fun day

I hung out with Rachel most of today, and we went shopping and found this most amazing antique store, with a ton of beautiful old books!

I found a precious old book from 1909 called "Widow's Wisdom," which is full of cute little "proverbs" about life and accompanied by quirky illustrations. I'll share some of my favorites so far:

~ "Don't take anything too seriously; not life nor love nor even yourself. As long as you can laugh, you control the situation; when you can no longer do that, some one else is laughing."

~ "There would be few marriages declared failures if both men and women would make half the effort to appear attractive, clever and amiable after marriage that they did before."

~ Place most confidence in the lover who has most difficulty in telling his love."

~ "Men who think women are angels do not know them well; but men who think them devils, do not know them at all."

~ "Virtue comes very easily to those who possess no other attractions."

~ "Don't imagine that marriage is the aim and end of existence. It is only the beginning -- too many women begin to corrode with rust when the honeymoon is over."

That's all for now. :) Enjoy! And goodnight.

feeling aimless

I'm feeling a bit aimless. I feel like I'm standing in one place and turning around in circles while staring out at nothing but white space. That sounds depressing. I don't really feel depressed though, just aimless.

I'm thinking about the move down to Pasadena and jobs down there. I search for jobs and I don't even know what I'm looking for. I still have no clue what I want to do with my life! Or what I should do with my life. So, whatever. It's not like my job "is" my life, but darn it, it takes up a good majority of it! So I'm anxious about work in the LA area, and what I'm going to end up with. And it's kind of scary to be the "bread-winner."

I keep sighing like a deflating balloon. I hate frickin' money. It's like--what the crap--we're supposed to do something meaningful with our lives, while still making a living. How are we supposed to balance that? What comes first--doing something meaningful, or making a living? I feel like most of the time, it's making a living. I've been reading this old book we've had laying around called "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow." So far, I like it. It makes me feel like there is hope in having a fun/happy/meaningful/awesome/exciting/stimulating/fulfilling/rewarding/personality-fitting job. And I hope that hope isn't just a marking scheme to sell the frickin' book! Even if it is, I got it free, so there! :P

we got internet!

Haha, we finally got our own internet today. It's a Mifi, so we can have it anywhere there is cell reception. It's sweet!

Well, if you don't already know, we decided to go to Fuller! I have a peace about it. I've been thinking about doing the Marriage & Family MA program there, and I'm pretty sure I'll start that next year. I think I need a year off of school, and I think I'll be more ready for the program after a year. But it's in God's hands.

I'm still working at the craft store, which is sometimes good, sometimes not. There is a lot of what seems like high school-ish drama that just gets tiring after a while. I am thinking about working at Prey's Fruit Barn again once they open again in June--especially if they can give me Sundays off. Craft Warehouse gave me Sunday mornings off last week, so now I can at least go to church, but it would be nice to have one whole day off with Paul.

On the up side, I'm really getting into crafts! I've been making a lot of handmade cards, and I'm really enjoying it. I also want to get into making my own jewelry, and learn calligraphy. I've never really done crafts before, so it's all new to me, but I'm finding it's super fun creating things. It just feels nice to learn a tangible skill after college and the academic world. It's nice too, because I get a lot of free stuff from the store that is slightly damaged that they can't sell anymore. So it's not so expensive to make things! :)

I've been totally neglecting my Etsy shop these past months because our internet was so unreliable. But I found out today that someone bought two things yesterday, so that was happy-making. I may get into it again now that we have the super-amazing internet!

Paul and I rented a good movie last night--October Sky. It's a true story about a kid in the 50's from a coal mining town, who decides to rise above everyone's expectations and build a rocket. It's a great, clean, and inspiring movie. I was left thinking how it seems like all the cool stuff happened in the 50's & 60's. The only new inventions we got since then are computers and the internet. It makes me wonder what someone's brain will create in the future. Or are we pretty much at a holding point now? I gotta admit though, it's pretty sweet how God made our brains to be able to come up with inventions--inventions that will get a person on the moon! Nowadays, no one really cares about other planets much, but it's pretty awesome when you think about it! Some dude was walking around on the moon! It's so exciting, and I can't wait to see what will happen in the future when we live our God-given potentials...

decisions...

...or more positively put--choices. Paul has been accepted at George Fox, Fuller Theological Seminary, and Rosemead. They all have their strengths:

George Fox: We love the area. We felt the most welcome there. But it's only a PsyD, not PhD.

Fuller: Very culturally diverse, strong integration emphasis, and you get an MA in Theology as well as the Clinical Psych Doctorate.

Rosemead: Most "prestigious." One less year than Fuller. Better chances of getting assistantships early.

We've pretty much narrowed it down to Fuller and Rosemead, and we're leaning more towards Fuller. Rosemead is supposed to be a little more conservative, and we've heard, "hostile" to the spiritual gifts. Fuller has people of more diverse spiritual backgrounds, and focuses more on letting you develop your beliefs.

So we are definitely leaning towards Fuller, and the official decision is going to be made soon--since we have to let all the schools know by the 15th.

We've struggled a lot just to make the decision that we are leaning towards Fuller (if you can call that a decision). I guess it's just hard when we're talking about the next five to six years of our lives, not to mention life after school. We just want to be doing God's will. Before we heard back from the school, we prayed that God would just not have Paul get accepted where he didn't want him to be. That worked for one school. Paul applied at Seattle Pacific University, which was our first choice, since we could be close to his brothers and both our families. But they didn't even want an interview, so at least God made it clear for that one.

But now we still have three choices, and I'm trying not to think that two of them could be the "wrong" choice. They are all good schools.

It's just hard being in limbo--not knowing. But that will be over for sure in about two weeks, if not sooner! I just want God to give us an obvious sign! But that would be too easy.

After we got done with that day at Fuller the other week, I just really felt that Fuller was a place we could grow. George Fox felt very comfortable and nice, but I feel like if we went there, it would be like ending a life, instead of starting a new one. At Fuller, I felt like we would both grow and mature. It would be a place we could develop in a lot of different ways.

I never saw Rosemead's campus, but when Paul went down for the interview, he said he didn't feel as good about it as the other schools. But even so, it's so hard to turn down ROSEMEAD. It's supposed to be the best.

Anyway, I feel like I'm on a teeter-totter. God, make sure we make the right decision!

the world and my observations

I've always felt uncomfortable writing non-fiction, because whenever I've tried in the past, I can't help thinking that I'm putting my life up for sale. Especially when it involves other people--which it always does. I don't have any right to tell their story to the world, and call it non-fiction and get any credit for it...it's theirs, and I don't feel right taking it. This is something I've struggled with, and the reason I avoided the Creative Non-Fiction class in college. To me, it's a privacy issue.

It just kinda stinks though, because real life has such great material for stories. But I just don't think I could write them and call it non-fiction unless I got everyone's permission (which I don't know if I'd even have the nerve to ask).

~

I got a job at a craft store. It's minimum wage, which I try not to think about, but minimum wage is $8.55 in Washington, so at least it's better than some minimum wages. Anyways, I can live with it for the next few months until we move, and I actually am liking the job most of the time. I work in the scrapbooking section of the store, helping customers, and making displays. Making displays is great because you get to use their products for free, and then take home whatever you make once it's done being a display.

It's interesting being in the customer service world again. I guess I'm just fascinated by the different classes of people, and how they interact. We get all different kinds of people at the craft store--although they're mostly women. Some people come in "acting all high class" (as one of the girls says) and act like they deserve special treatment, and at the same time disgusted to be talking to you. Or they talk down to you like you're a kid. Most people are very nice and appreciative though. I have noticed though, how customers treat certain employees certain ways based on the way they look or dress. It's been happening a lot, when there is a group of three employees together and someone asks a question, they'll only look at me the whole time, even though the others are right there listening--like I'm the only one who'd know, even though I'm the newest person. It kinda pisses me off.

It's kinda nice being away from Taylor. I just feel like everyone at Taylor is from the same socio-economic class. Everyone has straight white smiles. The world is so segregated into classes--it seems just like India and the caste system. Okay maybe not that bad.

I love being at our church again. I never did find a church at Taylor that fit as well as our church here. It's a Calvary Chapel church, and I just love it. It's so real. I don't know if was just the Upland area or the Midwest bible belt or what, but everything felt so christianized that we didn't have any real people anymore. I love our church because we do have people from all different classes, and maybe a majority from the lower classes. And it's just beautiful because before it seemed like everyone who was a Christian was relatively well off, or middle class. And it started to feel like that stupid Blindside movie, where becoming a Christian only meant living in a nice house and getting a college degree. !!!!!!! It makes me mad. And yeah, the Blindside movie is probably better than all the other movies in the theater, but it was supposed to be based on a true story. And I don't know the real story, but where did they say Jesus, and where did anyone confess their sins, and where was anything "Christian" in that movie except for the suburban "Christian" that is all that seems to be left nowadays?

I feel like my heart is beginning to heal, and see the real Jesus at my church. It brings tears to my eyes now. We don't have everyone getting dressed up for a fashion show like at IWU. We don't have beautiful worship leaders. We have people with rotting teeth praising Jesus and praying with their pure souls in love for people. And I love our church too, because they know that you don't need a seminary to teach the Gospel. You need the Holy Spirit, you need the gifting, and you need the Word--and the Word only. "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the WORD OF GOD." How do you think people are going to have faith in God, when all you're feeding them are these Christian jokes, and metaphors for comic relief? Every person I know that didn't go to chapel (including me for the last two years, for the most part) didn't go because half the time (usually more) the speakers were ding-dongs that I had no respect for, because they didn't even open the Bible for more than 30 seconds. They send these people in with these high and mighty credentials (spending our money to bring them, mind you) and they don't even lead us toward Christ! I often felt worse spiritually after attending a chapel service, because it was like they were cheapening God.

...but what will complaining do? Nothing, so I will leave it at that.

thinking

There's not much new, but I feel like posting anyway.

I went to a baby shower after church today, and I got to talking to someone about birth control. I'm on the pill, and she told me I need to be careful about getting enough zinc, especially when I go off the pill. She said zinc is really important in the early stages of making a baby, and so some women who get pregnant right when they go off the pill sometimes have miscarriages. I hadn't heard that before, so it kind of got me freaked out. I got home and researched it more, and found this interesting site. It basically says the pill depletes like a million of your nutrients, which isn't too surprising, but it really motivated me, and I went and took like 7 vitamin pills afterwards. I drank some MonaVie too, which is this health drink we have. I think I just need to be more aware of my health while on the pill, and start taking a multi-vitamin. On the website, it said it's especially important for vegetarians and vegans to take a zinc supplement, both women and men.

The other thing I've been thinking a lot about today is teaching. I've always said I don't want to be a teacher, but lately I've been considering. I just have no clue if I'd be any good at it, or if I'd like it at all...I just don't know. But I feel better at least thinking about it, and not closing that door to God. I've mostly been considering being a 6th grade language arts teacher. I can see it being fun, but I have no clue how it would actually be. Basically, I'm still pretty against it at this point, but I am opening the door to God if he is leading me there.

OH! I forgot to tell you about George Fox! Paul and I went down to Newberg, Oregon this weekend, and Paul had his interview at George Fox. It was a really great day. We got to meet all the other 18 interviewee's, and all the professors. Paul felt really good about his interview--better than both Fuller and Rosemead. It seems like a really great program, and a really great community. I think George Fox is my preference, for sure. I really like the town of Newberg too, and it's only 25 minutes from Portland--where there are publishing companies! There are quite a few publishing companies in Portland, and it would be totally sweet to get to work for one. It might not work out, but I'm definitely going to shoot for it. Paul will hear if he got accepted at George Fox in two weeks, and the others will tell him by April 1st. I can't wait to see what happens.

back in washington

I'm mooching off the neighbor's internet right now. :) I've been doing a lot of internet mooching lately, mostly at a coffee shop a couple blocks away called The Coffee Cabin. We don't have internet at our place yet, since we are trying to keep our bills down a little bit until I get a job. Sometimes it works to get on to the neighbor's internet at home, but only rarely (like right now!). So, I've been going to the Coffee Cabin a lot, and doing my job searches...applying everywhere I can. Hopefully it will pay off soon! Paul is working with my dad in his insurance business in Leavenworth, and they are enjoying working together a lot.

We are living in a duplex, which is actually a four-plex, in Wenatchee, WA--which is about a half hour from where our parents live, in Leavenworth. Our next door neighbor's name is Terry and he goes to our church, Calvary Chapel. Then there are two people that live on the lower level. One is a traveling nurse who is only here once in a while, and the other I haven't met yet. We got a whole bunch of furniture for free, mostly from Paul's parents, that they just have had in storage, so it already feels like home!

I guess I should tell you what happened on the drive here. Everything was going great...we stayed with a friend in South Dakota, and then made it to Helena, Montana the next day with great weather. We stayed a full day in Helena with Paul's cousins and aunt, and that was really fun. Then, we left early in the morning the next day to drive home. We were about an hour and a half from Helena, and we hit a frozen dead deer. Paul was passing a semi-truck, and getting back to the lane, and by the time we saw it, it was too late (unless we wanted to risk getting in a wreck with a semi--no thank you). So we hit the dead deer, and then right after that our car started sounding really really bad. It was like there was a flat tire, and the engine was grinding up like the sound of a blender. And the car wouldn't run more than 5 mph. So we pulled over to the shoulder of the hwy. At this point, I thought it was just a flat tire. So we got out of the car, but everything looked perfectly fine. So we tried to drive it again, and at least make it to the next exit which was a mile away.

We tried to just coast down the hill, but it sounded like Paul was flooring it. I was afraid the car was going to explode, so we pulled over. (This is becoming a really long story--sorry!) We called a tow-truck from the town ahead--Drummond--and he towed us back to Helena. Now, I have to tell you about our tow truck man. He was a husky man that I didn't think would be very talkative, but I was very wrong. He told us all about all the accidents he'd seen on the highway, and all the people that "didn't walk away." He told us about his various jobs, since Drummond is such a small town. He is a tow trucker, a firefighter, a mechanic, and an EMT all at once. And he told us about this amazing soup he gets at the only resturant around...and he really loved this soup. It was a cream of broccoli, and he went on and on about how creamy it was, how he can never make anything like it at home, and about the lady from Pennsylvania that cooks it and loves to cook...and how he never orders anything else there except for this cream of broccoli soup!

Anyway, we were thoroughly entertained by him, and then we arrived in Helena, ended up renting a car the next day, and coming home. The car was later fixed (the only thing wrong with it was that something had been bent out of place), and Paul's aunt drove it here about a week ago, since her boyfriend lives around here. Anyway, that's what happened on our trip, if you were wondering.

It is nice to be back in Washington, and we are having wonderful weather right now. No snow, no coats--I only need a light sweater or sweatshirt, but today, even that was too hot! I hope it stays like this. I probably could say more, but this post is getting much too long, and I don't want to lose my internet connection before I finish this!

Love to all.

cute fun free indie artwork

Just found this cute site off of indiefixx.com called Feed Your Soul: the free art project. It's a site where you can download PDFs of indie artwork for free! They are doing it to promote artists in a bad economy, as well as make art available to us poor people for free! Pretty sweet idea. Anyway, here is the link to the art, and they add more art every month. Here are some of my favs so far:

creepy message girl

On my Etsy profile, it says that I'm a student at Taylor. Yesterday, I got the following creepy message, from some random girl:

"Oh, you have my sincerest sympathies for not knowing ANY BETTER than to spend any time at TAYLOR UNIVERSITY. It is undoubtedly the WORST school in the nation. It is so very unfortunate for you that you were relegated to their cult like atmosphere and brainwashing techniques.

PLEASE GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN and while you STILL HAVE HALF A MIND, PLEASE. It is in YOUR best interest to GET OUT NOW.

OH,and there is NO NEED to reply, as I have added you on my prayer list. I will do a prayer intervention to get your heart in the right place and get you OUT FROM UNDER THE SPELL OF TAYLOR UNIVERSITY......GOD HELP YOU if you don't get out and get out now."

Paul and I puzzled over this message. Cult-like atmosphere? Brainwashing? Maybe to a non-Christian...but then she says that she's going to do a "prayer intervention" for me. So maybe she's a super conservative Christian, and thinks Taylor is too liberal? I have no idea. I haven't messaged her back, and I don't think I want to.

Who do you think this person is????

Just got featured in a blog!

Hey, I just found out, my tea set on my Etsy shop has been featured in someone's blog!

Check it out here :D

almost done with college

A few days ago, I posted on my facebook something about almost being done with college, and after I posted, I had the sinking feeling that I might have spelled the word college wrong. I immediately typed it into Google, and was relieved to know that I did indeed spell it right. Whew! But seriously, I was worried. Almost graduating college without knowing how to spell it? That would be bad, not to mention embarrassing. But, my good old brain got it right. (Go it!). I don't know why it doubted itself.

Since Paul and I are so close to graduating, we are anticipating all the changes/challenges that are coming. Over Christmas break in Washington (we did get to go back, and it was great!), we found a duplex to rent in Wenatchee, and it's so nice to have that done and ready for us when we get back. We found it through a guy that goes to our church. We met with the Landlord, who is a really nice older guy, and we met our neighbor, Terry, who is really nice too. I just have a really good feeling about it, and I'm so excited to actually be able to use all the stuff we got from the wedding when we move in! Paul and I have really been bare-bones-ing it here--we have a total of three bowls, five plates, etc....it's been interesting!

But before we move in, we need to drive across the country to get there. I am SO excited for this. Paul, not so much, but I think it will be such a fun adventure! We got snow tires on the car yesterday, and it makes such a difference. I think the first challenge we are going to run into is seeing if we can get everything into our car. We don't want to put anything on top of it or drag anything behind it, since it will kill our gas mileage and be more difficult in the snow. So, we've been trying to get rid of stuff. It doesn't feel like we have that much, but I think we have more than will fit in our car. The big thing is selling our mattress, and then getting rid of our desk chairs and little Taylor dresser. Any takers? :)

The next step will be finding jobs once we get there, which is probably the biggest and most important challenge. I've been applying places that I can online, but it's really not as effective as in-person. Pray that God will provide good jobs for us!

Right now, we are focused on graduating. I'm a little surprised at the workload for English Capstone. We have 30+ pages of reading every day, and have to do annotations on 5 of the readings, plus lead group discussion, and meanwhile revise our papers, and prepare for our final presentations. Basically, I have tons to do this next week, since I am presenting next Monday. But after that, I'm pretty much home free. Also, I signed up for a Directed Research to finish up my Psych minor, so that will be more work, but hopefully I can handle it!

Oh, on the Senior Project...I got paired with Steve for peer review, and I was amazed to hear so many of his comments be the exact opposite of what my adviser's were! Like several major things that my adviser thought were bad, Steve thought were really good. So it was very encouraging, to say the least. Oh, and I'm a little bit put off that for the professor reviews at the end of the year, they don't do them for senior project advisers. I don't get it.

I think I learned a lot last semester that it's not my responsibility to please everyone. It is a good and freeing lesson to learn. I'm sure I'll have to relearn it throughout my life, but, like Paul always says, "that's life!"

10 sales on Etsy!

I've reached a milestone today, you guys. Today, I made my tenth sale on Etsy! It's a small milestone, yes, but still a milestone--dangit! My mom has been thinking about opening up an Etsy, because she makes jewelry at her job, and she could easily sell it online. She's still thinking about it, but I hope she does, because that would such a fun thing to do together!

We are thinking about flying home for Christmas. Paul's parents have some airmiles, and so we could get pretty cheap tickets if we wanted to. Still haven't decided yet. It would be fun, but it is kind of silly since we'll be back in WA about four weeks after Christmas anyway. We'll see. The way it works with the free air miles is that we would have to fly out from Chicago, so we'd have to take a bus, or get someone to let us park our car somewhere for break. So anyways, that may or may not happen!

Parnassus this year is coming along nicely, but I'm sad I won't be there for the release party in February. Oh well, they better mail me a copy though! I've been working on the layout along with the other girl, and it is very time consuming but fun. I realized I know nothing about Macs or InDesign. I'm learning a little though.

Raquel, I got your Christmas card in the mail today! So cute! I'm waiting to open it till Christmas though. :)

updates! thanksgiving...etsy...life

Jeez! I haven't posted for almost a month! I almost don't know where to start.

Well, to follow up with my last post, the senior project is done until January! I turned in my critical paper on Friday, and my revised second story on Monday. I haven't heard back about my critical paper yet, but if I don't need to revise that before January, I'm done! I am meeting with my advisor on Wednesday to go over things. We will see how that goes. But I am generally feeling much much better about the senior project.

Macy's has been going really well, too. It was really busy for a while because they were getting in all the stock for the Christmas season, but now it has lightened up a bit. Also, they are giving me a new job since there won't be many hours left on the Merchandising Team now. I'm going to be doing Recovery, which is basically just cleaning up after customers during the Christmas season. I'll be straightening things and refolding, and stuff like that. I'm really looking forward to it, because that means I don't have to be getting up at 3:30am anymore! YAY!

The other news update is that my brother, Caleb, came to visit us for Thanksgiving!!! It was so fun! He just decided to fly out on a whim and stayed with us for a week. He got to see a lot of his friends in Bergwall too, so that was cool for him. We were kind of at a loss on what to make for Thanksgiving since Paul and I are vegetarians. We decided on vegetarian chili! So we made the recipe for The Best Vegetarian Chili in the World, and we also had potatoes, corn on the cob, rolls, strawberry rhubarb pie, and brownies. It was great! On Thanksgiving, we also played TWELVE games of Settlers. I don't think I could have done that with anybody else and had as much fun. :)

You've probably noticed, if you've looked in the sidebar, that I started a vintage shop! A few weeks ago, I just got the idea in my head that I really wanted to start a boutique of some kind. I don't know if something got into me while working at Macy's and learning how to merchandise or what. I just couldn't get the idea out of my mind; I couldn't even sleep some nights!

I didn't think I'd be able to start it until we got back to Washington. There is an Antique Mall I was thinking of renting a booth at, but I found out the prices for it, and it was like $150 a month. That was a little to big of an investment for me. Then Valerie suggested Etsy! Etsy is an online place you can sell anything handmade, anything craft supplies, or anything vintage. It is $0.20 to list each item, and then they take 3.5% of your sales minus shipping. So I decided to make an Etsy shop. I named it Trillity and you can look at it here.

I didn't have any items to sell when I first started, so when I was driving home from work, I prayed God would show me a garage sale or something, if this is something I should even try to start. I didn't think there would be any since it was November, and cold. Sure enough, I found one sign for a rummage sale, and got three items for my shop! I sold one of the items within the week and it was so exciting, I think I screamed. I have sold a total of five things so far. It's so fun when people buy things! It makes me so happy just to know that someone wants it enough to buy it. I have so much fun with it.

I really enjoy writing the descriptions too. I would love to do that for a job someday. I would love to do Etsy for my full time job actually, but I'm no where near that point now, hehe. I just have so much fun going to thrift stores, rummage sales, and on Saturday we went to a flea market in Indy after we dropped Caleb off. It's just so fun to find these special items that are unappreciated, and rescue them and find better owners for them, lol. And make a little money in the process, of course! Hehe. I think the key to selling things is taking good pictures, so I've been trying hard to get better at that.

We put up our Christmas tree yesterday, and it looks so cute! It's about 2.5 feet tall. The ornaments look enormous on it, but it's still adorable. :D

We've been looking at places to live in Washington. My parents are going to check out a few places today after church for us, and send us some pictures.

Thanksgiving break was such a relaxing break for us. I wish it could be like this all the time! That would probably make me spoiled though. :P

life lately

Wow, it's been a busy time lately. Paul and I have both been pretty stressed out the last few weeks, but now, it finally seems to be letting up again for both of us. Paul's been balancing school work, grad school essays, and his senior research project...and I've been balancing my senior project, work, and classes. All the other semesters seem so easy compared to this one for some reason!

Anyway, things are letting up to a more reasonable level of stress, I think. Yesterday, we were able to have a really relaxing day for the first time in a long time! We started watching these Planet Earth videos, that we rented from the library...and I've gotta say, God's Creation is freakin' awesome, beautiful, and sometimes downright creepy!!! There were like six DVD's total, and we kind of got addicted to them. We've watched every episode now, except for "the future," which I'm not sure what that alludes to. Mars, maybe? We will see. I highly recommend the movie to you though! We couldn't stop saying, "OMG. WHOA! WHAT THE HECK?! WOW. or, WEIRD, NASTY, DISGUSTING!!!!

Right now, I'm in the library, stuck on one of my stories for my senior project. :( I have to have it done by Monday, and at least 10 pages long....right now I have about 2! I had a good day on it the other day, but now today, it's just not flowing. argh. I'm looking forward to just having this story done, because then I'll have all my rough drafts done, and I can just focus on editing. I wish I could get a clearer look at my stories though. I'm really disappointed in my experience with my advisor. It's just very sad. It just feel like he's not a real reader when I get his comments. He doesn't tell me what he likes or dislikes about anything...all his comments are so objective, I can't even tell what he means by them. I don't know what it is. I don't remember having this experience with him when I had Poetry class with him. So, I guess I'm just confused. Has he changed, or have I changed...why is it different? It's really terrible, because I find myself getting really discouraged when I write, because I think about what my advisor will think....(even though he doesn't really tell me directly, it seems)...so it's very unmotivating because I have doubts that he will like anything I write. I was so doubtful, I had to email him asking him how he thinks I'm doing in the class...for fear he was going to fail me. He said I'm doing fine....but even that, I'm not sure what he means. Am I doing fine, like I don't need to worry, or am I doing fine, like I'm not doing great, but I'll probably pass. I don't know why I find him so confusing. And it's weird because I've never really had a fear of failing a class before, and this is like the most important one! I haven't said this before, but we stopped meeting in person, and are just going to do email sessions now...the reason being, I broke down balling in his office last time we met! I was so embarrassed to be crying there, because I've never in my life cried in front of a teacher before...but I couldn't stop, even though I wanted to so bad. I guess I just couldn't hold it in anymore. So then, he suggested we just do email sessions. I just wanted to get out there ASAP, so I agreed. But I'm glad we did it, so I don't have to see him as much anymore. I guess the thing that just really gets to me about him is that he seems to take his viewpoint as the ultimate authority. He told me at our first meeting that I am the author and to make decisions myself, but I don't think he actually believes what he says. Sometimes he would say things about my story, and I would disagree, and he would just get more and more offensive, no matter how much I tried to defend my stance. It's very irritating, and also very discouraging, because now I feel like I will only graduate Taylor if I write my senior project to please my advisor, to his standards. I would be totally happy and free, if I could just write it on my own and not have to worry about him, but to know that he's the one basically handing me my diploma, I'm afraid if I don't obey his every word, he won't be obliged to pass me. It's very trapping, mentally and creatively. I feel like he is looming over me, when I try to write. I think this has lessened a lot, now that we are not meeting face-to-face, but it's still there. I don't feel like I can talk to him about it, because even when I was balling in his office, he hardly did anything more than try to offer me a tissue (which he didn't have).

It feels good to vent these things, but I know I can't dwell on them too much. Ultimately, I will graduate, even if he tries to fail me--I know I can fight it. I've earned A's in all my writing classes--that would look too weird for me to fail. This is just a trial I've got to face, and get through. It's not fun, but I guess that means it's good for me. :)

play a game and give people water!

airband, macy's, and mawidge

Valerie and I had our airband tryout tonight. I'm not sure what to think of how it went. Everyone else seemed really happy about it, but I feel kind of neutral about it. The judges didn't really seem to go WILD about it when we finished, so I think it will be a close call. I think we do have an advantage against the other Jai Ho (We are doing Jai Ho, the song at the end of Slum Dog Millionaire) team, but I'm more nervous that neither of us will get in. I'm not sure how many people have tried out either...I just hope we get in! It would be so special!!! We should find out in about two hours, so I'm excited and nervous for it. I want to know, but I'm scared to know! Anyway, it has been really fun this year doing airband, and there has been much less (or zero) drama compared to other years I've participated, so that's a major bonus.

In other news, I started my first "real" day at Macy's today! The past two days have just been watching DVD's, and going through computer CD's about Macy's, so it was fun to actually work. It's nice to work, even if it is just a simple task, and feel useful! I started at 7 am (which means I got up 5:30 am) and worked til noon. Basically, they had me tearing down displays and setting them up in other areas of the store and in different ways. I worked in the accessories department, so I was setting up displays of ear muffs, tons of scarves, umbrellas, hats, gloves, etc. Most of this I was doing while the store hadn't even opened yet, so it was nice to just be able to talk to my coworkers. It wasn't stressful, and I really enjoyed it! So far, things are looking up!

In other, other news, today Paul and I have been married for exactly two months! So I thought I'd do a little reflection on marriage so far. "Mawidge...mawidge is what brings us together." Yes, I think the priest in Princess Bride is correct. Marriage does bring us together. We're together almost all the time, when we wake up, through part of the day, the evenings, during meals, and then yes, we sleep together. We're married. Even if we aren't together for most of a day, we are together because we always talk about our day, so it's like we were together even though we weren't! I'm so glad I married a man I never get sick of! Yes, there are some rare times when I can get annoyed with him, but sick of? That doesn't happen, and I'm gonna try for it to stay that way!

The other thing I wanted to say about marriage is just how wonderful it is to have that one person that knows you so well, and is always there, supporting you, and encouraging you through things--there through the fun times and the sad times...through all my emotions! Just being loved unconditionally, for who you really are--successes and failings. Everything. There is just an immense freedom, knowing you can be a complete dork, say whatever you feel, completely and truely just BE YOURSELF, without thinking about any expectations or what others think. In a way, it's safety. There's no shame.

I think one of the most important things in marriage is mutual respect. It's respect that makes you consider the other person before you do something. It's respect that makes you apologize. Respect brings you to help the other person. Respect, I think is even what motivates interest in the other person. It's not like the other person has to do something amazing to get respect, but I think respect should first just generally be given because we are human beings. We have feelings, we have minds, we have dreams. I think just respecting each other in their own uniqueness--the way they think, they way they communicate, the heart they have--respecting everything about them...it brings so much goodness into marriage!

So, those are some of my reflections on marriage so far. I love Paul so much! We are on a journey...

struggling

Feeling totally stressed, and stuck with my senior project. I'm blocked, and everything I manage to write I hate. It's very depressing and frustrating and generally horrible. I just feel so much pressure, and feel like I'm already failing. It's all so terrible. It's torture looking ahead to my meetings with Satterlee, because I'm too sensitive to my work, because I already hate it. And I don't know how to produce something that I'll like. I have to just wait for it to come...that's what I always do, but I think I'm pushing for it too much. It's just this terrible internal struggle. And I'm just scared that nothing's going to change, and what am I going to do? It's just so crappy. I don't know how to turn my mind off when I'm trying to write. It's messing everything up, and it all just sucks.

I started rereading this book that I love today. It's called "From Where You Dream," and I never reread books so this is a big deal. I think it's helping me. It understands my problems! Basically, I can't get into my unconscious because I keep thinking about all the pressure, so I can't turn off my critiquing self. So it prevents me from making anything "organic." I keep turning to literal memories, which limits my creativity, and keeps me from getting in the "zone." Anyway, I understand my problem, but I'm just not sure how to get myself to stop doing this to myself. I just don't know what to do. Also, it's very unmotivating to write when you feel like everything you write is crap. I mean, I guess the first draft isn't supposed to be an amazing piece of literature, but I can't stand just a mediocre response--it feels like a failure to me. Paul says I'm putting too much pressure on myself. But I have to have some sort of standards...I don't think I can help it. I have to at least satisfy myself. I just feel so down. :(

GRE's

Paul took the GRE's today, and I'm so proud of him!!! He got a 1290 (out of 1600)!!! He got well above the minimum requirement for all the grad schools he wanted to apply to. I'm so proud of him! :D

He sent his scores to Seattle Pacific, George Fox, Rosemead, & Azusa Pacific. So now the rest of the application process to go!

The Singing Microwave and His Lover, The Wailing Elephant (Part 1)

[This is how I destress from the pressure of actually writing something serious for my senior project.]

Yes, it may be hard to believe. A microwave falling in love with an elephant. A relationship destined for trouble, perhaps? Particular trouble, perhaps? Don't tell the microwave that—you'll break his heart! Just listen to the story, and believe that love is stronger, no matter the circumstances.

It all started in Burger Land, at the We Love Animals Zoo. Sammy, the zookeeper, was whistling his favorite tune as he shoveled elephant dung into a wheelbarrow, all the while thinking of his small baby at home whose bodily wastes are quite—well! He didn't even have a chance to finish that thought because a quite atrocious noise entered his ears. An elephant was throwing her tusk into the air and making the saddest, loudest, most peculiar noise an elephant could make. The sound reminded Sammy of the sound his baby makes when he wants his mommy and milk. Except worse. Way worse. Like perhaps the sound of his baby turning into a demon child who demands milk like a miniature Hitler. Except sad. And mournful.

Anyway, it is hard to describe. We will call it a wail. The Wailing Elephant continued to wail and wail and wail. Was this a tantrum, for more food? Was the Wailing Elephant depressed? Or did she just like the sound of her own noises? The zookeepers were quite confused. They tried giving her more food. She wailed. They tried special treats. Just wailing. She continued in her wailing for what seemed like a decade. By now there was an enormous crowd watching the Wailing Elephant. No one could figure it out. Well, the zookeepers just gave up, and went to their break room. They had tried everything. Finally, the Wailing Elephant ceases her wailing, and took a drink of water.

In the break room, the zookeepers sighed with relief that the terrible noise had finally stopped. Sammy was hungry and decided to put some Mac N Cheese in the microwave, for lunch. The microwave seemed dead. No lights no nothing. Stunned, you could say. You see, this microwave heard the Wailing Elephant's music. And that's exactly what it was to him. The most beautiful music he'd ever heard. He was dumbstruck from the lovely song the Wailing Elephant sang. Downright speechless. Yes, you could say the microwave fell in love at first hearing. He had never laid eyes on the Wailing Elephant. Didn't even know what an elephant looked like, in fact. He had entered the zoo in a box, remember now. But he didn't care. He was so deep in love, that not even the CEO of General Electric could have pulled him out of it. He knew he had to meet his love. This was the microwave's firmest conviction.

Once he had settled this in his mind, all this lights flickered on, and the letters L-O-V-E scrolled across his screen. Sammy blinked his eyes a few times, thinking he must be seeing things! Then he stuck his Mac N Cheese to get heated up. Remember now, that the microwave's firmest conviction now is to find his love, and win her. He turns on, and the Mac N Cheese spins. The microwave gets an idea. He pushes some of the wheels on the plate a little off the track as it spins. The result: a squeaking, moaning, horrifying noise. He twists the wheels more, and the noise is now almost equivalent to the wailing of the Wailing Elephant. “Perhaps, the Wailing Elephant will hear the Singing Microwave calling to her. Perhaps she will know that I love her,” thought the Singing Microwave.

The Wailing Elephant heard his cry, and curvaciously raised her trunk answer him.

“What is going on here!” The boss flew into the break room. “The microwave is singing, and the elephant is wailing!”

The noises were quite horrendous to all the zookeepers, and as a result, they were becoming quite irritable. Sammy stopped the microwave and decided to just eat his Mac N Cheese half cold.

Our humble home :)

Our bed, with the beautiful quilt that our friends made for us!

Bathroom!

Kitchen/Hallway/Pantry

Pantry/Extra Shelves

Kitchen Area

Dinner Table!

Part of Living Room

Couch!

Here are your requested pics, Ivory! <3>