pinguecula

This last summer I went to an eye doctor because I noticed these little white bumps just outside my pupils (on the side closest to my nose). I was freaked out that it was some kind of eye cancer, but the doctor told me it was just "pinguecula," a non-cancerous growth of the mucous membrane...blah, blah, blah. So, I was fine. I got a hefty medical bill for 5 minutes in the doctor's office to notify me that I didn't need a doctor.

Lately, though, my eyes have been looking really blood-shot, and they get progressively worse throughout the day. I feel like people must think I'm on drugs all the time--it's terrible. Also, when I wear my contacts, I can feel them rubbing on my pinguecula, and it's really uncomfortable and stings. So lately, I've been trying to wear my glasses more often, despite the fact that I hate wearing my glasses. I can't see as well in them, and they hurt my nose, and I hate turning my head everywhere I want to look, and I hate not being able to wear sunglasses without looking like total dork (and I have to wear sunglasses because they say that the sun is what causes pinguecula in the first place).

I guess I've just taken for granted that I would be able to wear contacts the rest of my life, but it's looking like I'm going to be glasses-girl from now on. Ugh. This probably all sounds really immature, but glasses are just such a pain! Which has got me thinking about laser eye surgery, but after watching a youtube video of the procedure, I am terrified. All the stories of people getting double vision, dry eyes, or even blindness doesn't help either.

So glasses-girl it is. I just hope the redness and hotness of my eyes goes away soon, if I wear my glasses for a while. I might just have to go shopping for a really cute pair of specs to solve this... ;)

a merry christmas eve to you!

Christmas Eve is one of my very favorite holidays, and I much prefer to it Christmas. I love it because of the hope and anticipation--something to look forward to! I also enjoy Christmas eve church services and just that most of the celebratory activities take place in the evening or late night. Things just seem cozy and warm in the nighttime.

My family has always opened presents on Christmas morning, leaving not much to do when evening comes around. But Christmas Eve has always been special.

To the left is our tree, very happy and looking well-loved with the pretty wrapped packages!

Updates since last post:

1. I got a job! :O

God is so faithful and has given me a wonderful full-time job. The job is at a college-prep school in San Marino, about three miles away. I work in Admissions as the "Admissions Office Administrator." The school is called Southwestern Academy and it has about 125 students grades 6-12 --half International students, and half American students.

I really feel like God just handed me this job, because I don't think they even interviewed anybody else for the position. Basically, I was getting sick of applying to Craigslist jobs where everyone and their moms were applying. So, I started emailing places that I thought looked interesting and asking about open positions and attaching my resume. I did this with Southwestern, and got a call the next day from the Headmaster asking about an interview. Within a week, I had the job--it was seamless. So after much prayer and as much trust as I could give, God brought me to where I am.

It's amazing to think that a year ago, in Indiana, I was getting up at 3am in the morning to drive a half hour away to work at Macy's, lugging around huge metal fixtures for a few hours, at minimum wage. Incredible. Now I'm getting almost triple that for less than half the work! But I guess that's just how office jobs are.

Before I got this job, I prayed asking God that, whatever job I get, please help me to be a good steward of my money. Please. I feel it is so easy with me and my generation to get carried away with having the most modern material things. I really view this job as a gift, so I feel like I need to give as much as possible in a godly way. It is so easy, once you have excess money, to spend it quickly. I think these last three months when we were pretty low on money really taught me to be super thrifty and get creative.

Speaking of creativity, lately, I've been feeling really crafty! I don't know what has gotten into me, but I want to do all kinds of artsy things! I want to try my hand at painting, sewing all kinds of things, making magnets, thumbtacks, embroidering stuff...We even rearranged our room so that I could have a special place for being creative--ha! I've been reading all these blogs and I'm getting super inspired! I will add some to my "Blogs I Read List." Beware, they can be addicting!

I'm even thinking about starting to write again... Here is a good article I read today: 8 Habits that Kill Creativity

Merry Christmas, friends!

you know you're poor when...

...you find yourself taping together broken Christmas ornaments that were free in the first place!

We make do. :)

Here's what our living room looks like, after several "cheap" updates.

Pictures from Ross. Donated couch and rocking chair. $40 love seat. $20 Christmas tree.

Donated coffee table. Flea market vintage mirror. Wedding gift chest and pottery. Gifted bookcase. Donated TV. Handmade pillow and quilt!

three very different jobs

My last post was exactly a month ago! I have so much new news!

I went to a temp agency because I was starting to get desperate for work, and about three weeks ago, they got me a temporary job at this company called W i r e l e s s W a t c h d o g s. They said it was only going to be a two day data entry job. Turns out, it was over three weeks long, and the job was half on the phone, half data entry. I didn't mind it and it wasn't stressful. Basically, big companies hire out this company to manage their phones. So, my job was copying and pasting numbers into a website and spreadsheet to "swap" or "flip-flop" the SIM cards on phones. All day. This involved me calling a phone company all day long, because some of it we couldn't do online. This is really hard to explain (and probably extremely boring to listen to), but, for some reason, for every "swap" or "flip-flop," I had to call the phone number twice. I couldn't have the rep just do what I needed them to do on the first call--I was strictly supposed to hang up, and call right back for each "swap" or "flip-flop" (with hundreds of these to do). So, as you can probably guess, the reps got used to me really quick. Furthermore, if I got the same rep on the second call, I wasn't allowed to do the "swap" or "flip-flop." I was told to tell them that I had accidentally called the wrong number. That answer got old really fast, so if I got the same rep on the second call, I would just ask them for some information that I didn't need, and then hang up and call back again. I was strictly not allowed to ask to speak to a different rep (I got in trouble for this! lol!).

Ugh, this is taking up my whole blog. Anyway, a particular rep got particularly annoyed with me, and threatened that her supervisor told her that I need to stop calling so often or she would complain to my supervisor! I told the person who was training me, and she reported the lady to her supervisor. Then over the next few days, I was reported by a rep or reps who claimed I put them on hold for up to 3 minutes (not true) and that I had been calling for over a month, (it had only been two weeks at that point). Anyway, after that, I was no longer allowed to call the phone company, and was only supposed to do the "swaps" and "flip-flops" online. Yay! Does this sound like a wacky job yet? Oh, I forgot to mention that I was commuting 1.5 hours (LA traffic) each way every day to do this. The actual people I worked with in the office were really fun, and I liked them, but this job was wearing on me. I would leave at 7:30am and not get home until 7:30pm at night.

Just before I got this job, a family contacted me through my Care.com profile, asking if I could walk their dogs a few times a week. I agreed, and once I got the phone job, they let Paul walk them with me after work, paying us $50 an hour about 4-6 days a week! This dog-walking job alone is coming close to paying our rent every month, and all I can say is that God provides in very mysterious ways!

But with the dog walking job, I had no free time during the week. I had put up a Craigslist ad on the weekend for ESL tutoring, and now have three students! I decided to quit the phone job on Wednesday, because it wasn't looking like I was going to get my hours changed (so that I could avoid traffic), and after making some calculations, I realized if I got a few more ESL students, I wouldn't even need the job!

Ahh, so now I finally have my life back. My family is coming to visit us on Wednesday and we are going to my aunt's house, who lives about 4 hours away, for Thanksgiving. I am so excited!

I am really enjoying teaching English. My first student was Indonesian, and now I have a Korean, and a Chinese student. I am going to put up ads on the bulletin boards around campus today. There are a lot of Koreans on campus that may be interested. It would be so cool if I could do this, and not have to get a "real" job! I just really like the idea of working for myself. I've always had that entrepreneurial spirit. We will see...!

Love & Peace to you all.

my soul sings

We went for our second time to this church in Pasadena yesterday, called "Epicentre," and I'm really loving it. It's nothing like I've ever experienced. It meets in an elementary school, and there are about 100 or so people that go, the vast majority of which are Asians. Yesterday we got there early, by accident, and discovered that there are lot of people that come early to pray for the church in small groups. So, we came in and the Pastor came up to us and introduced himself (name tags=newbie alert!) and explained what was happening. We sat down and he came to pray with us and some others came over to pray too. He prayed for me that I would get a job, specifically within two weeks! I'm really excited to see what happens in the next week or so now. :)

The real church service starts by there being "prayer points" on the screen and everyone just prays aloud personally to God. It is so powerful to hear people from all different nationalities praying for our world, our church, our country and leaders! It's so refreshing to start the service off with EVERYONE praying, not just the person in leadership.

After that happens for a while, there is worship which is really loud (almost too loud! lol), but just alive and with new songs. We sang this AMAZING song yesterday, and I couldn't find a youtube video of it, but here is one recording I found...it's a large file and takes a lot to get going, but I LOVE this song! AH!

http://www.jonathanfordlee.com/mp3/12.14.09.JustALittleWhileLonger.mp3

Maybe it's not that new, has anyone heard this before? Just found a youtube video for it (I don't think I like it as much as the other recording though):

The other thing I really like about this church is that they have Life Groups that you can get plugged into mid-week for encouragement and community within the church. Lots of churches do that, but still, I like it! We might go to one this week.

Another thing is that this church is really open about where they are financially. This church is actually in debt by thousands of dollars, which kind of put me off a bit until I found out what happened. But they put the numbers on the screen, and I've never had a church be so up front like that with the money.

I know I need to do a Pasadena update, but I'll summarize right now by saying that I feel really good here. I feel like most of people we've met have a real commitment to their faith, and it's been so awesome being in a more diverse environment. I LOVE it! Excited for the future.... :D

help!

So, last weekend I went on a vintage hunt, and one of the things I came back with are these crazy and fabulous vintage earrings.

I'm trying to list them on my store right now, but I have no idea what to title them! May I enlist the creative muses of my fellow lurking bloggers?

I need you! Don't let me down. :)

an unlucky hour

We went out tonight to Trader Joe's to pick up some groceries. When we got back, I noticed a mighty speedy and large bug running around our floor. Paul proceeded to find a way to kill it. First choice: broom. We looked all over the house and then realized we don't have a broom because we didn't pack our old one. Paul resorted to chasing the insect around the house with his Chaco's for the next 20 minutes--this bug must have been from the grasshopper family because it could jump.

I went outside to sit on the doorstep until the deed was done. I couldn't stand to watch it running around everywhere any longer. So I'm sitting there in the dim evening, looking around, and I notice something hanging from the staircase in front of me. Then I notice it's a bike lock. Our bike lock. Alone. And no bikes. Someone had cut through our bike lock and stolen both our bikes. I run back inside to a room full of displaced furniture and my husband with a sandal in his hand exclaiming, "I got it!" Told him that our bikes were gone. That sucks.

We moved all the furniture back, and I went to do the dishes and mourn the loss of our bikes. I had just bought my bike a month ago, and Paul's was worth over $300. Paul came later, and started drying. I put a glass cup in the rack and it somehow falls out and breaks on the counter, cutting Paul's hand in two places, and splattering blood on his khaki shorts. "Spousal abuse! Spousal abuse!"

Hopefully that will be all the bad luck we have tonight. :)

my other husband

Jesus is my STRENGTH! We've been here for two weeks, and already God has used this change to get ahold of my attention. I am so thankful! I have been so concentrated on getting a job, but how many times have I stopped and PRAYED about it? When I realized this, and started praying about it, over and over I just kept realizing how it doesn't even matter! I feel like for so long I've put my hope in money...striving for meaningless things. But what life is that. It's dead. And I am so glad that God has been teaching me! He disciplines those he LOVES! There is such a freedom in waiting in trust that he loves, and knows, and will take care. What do I have to worry about? He knows the number of hairs on my head...he takes care of the birds of the air...he CARES! How amazing that the God of this entire world is thinking about ME! It is such a deep affection he has.

The other day, I found a journal of mine from 2006-2007. I couldn't believe the things I wrote in it...how off I was about the future. Even things I had written about guys...and thinking about future marriage. I had no clue of God's plan! It just made me want to trust all the more in him, and give everything over to him more. I am so glad I didn't go with my plans for the future! Oh God, am I glad! There was only one thing I can think of that was in God's plan that I wrote about:

April 20, 2007 (About 2 months before I met Paul)

"Tonight I prayed that since 'It is not good for a man to be alone'... God, make my man not alone anymore, and introduce me to him!"

Hahaha! I laughed out loud when I read that because two months later, God answered my prayer!!! Journals are so great for realizing what God has done. I haven't kept a consistent journal for a year or two now. Maybe I should start again. I guess this blog is pretty much a journal.

Anyways, I'm just feeling like God and I are having a much needed reunion! Forget the cares of this world, people! He is everything!

The other MAJOR realization I had this week, was that I'm not going to be married in heaven. Duh, right? But seriously, think about it!!! I'm not going to be married to Paul in heaven. I'm going to be married to Jesus! In fact, I already AM married to Jesus. Oh, but I haven't hardly talked to Jesus for these last few weeks. Hmm. That's not a very good marriage. In fact, that resembles more of a "separated" marriage. A dying marriage. I can't believe I've been married to Jesus this whole time, and treating him like this! Holy crap! I'm a jerk. Can you imagine being married to someone, and your spouse didn't realize she was married? I'd say there's some major communication issues, if that was the case.

Prayer and God-time is different when you're married. You don't have as much natural alone time--you have to consciously seek time to be alone with God. I am so easily distracted with life, it's very difficult to actually make myself alone. I like being around people, so it's extra hard to isolate myself. But that's what Jesus did. Poor guy, everyone in the town was following him around, and he was still able to find alone time with God! Wow! He climbed up a mountain in the middle of the night to pray, didn't he? God is worth it, that's why!

dream

Last night I had a dream that I had a really cute baby girl! Haha! She had really big cheeks, and never cried. Whenever I have baby dreams, I always dream that I forget to bring a camera to the hospital and don't get any pictures of the baby just born. I also dreamt that I forgot to get the baby's weight.

Anyways, in the dream, I was walking with my mom somewhere and we had a lot of luggage we were carrying with us. Suddenly, this creepy guy comes up to me (with icky teeth), and asks if he could hold my baby. I said, "No!" and hurriedly walked away. Then we got to a safe place on the street, and I looked at my baby, and realized for the first time how precious and helpless and dependent on me she was. And what a gift God had given me. It was a spiritual and emotional experience, even as a dream.

the threat of rape

Sad that I relate so much to this post.

A guy's guide to approaching strange women without being maced.

Why being a vegetarian is the most environmental thing you can do!

Paul and I recently found a really interesting website about the effects eating meat has on the environment. Check it out here.

Basically, when you think about all the resources that go into raising an animal for meat...it's enormous! And when the average person eats 176 pounds of meat per year....that is a lot of waste happening.

Check out the chart on the website for water usage alone...

It shows the number of GALLONS of water used to produce ONE POUND of these various foods.

Pretty shocking. Even passing on the beef would reduce waste by far.

Update from Pasadena

We made it to Pasadena yesterday! We left Washington on the 1st, and stayed the night at Paul's grandma's house in Corvallis, OR...then drove all the way down to San Fran area to Paul's other grandparents' house in Hillsborough, CA the next day. We spent three nights there hanging out with them, and Paul's aunt's family, then made the final trek down to Pasadena yesterday morning.

I was so curious to see what our apartment would look like because I hadn't seen ANY pictures of it, except from what we could see on google earth of the outside. All we had seen besides that was the floor plan, but no actual pictures of the place. So as we opened the door Paul said, "Let's see where we're going to live for at least the next 6 months!"

And I must say it is better than I expected! It's bigger than anything we've had before (which isn't much! haha). The carpet looks new, and looks like there is new paint. There is bathroom counter space--OMG! And drawers and shelves and a mirror shelf--GAH! For some reason we've never lived in a place where the bathroom had any storage whatsoever. So. This is a big deal. The kitchen has more space than we've ever had before, too, so that is super awesome as well. We have cupboards and drawers now that we don't have anything to fill them with!

Anyway, you get the idea. I freaked out like this for a while. Did I mention, we have a pool? It's small, but it goes to eight feet deep, so it doesn't seem so small.

We've meet a couple people so far. There are a lot of Koreans! I don't know if it's just in our complex or what, but the majority of people I've seen are Korean! (Liz, you should tell your dad that--lots to pick from! :P )

They don't have free toilet paper like they do at Taylor, so yesterday we went on a hunt to get TP! I really had to go. We drove around for a while and got lost. Eventually plugged in the GPS to find a Trader Joes--because we knew one existed here. Got there. No parking. I got out to run to the toilet. Phew. Now to buy toilet paper. No toilet paper. Bought a bunch of other yummy healthy stuff. Went to find a new grocery store. Saw a Whole Foods. Went into their PRIVATE UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE. Found parking. Went in. Had to go up an elevator to the other half of the store. Found TP. Found TP that was $5 for 4 rolls. Went back down the elevator without TP. Left the parking garage, and kept driving. Found a place called Ralphs. Wasn't sure if it was a grocery store. Went in to their normal parking lot. Went in. Normal grocery store. Found TP! Bought TP $6.29 for 12 rolls that say they are actually 24 rolls. Signed up for a Ralphs Club Card. Went home. Had to go again.
Moral of the story: Taylor is smart and nice for having free TP.

Awesome video about how MonaVie works

change of plans

Well, I got the letter today, and I didn't get accepted at Fuller. I've been kind of expecting it these last few days since I hadn't been called for an interview, but now my hunch has been confirmed.

I'm surprised I don't feel more distressed. I feel okay, I really do. I feel like this is God's way of guiding me--by closing this door. And it's alright with me. I trust him.

Yesterday, Paul and I got to talking about stress. As far as we know today, many health conditions are initiated by stress, and it's all together a bad thing. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil. 4:6

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

As Christians, what do we really have to worry about? There's no fear in death, because we are saved. God loves us and will provide for all our needs. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?

It's so amazing, the safety we have in Christ.

thriving

So, I'm staring at our fish. Did I tell you we got a fish? We did. I bought it at Craft Warehouse out of pity. We sell these beta fish for five bucks in these little cups that are have full, and the fish just lay there and several die daily. Then we flush them down the toilet. So, I decided I'd buy one of these poor little guys, and give it a better life.

But Paul and I have this problem with spending money on pets (sorry Raquel). Basically, we just find it a little disgusting how some people spend so much money on their pets while there are real people who are in need and worth so much more. I'm thinking of those ladies who carry around chihuahuas and buy them clothes, and special dog baskets, and nail polish, and blah, blah, blah.

So, we decided we wouldn't buy anything for the fish except food and a scooper thing for getting him out. We named him Prince Kaboo (after Samuel Morris) and stuck him in the biggest vase we have, and I stole some rocks from my neighbors flower bed to put in the bottom. We're feeding him freeze-dried bloodworms, and I have no idea what those things are, but our fish is so hyper now, it's scary. His colors are getting more vibrant every day it seems.

All that to say that our fish is thriving, and it's made me think about how much our environments can change our ability to thrive. I put in my notice the other day that I'm quitting at Craft Warehouse. I'm going to work at Prey's Fruit Barn again this summer, and I can't wait! I won't go into details about why I don't like working at the craft store, but basically I'm amazed at how the management can change a work environment. So, I'm going back to Prey's and I can't wait for them to open. It will be more hours and higher pay, and I will get to see Paul more because it's in Leavenworth. So I can't wait!

But I am glad for the time I've had at Craft Warehouse because I've learned a lot about card making and jewelry making, and I really enjoy doing those things. So it wasn't all a loss. :) Those skills I can take with me the rest of my life!

So, in a week I'll be done at the craft store, and then Paul and I and my whole family will be driving down to Cannon Beach in Oregon for a little vacation. I can't wait for that, too! And in about 2 months, it will be Paul and I's one year anniversary! Wow! I'll have to do a blog post when it comes about that time. :P

fun day

I hung out with Rachel most of today, and we went shopping and found this most amazing antique store, with a ton of beautiful old books!

I found a precious old book from 1909 called "Widow's Wisdom," which is full of cute little "proverbs" about life and accompanied by quirky illustrations. I'll share some of my favorites so far:

~ "Don't take anything too seriously; not life nor love nor even yourself. As long as you can laugh, you control the situation; when you can no longer do that, some one else is laughing."

~ "There would be few marriages declared failures if both men and women would make half the effort to appear attractive, clever and amiable after marriage that they did before."

~ Place most confidence in the lover who has most difficulty in telling his love."

~ "Men who think women are angels do not know them well; but men who think them devils, do not know them at all."

~ "Virtue comes very easily to those who possess no other attractions."

~ "Don't imagine that marriage is the aim and end of existence. It is only the beginning -- too many women begin to corrode with rust when the honeymoon is over."

That's all for now. :) Enjoy! And goodnight.

feeling aimless

I'm feeling a bit aimless. I feel like I'm standing in one place and turning around in circles while staring out at nothing but white space. That sounds depressing. I don't really feel depressed though, just aimless.

I'm thinking about the move down to Pasadena and jobs down there. I search for jobs and I don't even know what I'm looking for. I still have no clue what I want to do with my life! Or what I should do with my life. So, whatever. It's not like my job "is" my life, but darn it, it takes up a good majority of it! So I'm anxious about work in the LA area, and what I'm going to end up with. And it's kind of scary to be the "bread-winner."

I keep sighing like a deflating balloon. I hate frickin' money. It's like--what the crap--we're supposed to do something meaningful with our lives, while still making a living. How are we supposed to balance that? What comes first--doing something meaningful, or making a living? I feel like most of the time, it's making a living. I've been reading this old book we've had laying around called "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow." So far, I like it. It makes me feel like there is hope in having a fun/happy/meaningful/awesome/exciting/stimulating/fulfilling/rewarding/personality-fitting job. And I hope that hope isn't just a marking scheme to sell the frickin' book! Even if it is, I got it free, so there! :P

we got internet!

Haha, we finally got our own internet today. It's a Mifi, so we can have it anywhere there is cell reception. It's sweet!

Well, if you don't already know, we decided to go to Fuller! I have a peace about it. I've been thinking about doing the Marriage & Family MA program there, and I'm pretty sure I'll start that next year. I think I need a year off of school, and I think I'll be more ready for the program after a year. But it's in God's hands.

I'm still working at the craft store, which is sometimes good, sometimes not. There is a lot of what seems like high school-ish drama that just gets tiring after a while. I am thinking about working at Prey's Fruit Barn again once they open again in June--especially if they can give me Sundays off. Craft Warehouse gave me Sunday mornings off last week, so now I can at least go to church, but it would be nice to have one whole day off with Paul.

On the up side, I'm really getting into crafts! I've been making a lot of handmade cards, and I'm really enjoying it. I also want to get into making my own jewelry, and learn calligraphy. I've never really done crafts before, so it's all new to me, but I'm finding it's super fun creating things. It just feels nice to learn a tangible skill after college and the academic world. It's nice too, because I get a lot of free stuff from the store that is slightly damaged that they can't sell anymore. So it's not so expensive to make things! :)

I've been totally neglecting my Etsy shop these past months because our internet was so unreliable. But I found out today that someone bought two things yesterday, so that was happy-making. I may get into it again now that we have the super-amazing internet!

Paul and I rented a good movie last night--October Sky. It's a true story about a kid in the 50's from a coal mining town, who decides to rise above everyone's expectations and build a rocket. It's a great, clean, and inspiring movie. I was left thinking how it seems like all the cool stuff happened in the 50's & 60's. The only new inventions we got since then are computers and the internet. It makes me wonder what someone's brain will create in the future. Or are we pretty much at a holding point now? I gotta admit though, it's pretty sweet how God made our brains to be able to come up with inventions--inventions that will get a person on the moon! Nowadays, no one really cares about other planets much, but it's pretty awesome when you think about it! Some dude was walking around on the moon! It's so exciting, and I can't wait to see what will happen in the future when we live our God-given potentials...

decisions...

...or more positively put--choices. Paul has been accepted at George Fox, Fuller Theological Seminary, and Rosemead. They all have their strengths:

George Fox: We love the area. We felt the most welcome there. But it's only a PsyD, not PhD.

Fuller: Very culturally diverse, strong integration emphasis, and you get an MA in Theology as well as the Clinical Psych Doctorate.

Rosemead: Most "prestigious." One less year than Fuller. Better chances of getting assistantships early.

We've pretty much narrowed it down to Fuller and Rosemead, and we're leaning more towards Fuller. Rosemead is supposed to be a little more conservative, and we've heard, "hostile" to the spiritual gifts. Fuller has people of more diverse spiritual backgrounds, and focuses more on letting you develop your beliefs.

So we are definitely leaning towards Fuller, and the official decision is going to be made soon--since we have to let all the schools know by the 15th.

We've struggled a lot just to make the decision that we are leaning towards Fuller (if you can call that a decision). I guess it's just hard when we're talking about the next five to six years of our lives, not to mention life after school. We just want to be doing God's will. Before we heard back from the school, we prayed that God would just not have Paul get accepted where he didn't want him to be. That worked for one school. Paul applied at Seattle Pacific University, which was our first choice, since we could be close to his brothers and both our families. But they didn't even want an interview, so at least God made it clear for that one.

But now we still have three choices, and I'm trying not to think that two of them could be the "wrong" choice. They are all good schools.

It's just hard being in limbo--not knowing. But that will be over for sure in about two weeks, if not sooner! I just want God to give us an obvious sign! But that would be too easy.

After we got done with that day at Fuller the other week, I just really felt that Fuller was a place we could grow. George Fox felt very comfortable and nice, but I feel like if we went there, it would be like ending a life, instead of starting a new one. At Fuller, I felt like we would both grow and mature. It would be a place we could develop in a lot of different ways.

I never saw Rosemead's campus, but when Paul went down for the interview, he said he didn't feel as good about it as the other schools. But even so, it's so hard to turn down ROSEMEAD. It's supposed to be the best.

Anyway, I feel like I'm on a teeter-totter. God, make sure we make the right decision!

the world and my observations

I've always felt uncomfortable writing non-fiction, because whenever I've tried in the past, I can't help thinking that I'm putting my life up for sale. Especially when it involves other people--which it always does. I don't have any right to tell their story to the world, and call it non-fiction and get any credit for it...it's theirs, and I don't feel right taking it. This is something I've struggled with, and the reason I avoided the Creative Non-Fiction class in college. To me, it's a privacy issue.

It just kinda stinks though, because real life has such great material for stories. But I just don't think I could write them and call it non-fiction unless I got everyone's permission (which I don't know if I'd even have the nerve to ask).

~

I got a job at a craft store. It's minimum wage, which I try not to think about, but minimum wage is $8.55 in Washington, so at least it's better than some minimum wages. Anyways, I can live with it for the next few months until we move, and I actually am liking the job most of the time. I work in the scrapbooking section of the store, helping customers, and making displays. Making displays is great because you get to use their products for free, and then take home whatever you make once it's done being a display.

It's interesting being in the customer service world again. I guess I'm just fascinated by the different classes of people, and how they interact. We get all different kinds of people at the craft store--although they're mostly women. Some people come in "acting all high class" (as one of the girls says) and act like they deserve special treatment, and at the same time disgusted to be talking to you. Or they talk down to you like you're a kid. Most people are very nice and appreciative though. I have noticed though, how customers treat certain employees certain ways based on the way they look or dress. It's been happening a lot, when there is a group of three employees together and someone asks a question, they'll only look at me the whole time, even though the others are right there listening--like I'm the only one who'd know, even though I'm the newest person. It kinda pisses me off.

It's kinda nice being away from Taylor. I just feel like everyone at Taylor is from the same socio-economic class. Everyone has straight white smiles. The world is so segregated into classes--it seems just like India and the caste system. Okay maybe not that bad.

I love being at our church again. I never did find a church at Taylor that fit as well as our church here. It's a Calvary Chapel church, and I just love it. It's so real. I don't know if was just the Upland area or the Midwest bible belt or what, but everything felt so christianized that we didn't have any real people anymore. I love our church because we do have people from all different classes, and maybe a majority from the lower classes. And it's just beautiful because before it seemed like everyone who was a Christian was relatively well off, or middle class. And it started to feel like that stupid Blindside movie, where becoming a Christian only meant living in a nice house and getting a college degree. !!!!!!! It makes me mad. And yeah, the Blindside movie is probably better than all the other movies in the theater, but it was supposed to be based on a true story. And I don't know the real story, but where did they say Jesus, and where did anyone confess their sins, and where was anything "Christian" in that movie except for the suburban "Christian" that is all that seems to be left nowadays?

I feel like my heart is beginning to heal, and see the real Jesus at my church. It brings tears to my eyes now. We don't have everyone getting dressed up for a fashion show like at IWU. We don't have beautiful worship leaders. We have people with rotting teeth praising Jesus and praying with their pure souls in love for people. And I love our church too, because they know that you don't need a seminary to teach the Gospel. You need the Holy Spirit, you need the gifting, and you need the Word--and the Word only. "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the WORD OF GOD." How do you think people are going to have faith in God, when all you're feeding them are these Christian jokes, and metaphors for comic relief? Every person I know that didn't go to chapel (including me for the last two years, for the most part) didn't go because half the time (usually more) the speakers were ding-dongs that I had no respect for, because they didn't even open the Bible for more than 30 seconds. They send these people in with these high and mighty credentials (spending our money to bring them, mind you) and they don't even lead us toward Christ! I often felt worse spiritually after attending a chapel service, because it was like they were cheapening God.

...but what will complaining do? Nothing, so I will leave it at that.