The Singing Microwave and His Lover, The Wailing Elephant (Part 1)

[This is how I destress from the pressure of actually writing something serious for my senior project.]

Yes, it may be hard to believe. A microwave falling in love with an elephant. A relationship destined for trouble, perhaps? Particular trouble, perhaps? Don't tell the microwave that—you'll break his heart! Just listen to the story, and believe that love is stronger, no matter the circumstances.

It all started in Burger Land, at the We Love Animals Zoo. Sammy, the zookeeper, was whistling his favorite tune as he shoveled elephant dung into a wheelbarrow, all the while thinking of his small baby at home whose bodily wastes are quite—well! He didn't even have a chance to finish that thought because a quite atrocious noise entered his ears. An elephant was throwing her tusk into the air and making the saddest, loudest, most peculiar noise an elephant could make. The sound reminded Sammy of the sound his baby makes when he wants his mommy and milk. Except worse. Way worse. Like perhaps the sound of his baby turning into a demon child who demands milk like a miniature Hitler. Except sad. And mournful.

Anyway, it is hard to describe. We will call it a wail. The Wailing Elephant continued to wail and wail and wail. Was this a tantrum, for more food? Was the Wailing Elephant depressed? Or did she just like the sound of her own noises? The zookeepers were quite confused. They tried giving her more food. She wailed. They tried special treats. Just wailing. She continued in her wailing for what seemed like a decade. By now there was an enormous crowd watching the Wailing Elephant. No one could figure it out. Well, the zookeepers just gave up, and went to their break room. They had tried everything. Finally, the Wailing Elephant ceases her wailing, and took a drink of water.

In the break room, the zookeepers sighed with relief that the terrible noise had finally stopped. Sammy was hungry and decided to put some Mac N Cheese in the microwave, for lunch. The microwave seemed dead. No lights no nothing. Stunned, you could say. You see, this microwave heard the Wailing Elephant's music. And that's exactly what it was to him. The most beautiful music he'd ever heard. He was dumbstruck from the lovely song the Wailing Elephant sang. Downright speechless. Yes, you could say the microwave fell in love at first hearing. He had never laid eyes on the Wailing Elephant. Didn't even know what an elephant looked like, in fact. He had entered the zoo in a box, remember now. But he didn't care. He was so deep in love, that not even the CEO of General Electric could have pulled him out of it. He knew he had to meet his love. This was the microwave's firmest conviction.

Once he had settled this in his mind, all this lights flickered on, and the letters L-O-V-E scrolled across his screen. Sammy blinked his eyes a few times, thinking he must be seeing things! Then he stuck his Mac N Cheese to get heated up. Remember now, that the microwave's firmest conviction now is to find his love, and win her. He turns on, and the Mac N Cheese spins. The microwave gets an idea. He pushes some of the wheels on the plate a little off the track as it spins. The result: a squeaking, moaning, horrifying noise. He twists the wheels more, and the noise is now almost equivalent to the wailing of the Wailing Elephant. “Perhaps, the Wailing Elephant will hear the Singing Microwave calling to her. Perhaps she will know that I love her,” thought the Singing Microwave.

The Wailing Elephant heard his cry, and curvaciously raised her trunk answer him.

“What is going on here!” The boss flew into the break room. “The microwave is singing, and the elephant is wailing!”

The noises were quite horrendous to all the zookeepers, and as a result, they were becoming quite irritable. Sammy stopped the microwave and decided to just eat his Mac N Cheese half cold.