I need to sleep. I feel like I get more and more disorganized every day. My dad called yesterday and wants me to consider staying home after Christmas and taking spring semester of college off. The reason being so I can work and help pay for my wedding. On first hearing this, it seemed incredibly depressing...and still is in a lot of ways. Okay, yeah...it's still depressing in most every way. Honestly, I think I'd rather elope than quit school. My dad's always the one saying that I should focus on school more than the wedding, so I don't know why he's bringing this up now. He said something like, "I just want to make sure you get married this summer." What's THAT supposed to mean???? Jeez. I don't want to come home and work some dead-end job for more than a few months, and then spend it all on my own wedding...One day of my life. I don't want to be remembering that day as being an accumulation of all the work I've done while I could have been finishing up my degree. What's the point? Weddings aren't supposed to be like that.
I'd rather just get married in the church and go ultra-ultra cheap and have it be a small wedding I think. I don't know. I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I just don't want it to screw up the time when Paul would graduate, because I think it would if he came home.
I just can't believe how fast things change. How fast plans change. Plans aren't really anything anyway.
We talked about transferring to Central after we get married...which would be cool because it would probably be free for us, and Paul's brother Eric would be going there. It would be nice to hang out with him more, and hopefully affect his life if we could.
I just don't know. I don't like not having set plans of how things will happen. I just don't know how this is all going to work out. I just want to graduate college... And I'm so close. I don't feel like stretching it out any longer. I could be graduated by the end of January 2010. That's a little over a year from now! I think we will probably stay at Taylor. It seems silly to stop college for a wedding. I don't know. Maybe it's not...
I just wish I knew what to do!!!