7. I've been having this weird problem where the skin under my left eye itches. This lady told me to take my ring and rub it on it...like that's supposed to cure it? I did, but I think she was just trying to make me look funny, because it didn't really work.

8. I'm supposed to read about 12 books this summer for my senior project. That's about a book a week. I usually read about 3 books per year! So this is going to be hard. I'm already behind, I think!

Anyway, that's what's been happening with me. I'll try to keep this blog a little more up to date!

happy day

I was in the library today studying for my Spanish final like a good little smart studious Taylor girl...

Then I got the urge to write a poem! So I did. Then I wrote another, and another, and another! It was fun.

I didn't have anything else to write on, so I wrote them on the maps in the back of my Odyssey. It's fun to write on things that aren't supposed to be written on. I find it inspiring! :)

writing blues

I'm not happy with anything I write. Sigh.

Johari's Window

I learned about this in a Communications class way back. Pick words that you think describe me!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=marikagrace

It's fun!

hello world.

hello world.

I thought I would post an entry to reward myself for completing a homework assignment. So here it is--yay!

I've kinda been lacking in the motivation area lately. But, you know, there is a season for work, and, darn it, there is a season for doing nothing productive whatsoever!!!! That's my paraphrase for Ecclesiastes. And even if that's not really in there, God created a Sabbath day, okay??!!? Yes, and maybe some people don't believe in Sabbaths anymore, but really, that general concept came from God. So there.

But yeah. Sometimes in life you've got to make choices. And homework does not always come first, okay people!??!?!? Sometimes you've got to make choices, and lately when I've got some options playing ping pong in my head, I've been asking myself this question to get them settled down: Which option is going to make the best memory? Like, am I even going to remember doing the stuff that seems so important now, in a year from now? If not, I'm tempted to say, "Well, screw it!" But we can't screw everything because then we'd get kicked out of college, and blah, blah, blah.

But! I believe that we shouldn't pass things up that will make memories for things that won't. Some things you don't get the opportunity to do every day, so you've got to make sacrifices in that day so you can experience the out of the ordinary! We've got to think about the future! What will we look back on and remember?

Procrastination gets a bad rap in a lot of ways. I'm sure there are people with serious issues, but generally I think people who procrastinate just realize that something more important came up.

don't worry, it's not you!

There exists a particular person whom, when I am in this person's presence, I find myself feeling unbearably annoyed. When this person speaks, I find myself visualizing a substance, similar to a mixture of tree sap and melted gummy bears, drip out of her mouth and smear all over my body. There is nothing I can do as the goo continues to crawl out of her mouth, the stickiness clogging even the air.

this will make you smile

If you haven't already seen it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

I watched it yesterday, when it had 3 million views...today it has 9 million and is on the front page of msnbc news.

I love this lady!

Meet your Meat

I know this video is really hard to watch, but it will change your life. Paul and I rented this in the DVD version from the library over break...it was like 15 minutes long. I'm glad it wasn't any longer. I've never considered myself a full vegetarian, but now I'm finding myself unable to eat meat even if I tried. It's just so sad. I'm not even a real animal lover. But these animals are God's creation. God created them even before he created humans. And he has placed them under our stewardship. I'm not saying it is wrong to eat meat. But I do believe it is wrong to mistreat animals as this video displays. Even if they are going to be killed for meat, they shouldn't be tortured until their death.

can't sleep

I can't sleep. Mong mong mong...that's the sound of my brain's feelings. It's not even that late. Last week I was staying up until 2:30am because I wasn't tired. Now I am tired, but can't sleep. It's weird how you can control most things about yourself, and your body, but you can't always make yourself fall asleep. It's Pandora time now. Maybe I can lull myself to sleep. Sigh. Music is good.

I haven't written for a long time. How sad. I miss being in a writing class. Freelance isn't really a writting class to me. We don't always get to write what we want to. Articles feel stifling to me sometimes. It's not as free. Plus, I believe my work is not as quality in this class. I know my work is completely my responsibility, but it's tempting in this class to turn in work that isn't my best just because we're not really being graded on quality. (We're graded on revision process and having a market.) The grade will be virtually the same no matter the quality. So I get lazy. Not good! I don't like to see my writing and know it's not my best. It's time I write for myself though, not who's reading it. It is easier to write well under pressure, I think. I need to learn to pressure myself.

can I please babysit her?

World War II explained by a 5-year-old.

questions about pain

I just saw something very sad. :( I was walking out of Christian Marriage class today and there were two girls in front of me talking about a boy that one of them liked. Girl A was talking about her plans with Boy and Girl B was asking questions with excitement. Then I noticed Girl B was walking funny. She was limping. I looked down at her feet, watching to make sure I wasn't imagining it. Then I noticed the back of her heel was all bloody. Her white flats were scraping against her heel as she walked--the result: a bright red open scab all the way up her left heel, and the beginnings of more broken bloody skin on her right. :( All the while, Girl B talked like she wasn't in pain at all, and Girl A chattered on about Boy without noticing her friend's obvious limp.

Why didn't the Girl B take her shoes off once they were outside? Why didn't she tell Girl A of her pain, so she could slow down? Why didn't Girl A not notice anything wrong?

Did Girl B do the right thing by not saying anything? Was she being a selfless servant by not thinking of herself, and listening to Girl A? I'm thinking of this as a metaphor...if you are having a problem or pain in your life, should you not tell people about it? Just ignore it, so you can give yourself to others, focus all your attention to others? Or is it wrong not to tell people about your pain? Is it deceitful to hide your pain from others?

well, computer problems suck

Yes. They really do. Just in case you were wondering. I don't know if there is a tornado going on right now, or what. I heard a siren a little while ago, but I figured it was an ambulance. My roommate said that was a tornado alert though. I wondered why I didn't know what a tornado alert sounded like... am I supposed to know these things? We don't have tornadoes where I come from! Just earthquakes. But whatever.

Back to the subject. Computer problems suck. My computer died about a week or so ago. Actually, it still works perfect; I just can't use it because the screen is black. If I shine a lamp on it, I can see that everything is working fine. I just called Dell, and they said my warranty is used up. So I don't know what to do without paying a bunch of money. I work with some people in the I.T. Dept. at Taylor, and one of the guys there has been helping me, so hopefully he can get me hooked up with someone that will fix it for cheap.

In the meantime, I've been using Paul's computer. He's actually been trying to get rid of his computer for months. He had been leaving it in his closet most of the time, and was thrilled that I was "taking it for him." He says he gets distracted with having a computer, and wastes time on it playing games or whatever, instead of hanging out with people. So it's been a great trade! A computer, for the absence of a computer.

But now I was just having internet connection problems with this computer. It's probably because of the storm/tornado that is happening. I restarted it like five times, lol, and now it seems to be working. I could never be a computer repair person. Computers don't make sense. Sure, they're machines and they should work according to their programming, but sometimes they can be so random! It's like this broken stereo at my parents house--sometimes if you kick the speakers a certain way, it starts working!

Speaking of randomness, I want to tell you about this wonderful simile I read in Silence in October today. I will give it to you in the context of the paragraph:

"I found her building and rang the buzzer. A long time passed and I was about to go look for a telephone when she stuck her head out of a window on the third floor. She hadn't expected me so early. Her long hair hung down around her face like an abbreviated, golden brown waterfall as she smiled, told me to let myself in, and threw the key down to the sidewalk."

Her long hair down...like an abbreviated, golden brown waterfall. Delight! I was in the Well when I read this, on a bicycle machine. I just looked up from the book and gazed off like I was in love. And I am in love. Sigh. What a purely wonderful image. Now, don't any of you tell me you've heard of hair described as an abbreviated golden brown waterfall and burst my bubble! :)

openness and honesty

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be open and honest. It started in Christian Marriage class I guess. Snyder was talking about how it's a research statistic that people who are open/honest/vulnerable/transparent or who "self-disclose" more are correspondingly liked more by others. And it even works the other way around. After you "self-disclose" to someone, you end up liking the person that you self-disclosed to more! Maybe it's not that profound of a statistic, but it's kept me thinking about it even days later...

Snyder also had us write down which we thought was more important in a marriage--openness or honesty. In class, I was really confused because I was having a hard time defining the difference. But I liked what other people said. Clearly, honesty is more important because what good is a bunch of information about a person if it's not the truth? For example, let's say you're dating someone and you're talking and being really "open" and telling them all sorts of things, and he/she is telling you all sorts of things. Then you come to find out once you're married (heaven forbid!) that all this time he/she has been lying to you! Pfhhhh, openness!!! Honesty is clearly more important.

But! Then someone else spoke up and said he thought openness was more important. He said he sees openness as containing honesty within it. I think I'm jumping more onto his train of thought now. Honesty is fine and dandy, but if you don't tell your spouse (boyfriend/friend/any person) things (aka, being open), and just wait for them to ask you, it might never happen! You can easily detour around the question while still being technically honest! So, if honesty is assumed in openness, then clearly, openness is the most important of the two.

It even parallels in God's relationship to us. He has been completely open and honest to us through his word. He does not even hide what will happen to us and the world in the future. He tells us how the world began. What a gift of openness!

All this thinking about openness and honesty has caused me to recognize it more clearly in my relationships. And it's so true! I am naturally drawn to people who seem to be more open and honest with themselves and with others. When other people open up, it's easier for you to open up, and the result is just an all-together good feeling of having someone know and understand you!

Something else Dr. Snyder said was that the number one reason that people marry other people is because of genuineness. Hmm! It holds true with why I was attracted to Paul. So interesting!

I'm surprised how much I remember from this class. How surprising to have a class that actually teaches life skills and concepts!

Anyways, so my new goal for myself is to become a more open and honest person. Mainly open--since I don't think I have a lying problem. I think usually I'm pretty picky about who I open up to...which isn't necessarily a bad trait, I don't think. You've got to have some wisdom about who to trust. But, on the other hand, if no one opened up to anybody, nobody would know anybody! And that would be a very sad world.

we have a honeymoon!

Wednesday was a good day. Paul and I got a honeymoon and a place to live for next year, all in the same day!

The honeymoon spot is going to be Waldport, Oregon. Paul's mom's aunt has a vacation house right on the beach there, and she said we could stay there for free! I guess Paul's mom's cousins (is that confusing?) all have families in Portland, and don't have time to stay at the house, so it rarely gets used. I think we can pretty much stay there as long as we want. So, yay! She said every room in the house was built to have a view of the beach, haha! Anyway, it's awesome, and just what we wanted. We were going to go to Barbados, since his parents have a time share there, but the flights there would have been pretty expensive, and long, and we hate flying anyway...and we will have other chances to go there in the future. I love Oregon, it's so beautiful and green there! I could really see myself living there someday. I love all the outdoorsy/hippie/earthy people. It will be nice to have a car to drive around with there and check places out.

The first night we're gonna stay at this really nice resort hotel in Snoqualmie, with a waterfall! It worked out perfect, because that place is right on the way to start the drive to Oregon. After the honeymoon, we'll probably drive back, open all the gifts, and finish packing for school... and then go on honeymoon #2! Driving across the country! Yay! I love road trips. I don't know what route we'll take yet, but maybe we'll stop by Colorado and conquer those Rocky Mountains. :)

The other thing we found out is that we're living in Fairlane next year! It was our first choice because it was the best deal, and it comes mostly furnished. Furnished=necessity for us, since we don't really want to lug a bunch of furniture around, or buy a bunch of it for only one semester and J-term (and then have to lug it somewhere else). So, yippee! Things are working out, and God is providing for us. :)

I'm so excited for the summer. I'm so excited to get married, and for the honeymoon, and just to BE married to Paul. I haven't done hardly any wedding planning in the last two months--I'm just not that into it anymore. All the details of the wedding... I find myself saying, "Yeah, sure whatever! That looks good!" and making decisions really fast. Usually, I can never make decisions! So this change is good, I think. It certainly makes planning a lot less stressful. I just know that it will all work out in the end, and all these little details people freak out about don't really matter. It's a very freeing feeling. :)

¡uʍop ǝpısdn pןɹoʍ ʎɯ uɹnʇ noʎ

japenese acrobats from 1904

chic week

This past week has been what Sammy calls "dude week," where all the guys in Sammy give up something for the week. Since Paul was participating in this by giving up video games, all TV, all junk food, all meat, all dairy, as well as fasting on Tuesday and Thursday (and probably something else I'm forgetting), I felt inspired to have my own little version--"chic week." I choose to give up meat and internet--the internet being the much more difficult one! The one exception to the rule would be that I could check my email once a day...since you never know when a prof is going to throw an extra assignment on ya!

The results of this week were that I got to bed A LOT earlier. Also, I felt much more focused. I think being on the internet a lot makes me start to think in terms of clicking, and having multiple tabs open at the same time, and my brain starts getting jittery... It's hard to explain. I'll have these little pop-up thoughts throughout the day, but then they'll be gone the next second, because I'm on a different page, or something else has popped up. I also felt less rushed. I had more time to do everything--getting ready in the morning, doing chores... I had more time for people. I called my friends more than usual; I wanted to do things. I was less forgetful too. I even worked out twice during the week! This is unusual.

I also got to read a lot more. This may horrify you literary, reader-type people, but I haven't read a book for fun, entirely, all the way through, for years. I've started many different books, but then I loose interest, or am annoyed by something about the way it is written, and abandon the book. The closest I've got to finishing a for fun book is Jane Eye, which I probably would have finished if I didn't keep leaving it at home.

Anyways, last week I ordered a book on Amazon called Silence in October by Jens Christian Grondahl. I heard about this book through reading By Cunning and Craft last year in Fiction class. It quoted Silence in October, and I remember being so drawn by those couple paragraphs. And now I am so glad I bought the book! I love the way it is written. I don't think I have seen one quotation mark of dialogue in the whole book yet. I didn't have anything against quoted dialogue before, but I can't say I miss it now. I can't really describe why I am loving this book so much, other than that the characters are so rich, and just the way it is written...which I can't describe. I will link an excerpt here if you are interested. I don't want to talk it up too much though, because maybe it's just me. I haven't finished the book yet, but I don't think I'll be abandoning this one.

i want a puppy!

This is so cute!

rain, rain, go away...

So, I just don't understand people who say they love the smell of rain. I hate the smell of rain! I think it's gross. It smells like the word "moist" sounds. Moooiiiiist. Yuck. The air feels sticky to breathe. And it almost smells salty to me, but not a warm beach salty...it's mooooiiist. And it feels like it's getting all over you, and doesn't go away... I just want it to go away.

what do you do?

Today, I got a package in the mail from my brother, Caleb...it was a birthday gift, a new webcam with a microphone attached. :) I forget if I mentioned before, but Caleb came to Taylor the same time I did, but left after fall of this year, and is now working with my dad and then plans to transfer to a different college in the fall. Anyway, after quite a struggle we figured out how to get the voice working on the webcam, and he has one too, so we just talked for a while. He told me about how he went to Applebees this weekend and ordered (and ate) three full meals, plus a disappointingly small ice cream sundae...and the reaction of the 100 lb. waitress. :) That in itself was probably worth the $30 something bill.

Anyways, he told me about this guy my dad and him met at a Calvary Chapel conference somewhere... The guy was sitting next to them and my dad and him start talking. He seemed normal but once they start talking, you could tell the guy's not completely "there," so to speak. My dad asks the generic smalltalk question, "So what do you do?" The guy replies, "I just do what I can." He just does what he can. What a profound statement! Then later, the guy says, "I'm a top ringer!" My dad asks, "a top ringer?" I guess the guy worked for the Salvation Army, and brought in the most money--$5,000. He said, "Yeah, the trick is when the shift is over and it was time to go home...I just stayed!"

I dunno, that little story just struck me... He just does what he can. I'm sure God is using him in the things he does. It seems he has the willing, and cheerful heart to do what he can, and he does! I just think that is very admirable.

hahaha

Okay, so I just learned a new word. It's really amazing.

...the word is.....

frigorific.

In fact, it's such a new word that my computer doesn't even know it and has underlined it in red.

This fabulous adjective means "causing cold" or "chilling." Merriam-Webster's Dictionary gives the example sentence, "Jamie shivered as she faced the frigorific blast of wind blowing off the lake." Or you could say, "Ugh! This friggin' frigorific wind!"

How delightful!

goodbye milk

Well, I'm kind of sad. My mom called me last night, and said that she just got back from a nutrition meeting that she just started going to. Tonight's topic was about diabetes. If you didn't know already, my mom has type 1 diabetes, which means that her body doesn't produce any insulin at all. A type 2 diabetic produces some insulin, but not enough. My mom has had type 1 diabetes ever since I was born.

Anyways, she comes back from this nutrition meeting, and I guess they said there have been studies showing that cow's milk could cause type 1 diabetes. She also said that when I was a baby and getting weened off of breast milk and onto cow's milk, I developed a rash. I had to go on goat's milk, and then the rash slowly went away. So she thinks because of that, and this new study, and the fact that I'm more susceptible to it because of genes, that I should stop drinking milk.

Here is an article by Time Magazine about the milk-diabetes connection.

This news probably came at a good time, since I've just become more interested in soy milk and almond milk. But I really like milk. Especially in the mornings. So it'll be hard to give up, but this study is scaring me enough to do it. I just hope I don't have to give up cheese and ice cream too (heck, if that happens, I might as well go vegan)! My mom said she will find out next week... I don't know if I could though--that would be rough. If it turns out we shouldn't eat ice cream too, I think Caleb (my brother) would die... When he was at Taylor he would eat an ice cream cone at every meal. Huge ones. He had DQ skills at making the tallest ice cream cone. Anyway, that would be so sad for him. I can't even imagine. Caleb without ice cream...that's just wrong.

Ho hum. Superbowl.

I shamelessly declare that I did not see one minute of it!

Yay :)

God and Lungs

So much has happened since my last post. I can't go into detail about it all...but I'll give it a small effort.

Thursday night, after journal-making, I went to the prophecy meeting. The routine went as normal. Dr. Heth spoke for a while, we worshiped, and then the main student guy described the prophecy process. Like I explained a post or two ago, the guy picks four people randomly, and then everyone else tries to hear from God about those four people. Anyways, before I went, I had a feeling I would get chosen, and I did! Paul told me afterwards that he had had a feeling I would get chosen too. I was excited but nervous. The nerves wore off though after the first guy was prophesied over. The first thing anybody said was from this guy who got the picture from God of a shark fin in the water, but then a dolphin jumps out of the water, and there really is no shark. He said the thought that meant that the guy has no reason to be afraid about something in his life. The guy sitting next to me (who was getting prophesied over) just started to break down in tears immediately. It really seemed like God reached him. He sobbed for several minutes. I don't see any reason why a guy would do that unless God broke through something in his life...

Anyway, after a while, my turn came. I got several responses, but I will mention the most common ones here. Multiple people got images of rushing water. The first person saw a rainstorm, that was making a flood of constant love. Then he saw Noah, and thought this meant that I will tell others of God's love. Someone else saw a showerhead, gushing out water, and interpreted this to mean love coming down as well. Someone else saw a waterfall, with water increasing, and paving new river beads. He saw this to mean that I will be able to reach new people through love. One person got the image of eyes. He felt God was saying that I will be able to see people, and see people who are hungry for God. A girl saw a clock with the hands moving backwards. She said that God will take care of time. When she said that, I immediately thought of the wedding and how I worry about the future. I know it is a general statement (everyone probably has time issues), but still it was comforting. A guy said he saw me standing in a racetrack. But all the cars stopped. He said maybe God wants a calm on your life. One girl had a distinct image of a little girl in a village that was on fire, but then she finds me, and I keep her safe. I don't know what this means, but I thought it was interesting. Many people saw different images of stars. Someone said God guides the stars, he'll guide you. There were many many other things people said but I can't write them all down here...

I walked away that night feeling very encouraged. I don't know how many of those things were actually directly from God, but it was at least encouraging that people were trying to hear from God. I can't say I had a dramatic revelation from God about my life. But I did feel God's presence and was inspired to desire him more, so it definitely was worth it. That was my second time there, so I'm still new to it all. I'm not going to limit God in the way he works.

By the time I got home that night, it was almost midnight. I read in bed for a while and then I got a text from Liz at 1:30am. It read:

"My left lung collapsed and I just had surgery."

!!!

Long story short, she has spontaneous something thorax. She got a hole in her lung somehow (my guess is laughing too much!) and so when she breathed the air was escaping the lung instead of circulating. So air was filling up outside her lung, where it wasn't supposed to be, and the pressure from the outside air caused her lung to collapse. So they did surgery and stuck a tube in there to suck the unwanted air out. I drove over to spend the night with her there at the hospital the night of, and she was so out of it and drugged up that she could hardly stay awake. The nurses were all really nice though and took care of her well. She fell asleep and I was trying to sleep on this chair, but it had huge armrests on it, so I couldn't curl up. The room was dark now and the nurses were gone. This is weird but I asked God, "how can I get comfortable in this chair?" I was thinking there had to be a way I could sleep on it. Immediately after I thought that, a nurse walked in and was like "Oh, let me make that into a bed for you!" She pulls on something underneath the seat and two entire new sections come out of the chair! And wah-lah! It's a full sized padded bed. Then she brings me sheets and blanket (I already had my pillow). It was awesome, and I actually slept well! Anyways, Liz is doing a lot better now and should be out of the hospital on Wednesday or Thursday. Her dad and best friend from home (NY) drove over to see her and are with her now. And my goodness! Liz has the best attitude ever! I woke up in the morning that day, and she's telling me how blessed she is, and how lucky she feels that God is using her and will use this experience in her life!

I think I've hit my word limit for the day. Sleepy time!

haha

I just like watching the bride's head pop off..! ha!

"You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills..."

On Sunday, Paul mentioned that we should do more art type things together. This got me thinking that I don't really have very many hobbies/skills. I don't have any skills like knitting, or cooking, or marathon running, or flying a helicopter, or burping the alphabet. I just have the essential skills like driving a car and tying my shoe laces.

So, I dug in my brain to see what skill I wanted to develop. Because skills don't just appear out of nowhere! You gotta practice them. I decided that it would be nice to know how to make something. So then I thought of making journals! So I started researching this, (hence my last post)...found some sites, and found that it seemed to be more complicated than I expected (if I wanted to do a nice job). Then I remembered that my church (exit 59) was doing a journal making ministry! So I emailed the guy and sure enough, they were meeting the next day to make journals! They are selling the ones they make to try to buy women in Africa out of the sex trade...eventually a team will go there and teach them how to make the journals... so cool! So I went on Monday and I'm going again tonight! I don't think I'm very good at it, but practice, they say, makes perfect.

Oh! Cool thing happened! Today in Contemporary Christian Belief, Speigel talked about developing moral skills. Every virtue or fruit of the Spirit is a skill that needs to be developed...through practice. It seems pretty basic, but that was pretty dawning to me. By the way, my Book of Virtues still hasn't come yet, and I've been faithfully checking my mail every day! Haha, maybe they do that on purpose to make you develop patience! Ho ho! How clever.

Anyway, I'm excited about this new goal for myself now to get some skills! They say self-control is the most important fruit of the Spirit...because all the other virtues branch off of it.

Also, I'm excited about and interested in this new group that has been happening on campus...where students can practice prophecying. I've very slowly (over years) been more open to trusting God's work through spiritual gifts (it started with Ivory!). Last Thursday, I went to the meeting, and the group practiced trying to hear from God to prophecy over four different students. I've never really done something like that before, and it was obvious that God was working through people. I practiced for the first time saying what I thought God was telling me and "prophecied" over two different people. It was a step of faith each time because I wasn't 100% sure that it was God speaking to me...but that's the whole reason they started this group. So that people can practice in a safe environment and learn how to hear and discern God's voice. In a way, we are developing the skill of discernment to recognize God's voice. I'm very excited to go again tonight (9pm at the old prayer chapel)! :)

Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. ~1 Cor. 14:1

love it

Haha, I bet you can't do THIS with a blog!!!

it feels so wrong...

Ugh, I feel so annoyed. I hate how it's just expected to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding. That's stupid. It feels wrong. I feel like Paul and I started the wedding planning out pretty simple (so I could stay in college, go figure), but my mother and future new mother (in-law) are wanting to spend more money on it than I'm comfortable with. It just feels so wrong to blow so much money for one day. I want the day to be about God, not how everything looks. My future mother-in-law bought us an over $1000 wedding cake for Christmas. I was shocked and humbled, but I also have this other feeling now...just uncomfortable with it I guess. I just can't justify spending $1000 on food, much less cake. I don't know, it just feels so strange. I don't know how I should feel. Thankful? It is a very nice thing to do, but I would never spend my own money that way, so I guess it's hard to accept. It's not like I can reject her gift though. That would seem so rude.

And now I just got a quote back from our florist consultation: $1,350. Gah! Another $1000 that will be gone after that one day. Sigh. I just can't handle it. I just can't handle throwing money away like that. It seems so wrong. The only thing I really ever cared to spend money on was the wedding dress...that could at least be passed on to my daughter someday. But spending on things that are just going to get tossed in the garbage later...how is that okay???

I guess my mom already went out and bought tablecloths and some table decorations...I have no idea what she spent on those...

I want it to be simple from here on out...new florist please!! I don't want to feel guilty walking down the aisle...

coffee & books

Well, I was just going to go to bed, when I realized that was a ridiculous idea, since my hands are shaking and I feel more alert and jittery than a chipmunk. Paul and I went to Starbucks (we wanted to go to Payne's but it was closed!) today and shared a venti mocha...I haven't had coffee since J-term started, but I didn't think it would effect me this much! Especially since I only drank half of it. I think it might be wearing off a little bit though...it's been almost 6 hours already--about time!

Anyway, I've always been a "fluffy" coffee drinker...needing my sugar and creme...latte's...fraps, etc. But I realized today that I've never really given black coffee a chance. I want to transition to black coffee since it's so much cheaper. Paul says to do that I have to just start drinking it for like a month straight. He says to go cold turkey and not put anything in it. He says the real flavor of coffee gets ruined by the other stuff. SO, I'm going to try a black coffee tomorrow at the Jumping Bean. He recommends Papa New Ginea, I think it was.

Well, lately I've been experiencing the guilty joy of buying books on Amazon for $.01. I just can't resist it! Although it comes to like $4 with shipping...but still. Today I bought "The Book of Virtues." I remember reading that when I was a little girl, or someone reading it to me. I love those stories with good morals! So enlightening and life-applicable. I can't wait to get it in the mail! I am just anticipating the nostalgia and wisdom.

There is something about seeing virtues play out in stories (or real life) that make them so much more accessable than trying to figure out just by thinking about it what "love your neighbor" actually means. I wish my J-term class didn't require so much reading! I mean, the book we're reading is pretty good, but I'm burnt out on reading by the time I'm done, so I don't get to read my personal interest books!

Now that I think about it, I don't really have hardly any personal interest books here...books are too heavy to pack in my suitcase! But that's okay, I'll just buy them on Amazon! I do feel kind of bad though, always buying used books, because the money never gets to the author. But on the other hand, buying used books is kind of like recycling, and recycling is good! But it does seem unfair for authors.

Attention Jane Austen and Facebook lovers....
Meet Austenbook.