Monday, April 13, 2009
Meet your Meat
I know this video is really hard to watch, but it will change your life. Paul and I rented this in the DVD version from the library over break...it was like 15 minutes long. I'm glad it wasn't any longer. I've never considered myself a full vegetarian, but now I'm finding myself unable to eat meat even if I tried. It's just so sad. I'm not even a real animal lover. But these animals are God's creation. God created them even before he created humans. And he has placed them under our stewardship. I'm not saying it is wrong to eat meat. But I do believe it is wrong to mistreat animals as this video displays. Even if they are going to be killed for meat, they shouldn't be tortured until their death.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
can't sleep
I can't sleep. Mong mong mong...that's the sound of my brain's feelings. It's not even that late. Last week I was staying up until 2:30am because I wasn't tired. Now I am tired, but can't sleep. It's weird how you can control most things about yourself, and your body, but you can't always make yourself fall asleep. It's Pandora time now. Maybe I can lull myself to sleep. Sigh. Music is good.
I haven't written for a long time. How sad. I miss being in a writing class. Freelance isn't really a writting class to me. We don't always get to write what we want to. Articles feel stifling to me sometimes. It's not as free. Plus, I believe my work is not as quality in this class. I know my work is completely my responsibility, but it's tempting in this class to turn in work that isn't my best just because we're not really being graded on quality. (We're graded on revision process and having a market.) The grade will be virtually the same no matter the quality. So I get lazy. Not good! I don't like to see my writing and know it's not my best. It's time I write for myself though, not who's reading it. It is easier to write well under pressure, I think. I need to learn to pressure myself.
I haven't written for a long time. How sad. I miss being in a writing class. Freelance isn't really a writting class to me. We don't always get to write what we want to. Articles feel stifling to me sometimes. It's not as free. Plus, I believe my work is not as quality in this class. I know my work is completely my responsibility, but it's tempting in this class to turn in work that isn't my best just because we're not really being graded on quality. (We're graded on revision process and having a market.) The grade will be virtually the same no matter the quality. So I get lazy. Not good! I don't like to see my writing and know it's not my best. It's time I write for myself though, not who's reading it. It is easier to write well under pressure, I think. I need to learn to pressure myself.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
questions about pain
I just saw something very sad. :( I was walking out of Christian Marriage class today and there were two girls in front of me talking about a boy that one of them liked. Girl A was talking about her plans with Boy and Girl B was asking questions with excitement. Then I noticed Girl B was walking funny. She was limping. I looked down at her feet, watching to make sure I wasn't imagining it. Then I noticed the back of her heel was all bloody. Her white flats were scraping against her heel as she walked--the result: a bright red open scab all the way up her left heel, and the beginnings of more broken bloody skin on her right. :( All the while, Girl B talked like she wasn't in pain at all, and Girl A chattered on about Boy without noticing her friend's obvious limp.
Why didn't the Girl B take her shoes off once they were outside? Why didn't she tell Girl A of her pain, so she could slow down? Why didn't Girl A not notice anything wrong?
Did Girl B do the right thing by not saying anything? Was she being a selfless servant by not thinking of herself, and listening to Girl A? I'm thinking of this as a metaphor...if you are having a problem or pain in your life, should you not tell people about it? Just ignore it, so you can give yourself to others, focus all your attention to others? Or is it wrong not to tell people about your pain? Is it deceitful to hide your pain from others?
Why didn't the Girl B take her shoes off once they were outside? Why didn't she tell Girl A of her pain, so she could slow down? Why didn't Girl A not notice anything wrong?
Did Girl B do the right thing by not saying anything? Was she being a selfless servant by not thinking of herself, and listening to Girl A? I'm thinking of this as a metaphor...if you are having a problem or pain in your life, should you not tell people about it? Just ignore it, so you can give yourself to others, focus all your attention to others? Or is it wrong not to tell people about your pain? Is it deceitful to hide your pain from others?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
well, computer problems suck
Yes. They really do. Just in case you were wondering. I don't know if there is a tornado going on right now, or what. I heard a siren a little while ago, but I figured it was an ambulance. My roommate said that was a tornado alert though. I wondered why I didn't know what a tornado alert sounded like... am I supposed to know these things? We don't have tornadoes where I come from! Just earthquakes. But whatever.
Back to the subject. Computer problems suck. My computer died about a week or so ago. Actually, it still works perfect; I just can't use it because the screen is black. If I shine a lamp on it, I can see that everything is working fine. I just called Dell, and they said my warranty is used up. So I don't know what to do without paying a bunch of money. I work with some people in the I.T. Dept. at Taylor, and one of the guys there has been helping me, so hopefully he can get me hooked up with someone that will fix it for cheap.
In the meantime, I've been using Paul's computer. He's actually been trying to get rid of his computer for months. He had been leaving it in his closet most of the time, and was thrilled that I was "taking it for him." He says he gets distracted with having a computer, and wastes time on it playing games or whatever, instead of hanging out with people. So it's been a great trade! A computer, for the absence of a computer.
But now I was just having internet connection problems with this computer. It's probably because of the storm/tornado that is happening. I restarted it like five times, lol, and now it seems to be working. I could never be a computer repair person. Computers don't make sense. Sure, they're machines and they should work according to their programming, but sometimes they can be so random! It's like this broken stereo at my parents house--sometimes if you kick the speakers a certain way, it starts working!
Speaking of randomness, I want to tell you about this wonderful simile I read in Silence in October today. I will give it to you in the context of the paragraph:
"I found her building and rang the buzzer. A long time passed and I was about to go look for a telephone when she stuck her head out of a window on the third floor. She hadn't expected me so early. Her long hair hung down around her face like an abbreviated, golden brown waterfall as she smiled, told me to let myself in, and threw the key down to the sidewalk."
Her long hair down...like an abbreviated, golden brown waterfall. Delight! I was in the Well when I read this, on a bicycle machine. I just looked up from the book and gazed off like I was in love. And I am in love. Sigh. What a purely wonderful image. Now, don't any of you tell me you've heard of hair described as an abbreviated golden brown waterfall and burst my bubble! :)
Back to the subject. Computer problems suck. My computer died about a week or so ago. Actually, it still works perfect; I just can't use it because the screen is black. If I shine a lamp on it, I can see that everything is working fine. I just called Dell, and they said my warranty is used up. So I don't know what to do without paying a bunch of money. I work with some people in the I.T. Dept. at Taylor, and one of the guys there has been helping me, so hopefully he can get me hooked up with someone that will fix it for cheap.
In the meantime, I've been using Paul's computer. He's actually been trying to get rid of his computer for months. He had been leaving it in his closet most of the time, and was thrilled that I was "taking it for him." He says he gets distracted with having a computer, and wastes time on it playing games or whatever, instead of hanging out with people. So it's been a great trade! A computer, for the absence of a computer.
But now I was just having internet connection problems with this computer. It's probably because of the storm/tornado that is happening. I restarted it like five times, lol, and now it seems to be working. I could never be a computer repair person. Computers don't make sense. Sure, they're machines and they should work according to their programming, but sometimes they can be so random! It's like this broken stereo at my parents house--sometimes if you kick the speakers a certain way, it starts working!
Speaking of randomness, I want to tell you about this wonderful simile I read in Silence in October today. I will give it to you in the context of the paragraph:
"I found her building and rang the buzzer. A long time passed and I was about to go look for a telephone when she stuck her head out of a window on the third floor. She hadn't expected me so early. Her long hair hung down around her face like an abbreviated, golden brown waterfall as she smiled, told me to let myself in, and threw the key down to the sidewalk."
Her long hair down...like an abbreviated, golden brown waterfall. Delight! I was in the Well when I read this, on a bicycle machine. I just looked up from the book and gazed off like I was in love. And I am in love. Sigh. What a purely wonderful image. Now, don't any of you tell me you've heard of hair described as an abbreviated golden brown waterfall and burst my bubble! :)
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
openness and honesty
Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be open and honest. It started in Christian Marriage class I guess. Snyder was talking about how it's a research statistic that people who are open/honest/vulnerable/transparent or who "self-disclose" more are correspondingly liked more by others. And it even works the other way around. After you "self-disclose" to someone, you end up liking the person that you self-disclosed to more! Maybe it's not that profound of a statistic, but it's kept me thinking about it even days later...
Snyder also had us write down which we thought was more important in a marriage--openness or honesty. In class, I was really confused because I was having a hard time defining the difference. But I liked what other people said. Clearly, honesty is more important because what good is a bunch of information about a person if it's not the truth? For example, let's say you're dating someone and you're talking and being really "open" and telling them all sorts of things, and he/she is telling you all sorts of things. Then you come to find out once you're married (heaven forbid!) that all this time he/she has been lying to you! Pfhhhh, openness!!! Honesty is clearly more important.
But! Then someone else spoke up and said he thought openness was more important. He said he sees openness as containing honesty within it. I think I'm jumping more onto his train of thought now. Honesty is fine and dandy, but if you don't tell your spouse (boyfriend/friend/any person) things (aka, being open), and just wait for them to ask you, it might never happen! You can easily detour around the question while still being technically honest! So, if honesty is assumed in openness, then clearly, openness is the most important of the two.
It even parallels in God's relationship to us. He has been completely open and honest to us through his word. He does not even hide what will happen to us and the world in the future. He tells us how the world began. What a gift of openness!
All this thinking about openness and honesty has caused me to recognize it more clearly in my relationships. And it's so true! I am naturally drawn to people who seem to be more open and honest with themselves and with others. When other people open up, it's easier for you to open up, and the result is just an all-together good feeling of having someone know and understand you!
Something else Dr. Snyder said was that the number one reason that people marry other people is because of genuineness. Hmm! It holds true with why I was attracted to Paul. So interesting!
I'm surprised how much I remember from this class. How surprising to have a class that actually teaches life skills and concepts!
Anyways, so my new goal for myself is to become a more open and honest person. Mainly open--since I don't think I have a lying problem. I think usually I'm pretty picky about who I open up to...which isn't necessarily a bad trait, I don't think. You've got to have some wisdom about who to trust. But, on the other hand, if no one opened up to anybody, nobody would know anybody! And that would be a very sad world.
Snyder also had us write down which we thought was more important in a marriage--openness or honesty. In class, I was really confused because I was having a hard time defining the difference. But I liked what other people said. Clearly, honesty is more important because what good is a bunch of information about a person if it's not the truth? For example, let's say you're dating someone and you're talking and being really "open" and telling them all sorts of things, and he/she is telling you all sorts of things. Then you come to find out once you're married (heaven forbid!) that all this time he/she has been lying to you! Pfhhhh, openness!!! Honesty is clearly more important.
But! Then someone else spoke up and said he thought openness was more important. He said he sees openness as containing honesty within it. I think I'm jumping more onto his train of thought now. Honesty is fine and dandy, but if you don't tell your spouse (boyfriend/friend/any person) things (aka, being open), and just wait for them to ask you, it might never happen! You can easily detour around the question while still being technically honest! So, if honesty is assumed in openness, then clearly, openness is the most important of the two.
It even parallels in God's relationship to us. He has been completely open and honest to us through his word. He does not even hide what will happen to us and the world in the future. He tells us how the world began. What a gift of openness!
All this thinking about openness and honesty has caused me to recognize it more clearly in my relationships. And it's so true! I am naturally drawn to people who seem to be more open and honest with themselves and with others. When other people open up, it's easier for you to open up, and the result is just an all-together good feeling of having someone know and understand you!
Something else Dr. Snyder said was that the number one reason that people marry other people is because of genuineness. Hmm! It holds true with why I was attracted to Paul. So interesting!
I'm surprised how much I remember from this class. How surprising to have a class that actually teaches life skills and concepts!
Anyways, so my new goal for myself is to become a more open and honest person. Mainly open--since I don't think I have a lying problem. I think usually I'm pretty picky about who I open up to...which isn't necessarily a bad trait, I don't think. You've got to have some wisdom about who to trust. But, on the other hand, if no one opened up to anybody, nobody would know anybody! And that would be a very sad world.
Friday, February 27, 2009
we have a honeymoon!
Wednesday was a good day. Paul and I got a honeymoon and a place to live for next year, all in the same day!
The honeymoon spot is going to be Waldport, Oregon. Paul's mom's aunt has a vacation house right on the beach there, and she said we could stay there for free! I guess Paul's mom's cousins (is that confusing?) all have families in Portland, and don't have time to stay at the house, so it rarely gets used. I think we can pretty much stay there as long as we want. So, yay! She said every room in the house was built to have a view of the beach, haha! Anyway, it's awesome, and just what we wanted. We were going to go to Barbados, since his parents have a time share there, but the flights there would have been pretty expensive, and long, and we hate flying anyway...and we will have other chances to go there in the future. I love Oregon, it's so beautiful and green there! I could really see myself living there someday. I love all the outdoorsy/hippie/earthy people. It will be nice to have a car to drive around with there and check places out.
The first night we're gonna stay at this really nice resort hotel in Snoqualmie, with a waterfall! It worked out perfect, because that place is right on the way to start the drive to Oregon. After the honeymoon, we'll probably drive back, open all the gifts, and finish packing for school... and then go on honeymoon #2! Driving across the country! Yay! I love road trips. I don't know what route we'll take yet, but maybe we'll stop by Colorado and conquer those Rocky Mountains. :)
The other thing we found out is that we're living in Fairlane next year! It was our first choice because it was the best deal, and it comes mostly furnished. Furnished=necessity for us, since we don't really want to lug a bunch of furniture around, or buy a bunch of it for only one semester and J-term (and then have to lug it somewhere else). So, yippee! Things are working out, and God is providing for us. :)
I'm so excited for the summer. I'm so excited to get married, and for the honeymoon, and just to BE married to Paul. I haven't done hardly any wedding planning in the last two months--I'm just not that into it anymore. All the details of the wedding... I find myself saying, "Yeah, sure whatever! That looks good!" and making decisions really fast. Usually, I can never make decisions! So this change is good, I think. It certainly makes planning a lot less stressful. I just know that it will all work out in the end, and all these little details people freak out about don't really matter. It's a very freeing feeling. :)
The honeymoon spot is going to be Waldport, Oregon. Paul's mom's aunt has a vacation house right on the beach there, and she said we could stay there for free! I guess Paul's mom's cousins (is that confusing?) all have families in Portland, and don't have time to stay at the house, so it rarely gets used. I think we can pretty much stay there as long as we want. So, yay! She said every room in the house was built to have a view of the beach, haha! Anyway, it's awesome, and just what we wanted. We were going to go to Barbados, since his parents have a time share there, but the flights there would have been pretty expensive, and long, and we hate flying anyway...and we will have other chances to go there in the future. I love Oregon, it's so beautiful and green there! I could really see myself living there someday. I love all the outdoorsy/hippie/earthy people. It will be nice to have a car to drive around with there and check places out.
The first night we're gonna stay at this really nice resort hotel in Snoqualmie, with a waterfall! It worked out perfect, because that place is right on the way to start the drive to Oregon. After the honeymoon, we'll probably drive back, open all the gifts, and finish packing for school... and then go on honeymoon #2! Driving across the country! Yay! I love road trips. I don't know what route we'll take yet, but maybe we'll stop by Colorado and conquer those Rocky Mountains. :)
The other thing we found out is that we're living in Fairlane next year! It was our first choice because it was the best deal, and it comes mostly furnished. Furnished=necessity for us, since we don't really want to lug a bunch of furniture around, or buy a bunch of it for only one semester and J-term (and then have to lug it somewhere else). So, yippee! Things are working out, and God is providing for us. :)
I'm so excited for the summer. I'm so excited to get married, and for the honeymoon, and just to BE married to Paul. I haven't done hardly any wedding planning in the last two months--I'm just not that into it anymore. All the details of the wedding... I find myself saying, "Yeah, sure whatever! That looks good!" and making decisions really fast. Usually, I can never make decisions! So this change is good, I think. It certainly makes planning a lot less stressful. I just know that it will all work out in the end, and all these little details people freak out about don't really matter. It's a very freeing feeling. :)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
chic week
This past week has been what Sammy calls "dude week," where all the guys in Sammy give up something for the week. Since Paul was participating in this by giving up video games, all TV, all junk food, all meat, all dairy, as well as fasting on Tuesday and Thursday (and probably something else I'm forgetting), I felt inspired to have my own little version--"chic week." I choose to give up meat and internet--the internet being the much more difficult one! The one exception to the rule would be that I could check my email once a day...since you never know when a prof is going to throw an extra assignment on ya!
The results of this week were that I got to bed A LOT earlier. Also, I felt much more focused. I think being on the internet a lot makes me start to think in terms of clicking, and having multiple tabs open at the same time, and my brain starts getting jittery... It's hard to explain. I'll have these little pop-up thoughts throughout the day, but then they'll be gone the next second, because I'm on a different page, or something else has popped up. I also felt less rushed. I had more time to do everything--getting ready in the morning, doing chores... I had more time for people. I called my friends more than usual; I wanted to do things. I was less forgetful too. I even worked out twice during the week! This is unusual.
I also got to read a lot more. This may horrify you literary, reader-type people, but I haven't read a book for fun, entirely, all the way through, for years. I've started many different books, but then I loose interest, or am annoyed by something about the way it is written, and abandon the book. The closest I've got to finishing a for fun book is Jane Eye, which I probably would have finished if I didn't keep leaving it at home.
Anyways, last week I ordered a book on Amazon called Silence in October by Jens Christian Grondahl. I heard about this book through reading By Cunning and Craft last year in Fiction class. It quoted Silence in October, and I remember being so drawn by those couple paragraphs. And now I am so glad I bought the book! I love the way it is written. I don't think I have seen one quotation mark of dialogue in the whole book yet. I didn't have anything against quoted dialogue before, but I can't say I miss it now. I can't really describe why I am loving this book so much, other than that the characters are so rich, and just the way it is written...which I can't describe. I will link an excerpt here if you are interested. I don't want to talk it up too much though, because maybe it's just me. I haven't finished the book yet, but I don't think I'll be abandoning this one.
The results of this week were that I got to bed A LOT earlier. Also, I felt much more focused. I think being on the internet a lot makes me start to think in terms of clicking, and having multiple tabs open at the same time, and my brain starts getting jittery... It's hard to explain. I'll have these little pop-up thoughts throughout the day, but then they'll be gone the next second, because I'm on a different page, or something else has popped up. I also felt less rushed. I had more time to do everything--getting ready in the morning, doing chores... I had more time for people. I called my friends more than usual; I wanted to do things. I was less forgetful too. I even worked out twice during the week! This is unusual.
I also got to read a lot more. This may horrify you literary, reader-type people, but I haven't read a book for fun, entirely, all the way through, for years. I've started many different books, but then I loose interest, or am annoyed by something about the way it is written, and abandon the book. The closest I've got to finishing a for fun book is Jane Eye, which I probably would have finished if I didn't keep leaving it at home.
Anyways, last week I ordered a book on Amazon called Silence in October by Jens Christian Grondahl. I heard about this book through reading By Cunning and Craft last year in Fiction class. It quoted Silence in October, and I remember being so drawn by those couple paragraphs. And now I am so glad I bought the book! I love the way it is written. I don't think I have seen one quotation mark of dialogue in the whole book yet. I didn't have anything against quoted dialogue before, but I can't say I miss it now. I can't really describe why I am loving this book so much, other than that the characters are so rich, and just the way it is written...which I can't describe. I will link an excerpt here if you are interested. I don't want to talk it up too much though, because maybe it's just me. I haven't finished the book yet, but I don't think I'll be abandoning this one.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
rain, rain, go away...
So, I just don't understand people who say they love the smell of rain. I hate the smell of rain! I think it's gross. It smells like the word "moist" sounds. Moooiiiiist. Yuck. The air feels sticky to breathe. And it almost smells salty to me, but not a warm beach salty...it's mooooiiist. And it feels like it's getting all over you, and doesn't go away... I just want it to go away.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
what do you do?
Today, I got a package in the mail from my brother, Caleb...it was a birthday gift, a new webcam with a microphone attached. :) I forget if I mentioned before, but Caleb came to Taylor the same time I did, but left after fall of this year, and is now working with my dad and then plans to transfer to a different college in the fall. Anyway, after quite a struggle we figured out how to get the voice working on the webcam, and he has one too, so we just talked for a while. He told me about how he went to Applebees this weekend and ordered (and ate) three full meals, plus a disappointingly small ice cream sundae...and the reaction of the 100 lb. waitress. :) That in itself was probably worth the $30 something bill.
Anyways, he told me about this guy my dad and him met at a Calvary Chapel conference somewhere... The guy was sitting next to them and my dad and him start talking. He seemed normal but once they start talking, you could tell the guy's not completely "there," so to speak. My dad asks the generic smalltalk question, "So what do you do?" The guy replies, "I just do what I can." He just does what he can. What a profound statement! Then later, the guy says, "I'm a top ringer!" My dad asks, "a top ringer?" I guess the guy worked for the Salvation Army, and brought in the most money--$5,000. He said, "Yeah, the trick is when the shift is over and it was time to go home...I just stayed!"
I dunno, that little story just struck me... He just does what he can. I'm sure God is using him in the things he does. It seems he has the willing, and cheerful heart to do what he can, and he does! I just think that is very admirable.
Anyways, he told me about this guy my dad and him met at a Calvary Chapel conference somewhere... The guy was sitting next to them and my dad and him start talking. He seemed normal but once they start talking, you could tell the guy's not completely "there," so to speak. My dad asks the generic smalltalk question, "So what do you do?" The guy replies, "I just do what I can." He just does what he can. What a profound statement! Then later, the guy says, "I'm a top ringer!" My dad asks, "a top ringer?" I guess the guy worked for the Salvation Army, and brought in the most money--$5,000. He said, "Yeah, the trick is when the shift is over and it was time to go home...I just stayed!"
I dunno, that little story just struck me... He just does what he can. I'm sure God is using him in the things he does. It seems he has the willing, and cheerful heart to do what he can, and he does! I just think that is very admirable.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
hahaha
Okay, so I just learned a new word. It's really amazing.
...the word is.....
frigorific.
In fact, it's such a new word that my computer doesn't even know it and has underlined it in red.
This fabulous adjective means "causing cold" or "chilling." Merriam-Webster's Dictionary gives the example sentence, "Jamie shivered as she faced the frigorific blast of wind blowing off the lake." Or you could say, "Ugh! This friggin' frigorific wind!"
How delightful!
...the word is.....
frigorific.
In fact, it's such a new word that my computer doesn't even know it and has underlined it in red.
This fabulous adjective means "causing cold" or "chilling." Merriam-Webster's Dictionary gives the example sentence, "Jamie shivered as she faced the frigorific blast of wind blowing off the lake." Or you could say, "Ugh! This friggin' frigorific wind!"
How delightful!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
goodbye milk
Well, I'm kind of sad. My mom called me last night, and said that she just got back from a nutrition meeting that she just started going to. Tonight's topic was about diabetes. If you didn't know already, my mom has type 1 diabetes, which means that her body doesn't produce any insulin at all. A type 2 diabetic produces some insulin, but not enough. My mom has had type 1 diabetes ever since I was born.
Anyways, she comes back from this nutrition meeting, and I guess they said there have been studies showing that cow's milk could cause type 1 diabetes. She also said that when I was a baby and getting weened off of breast milk and onto cow's milk, I developed a rash. I had to go on goat's milk, and then the rash slowly went away. So she thinks because of that, and this new study, and the fact that I'm more susceptible to it because of genes, that I should stop drinking milk.
Here is an article by Time Magazine about the milk-diabetes connection.
This news probably came at a good time, since I've just become more interested in soy milk and almond milk. But I really like milk. Especially in the mornings. So it'll be hard to give up, but this study is scaring me enough to do it. I just hope I don't have to give up cheese and ice cream too (heck, if that happens, I might as well go vegan)! My mom said she will find out next week... I don't know if I could though--that would be rough. If it turns out we shouldn't eat ice cream too, I think Caleb (my brother) would die... When he was at Taylor he would eat an ice cream cone at every meal. Huge ones. He had DQ skills at making the tallest ice cream cone. Anyway, that would be so sad for him. I can't even imagine. Caleb without ice cream...that's just wrong.
Anyways, she comes back from this nutrition meeting, and I guess they said there have been studies showing that cow's milk could cause type 1 diabetes. She also said that when I was a baby and getting weened off of breast milk and onto cow's milk, I developed a rash. I had to go on goat's milk, and then the rash slowly went away. So she thinks because of that, and this new study, and the fact that I'm more susceptible to it because of genes, that I should stop drinking milk.
Here is an article by Time Magazine about the milk-diabetes connection.
This news probably came at a good time, since I've just become more interested in soy milk and almond milk. But I really like milk. Especially in the mornings. So it'll be hard to give up, but this study is scaring me enough to do it. I just hope I don't have to give up cheese and ice cream too (heck, if that happens, I might as well go vegan)! My mom said she will find out next week... I don't know if I could though--that would be rough. If it turns out we shouldn't eat ice cream too, I think Caleb (my brother) would die... When he was at Taylor he would eat an ice cream cone at every meal. Huge ones. He had DQ skills at making the tallest ice cream cone. Anyway, that would be so sad for him. I can't even imagine. Caleb without ice cream...that's just wrong.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
God and Lungs
So much has happened since my last post. I can't go into detail about it all...but I'll give it a small effort.
Thursday night, after journal-making, I went to the prophecy meeting. The routine went as normal. Dr. Heth spoke for a while, we worshiped, and then the main student guy described the prophecy process. Like I explained a post or two ago, the guy picks four people randomly, and then everyone else tries to hear from God about those four people. Anyways, before I went, I had a feeling I would get chosen, and I did! Paul told me afterwards that he had had a feeling I would get chosen too. I was excited but nervous. The nerves wore off though after the first guy was prophesied over. The first thing anybody said was from this guy who got the picture from God of a shark fin in the water, but then a dolphin jumps out of the water, and there really is no shark. He said the thought that meant that the guy has no reason to be afraid about something in his life. The guy sitting next to me (who was getting prophesied over) just started to break down in tears immediately. It really seemed like God reached him. He sobbed for several minutes. I don't see any reason why a guy would do that unless God broke through something in his life...
Anyway, after a while, my turn came. I got several responses, but I will mention the most common ones here. Multiple people got images of rushing water. The first person saw a rainstorm, that was making a flood of constant love. Then he saw Noah, and thought this meant that I will tell others of God's love. Someone else saw a showerhead, gushing out water, and interpreted this to mean love coming down as well. Someone else saw a waterfall, with water increasing, and paving new river beads. He saw this to mean that I will be able to reach new people through love. One person got the image of eyes. He felt God was saying that I will be able to see people, and see people who are hungry for God. A girl saw a clock with the hands moving backwards. She said that God will take care of time. When she said that, I immediately thought of the wedding and how I worry about the future. I know it is a general statement (everyone probably has time issues), but still it was comforting. A guy said he saw me standing in a racetrack. But all the cars stopped. He said maybe God wants a calm on your life. One girl had a distinct image of a little girl in a village that was on fire, but then she finds me, and I keep her safe. I don't know what this means, but I thought it was interesting. Many people saw different images of stars. Someone said God guides the stars, he'll guide you. There were many many other things people said but I can't write them all down here...
I walked away that night feeling very encouraged. I don't know how many of those things were actually directly from God, but it was at least encouraging that people were trying to hear from God. I can't say I had a dramatic revelation from God about my life. But I did feel God's presence and was inspired to desire him more, so it definitely was worth it. That was my second time there, so I'm still new to it all. I'm not going to limit God in the way he works.
By the time I got home that night, it was almost midnight. I read in bed for a while and then I got a text from Liz at 1:30am. It read:
"My left lung collapsed and I just had surgery."
!!!
Long story short, she has spontaneous something thorax. She got a hole in her lung somehow (my guess is laughing too much!) and so when she breathed the air was escaping the lung instead of circulating. So air was filling up outside her lung, where it wasn't supposed to be, and the pressure from the outside air caused her lung to collapse. So they did surgery and stuck a tube in there to suck the unwanted air out. I drove over to spend the night with her there at the hospital the night of, and she was so out of it and drugged up that she could hardly stay awake. The nurses were all really nice though and took care of her well. She fell asleep and I was trying to sleep on this chair, but it had huge armrests on it, so I couldn't curl up. The room was dark now and the nurses were gone. This is weird but I asked God, "how can I get comfortable in this chair?" I was thinking there had to be a way I could sleep on it. Immediately after I thought that, a nurse walked in and was like "Oh, let me make that into a bed for you!" She pulls on something underneath the seat and two entire new sections come out of the chair! And wah-lah! It's a full sized padded bed. Then she brings me sheets and blanket (I already had my pillow). It was awesome, and I actually slept well! Anyways, Liz is doing a lot better now and should be out of the hospital on Wednesday or Thursday. Her dad and best friend from home (NY) drove over to see her and are with her now. And my goodness! Liz has the best attitude ever! I woke up in the morning that day, and she's telling me how blessed she is, and how lucky she feels that God is using her and will use this experience in her life!
I think I've hit my word limit for the day. Sleepy time!
Thursday night, after journal-making, I went to the prophecy meeting. The routine went as normal. Dr. Heth spoke for a while, we worshiped, and then the main student guy described the prophecy process. Like I explained a post or two ago, the guy picks four people randomly, and then everyone else tries to hear from God about those four people. Anyways, before I went, I had a feeling I would get chosen, and I did! Paul told me afterwards that he had had a feeling I would get chosen too. I was excited but nervous. The nerves wore off though after the first guy was prophesied over. The first thing anybody said was from this guy who got the picture from God of a shark fin in the water, but then a dolphin jumps out of the water, and there really is no shark. He said the thought that meant that the guy has no reason to be afraid about something in his life. The guy sitting next to me (who was getting prophesied over) just started to break down in tears immediately. It really seemed like God reached him. He sobbed for several minutes. I don't see any reason why a guy would do that unless God broke through something in his life...
Anyway, after a while, my turn came. I got several responses, but I will mention the most common ones here. Multiple people got images of rushing water. The first person saw a rainstorm, that was making a flood of constant love. Then he saw Noah, and thought this meant that I will tell others of God's love. Someone else saw a showerhead, gushing out water, and interpreted this to mean love coming down as well. Someone else saw a waterfall, with water increasing, and paving new river beads. He saw this to mean that I will be able to reach new people through love. One person got the image of eyes. He felt God was saying that I will be able to see people, and see people who are hungry for God. A girl saw a clock with the hands moving backwards. She said that God will take care of time. When she said that, I immediately thought of the wedding and how I worry about the future. I know it is a general statement (everyone probably has time issues), but still it was comforting. A guy said he saw me standing in a racetrack. But all the cars stopped. He said maybe God wants a calm on your life. One girl had a distinct image of a little girl in a village that was on fire, but then she finds me, and I keep her safe. I don't know what this means, but I thought it was interesting. Many people saw different images of stars. Someone said God guides the stars, he'll guide you. There were many many other things people said but I can't write them all down here...
I walked away that night feeling very encouraged. I don't know how many of those things were actually directly from God, but it was at least encouraging that people were trying to hear from God. I can't say I had a dramatic revelation from God about my life. But I did feel God's presence and was inspired to desire him more, so it definitely was worth it. That was my second time there, so I'm still new to it all. I'm not going to limit God in the way he works.
By the time I got home that night, it was almost midnight. I read in bed for a while and then I got a text from Liz at 1:30am. It read:
"My left lung collapsed and I just had surgery."
!!!
Long story short, she has spontaneous something thorax. She got a hole in her lung somehow (my guess is laughing too much!) and so when she breathed the air was escaping the lung instead of circulating. So air was filling up outside her lung, where it wasn't supposed to be, and the pressure from the outside air caused her lung to collapse. So they did surgery and stuck a tube in there to suck the unwanted air out. I drove over to spend the night with her there at the hospital the night of, and she was so out of it and drugged up that she could hardly stay awake. The nurses were all really nice though and took care of her well. She fell asleep and I was trying to sleep on this chair, but it had huge armrests on it, so I couldn't curl up. The room was dark now and the nurses were gone. This is weird but I asked God, "how can I get comfortable in this chair?" I was thinking there had to be a way I could sleep on it. Immediately after I thought that, a nurse walked in and was like "Oh, let me make that into a bed for you!" She pulls on something underneath the seat and two entire new sections come out of the chair! And wah-lah! It's a full sized padded bed. Then she brings me sheets and blanket (I already had my pillow). It was awesome, and I actually slept well! Anyways, Liz is doing a lot better now and should be out of the hospital on Wednesday or Thursday. Her dad and best friend from home (NY) drove over to see her and are with her now. And my goodness! Liz has the best attitude ever! I woke up in the morning that day, and she's telling me how blessed she is, and how lucky she feels that God is using her and will use this experience in her life!
I think I've hit my word limit for the day. Sleepy time!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
"You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills..."
On Sunday, Paul mentioned that we should do more art type things together. This got me thinking that I don't really have very many hobbies/skills. I don't have any skills like knitting, or cooking, or marathon running, or flying a helicopter, or burping the alphabet. I just have the essential skills like driving a car and tying my shoe laces.
So, I dug in my brain to see what skill I wanted to develop. Because skills don't just appear out of nowhere! You gotta practice them. I decided that it would be nice to know how to make something. So then I thought of making journals! So I started researching this, (hence my last post)...found some sites, and found that it seemed to be more complicated than I expected (if I wanted to do a nice job). Then I remembered that my church (exit 59) was doing a journal making ministry! So I emailed the guy and sure enough, they were meeting the next day to make journals! They are selling the ones they make to try to buy women in Africa out of the sex trade...eventually a team will go there and teach them how to make the journals... so cool! So I went on Monday and I'm going again tonight! I don't think I'm very good at it, but practice, they say, makes perfect.
Oh! Cool thing happened! Today in Contemporary Christian Belief, Speigel talked about developing moral skills. Every virtue or fruit of the Spirit is a skill that needs to be developed...through practice. It seems pretty basic, but that was pretty dawning to me. By the way, my Book of Virtues still hasn't come yet, and I've been faithfully checking my mail every day! Haha, maybe they do that on purpose to make you develop patience! Ho ho! How clever.
Anyway, I'm excited about this new goal for myself now to get some skills! They say self-control is the most important fruit of the Spirit...because all the other virtues branch off of it.
Also, I'm excited about and interested in this new group that has been happening on campus...where students can practice prophecying. I've very slowly (over years) been more open to trusting God's work through spiritual gifts (it started with Ivory!). Last Thursday, I went to the meeting, and the group practiced trying to hear from God to prophecy over four different students. I've never really done something like that before, and it was obvious that God was working through people. I practiced for the first time saying what I thought God was telling me and "prophecied" over two different people. It was a step of faith each time because I wasn't 100% sure that it was God speaking to me...but that's the whole reason they started this group. So that people can practice in a safe environment and learn how to hear and discern God's voice. In a way, we are developing the skill of discernment to recognize God's voice. I'm very excited to go again tonight (9pm at the old prayer chapel)! :)
Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. ~1 Cor. 14:1
So, I dug in my brain to see what skill I wanted to develop. Because skills don't just appear out of nowhere! You gotta practice them. I decided that it would be nice to know how to make something. So then I thought of making journals! So I started researching this, (hence my last post)...found some sites, and found that it seemed to be more complicated than I expected (if I wanted to do a nice job). Then I remembered that my church (exit 59) was doing a journal making ministry! So I emailed the guy and sure enough, they were meeting the next day to make journals! They are selling the ones they make to try to buy women in Africa out of the sex trade...eventually a team will go there and teach them how to make the journals... so cool! So I went on Monday and I'm going again tonight! I don't think I'm very good at it, but practice, they say, makes perfect.
Oh! Cool thing happened! Today in Contemporary Christian Belief, Speigel talked about developing moral skills. Every virtue or fruit of the Spirit is a skill that needs to be developed...through practice. It seems pretty basic, but that was pretty dawning to me. By the way, my Book of Virtues still hasn't come yet, and I've been faithfully checking my mail every day! Haha, maybe they do that on purpose to make you develop patience! Ho ho! How clever.
Anyway, I'm excited about this new goal for myself now to get some skills! They say self-control is the most important fruit of the Spirit...because all the other virtues branch off of it.
Also, I'm excited about and interested in this new group that has been happening on campus...where students can practice prophecying. I've very slowly (over years) been more open to trusting God's work through spiritual gifts (it started with Ivory!). Last Thursday, I went to the meeting, and the group practiced trying to hear from God to prophecy over four different students. I've never really done something like that before, and it was obvious that God was working through people. I practiced for the first time saying what I thought God was telling me and "prophecied" over two different people. It was a step of faith each time because I wasn't 100% sure that it was God speaking to me...but that's the whole reason they started this group. So that people can practice in a safe environment and learn how to hear and discern God's voice. In a way, we are developing the skill of discernment to recognize God's voice. I'm very excited to go again tonight (9pm at the old prayer chapel)! :)
Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. ~1 Cor. 14:1
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
it feels so wrong...
Ugh, I feel so annoyed. I hate how it's just expected to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding. That's stupid. It feels wrong. I feel like Paul and I started the wedding planning out pretty simple (so I could stay in college, go figure), but my mother and future new mother (in-law) are wanting to spend more money on it than I'm comfortable with. It just feels so wrong to blow so much money for one day. I want the day to be about God, not how everything looks. My future mother-in-law bought us an over $1000 wedding cake for Christmas. I was shocked and humbled, but I also have this other feeling now...just uncomfortable with it I guess. I just can't justify spending $1000 on food, much less cake. I don't know, it just feels so strange. I don't know how I should feel. Thankful? It is a very nice thing to do, but I would never spend my own money that way, so I guess it's hard to accept. It's not like I can reject her gift though. That would seem so rude.
And now I just got a quote back from our florist consultation: $1,350. Gah! Another $1000 that will be gone after that one day. Sigh. I just can't handle it. I just can't handle throwing money away like that. It seems so wrong. The only thing I really ever cared to spend money on was the wedding dress...that could at least be passed on to my daughter someday. But spending on things that are just going to get tossed in the garbage later...how is that okay???
I guess my mom already went out and bought tablecloths and some table decorations...I have no idea what she spent on those...
I want it to be simple from here on out...new florist please!! I don't want to feel guilty walking down the aisle...
And now I just got a quote back from our florist consultation: $1,350. Gah! Another $1000 that will be gone after that one day. Sigh. I just can't handle it. I just can't handle throwing money away like that. It seems so wrong. The only thing I really ever cared to spend money on was the wedding dress...that could at least be passed on to my daughter someday. But spending on things that are just going to get tossed in the garbage later...how is that okay???
I guess my mom already went out and bought tablecloths and some table decorations...I have no idea what she spent on those...
I want it to be simple from here on out...new florist please!! I don't want to feel guilty walking down the aisle...
coffee & books
Well, I was just going to go to bed, when I realized that was a ridiculous idea, since my hands are shaking and I feel more alert and jittery than a chipmunk. Paul and I went to Starbucks (we wanted to go to Payne's but it was closed!) today and shared a venti mocha...I haven't had coffee since J-term started, but I didn't think it would effect me this much! Especially since I only drank half of it. I think it might be wearing off a little bit though...it's been almost 6 hours already--about time!
Anyway, I've always been a "fluffy" coffee drinker...needing my sugar and creme...latte's...fraps, etc. But I realized today that I've never really given black coffee a chance. I want to transition to black coffee since it's so much cheaper. Paul says to do that I have to just start drinking it for like a month straight. He says to go cold turkey and not put anything in it. He says the real flavor of coffee gets ruined by the other stuff. SO, I'm going to try a black coffee tomorrow at the Jumping Bean. He recommends Papa New Ginea, I think it was.
Well, lately I've been experiencing the guilty joy of buying books on Amazon for $.01. I just can't resist it! Although it comes to like $4 with shipping...but still. Today I bought "The Book of Virtues." I remember reading that when I was a little girl, or someone reading it to me. I love those stories with good morals! So enlightening and life-applicable. I can't wait to get it in the mail! I am just anticipating the nostalgia and wisdom.
There is something about seeing virtues play out in stories (or real life) that make them so much more accessable than trying to figure out just by thinking about it what "love your neighbor" actually means. I wish my J-term class didn't require so much reading! I mean, the book we're reading is pretty good, but I'm burnt out on reading by the time I'm done, so I don't get to read my personal interest books!
Now that I think about it, I don't really have hardly any personal interest books here...books are too heavy to pack in my suitcase! But that's okay, I'll just buy them on Amazon! I do feel kind of bad though, always buying used books, because the money never gets to the author. But on the other hand, buying used books is kind of like recycling, and recycling is good! But it does seem unfair for authors.
Anyway, I've always been a "fluffy" coffee drinker...needing my sugar and creme...latte's...fraps, etc. But I realized today that I've never really given black coffee a chance. I want to transition to black coffee since it's so much cheaper. Paul says to do that I have to just start drinking it for like a month straight. He says to go cold turkey and not put anything in it. He says the real flavor of coffee gets ruined by the other stuff. SO, I'm going to try a black coffee tomorrow at the Jumping Bean. He recommends Papa New Ginea, I think it was.
Well, lately I've been experiencing the guilty joy of buying books on Amazon for $.01. I just can't resist it! Although it comes to like $4 with shipping...but still. Today I bought "The Book of Virtues." I remember reading that when I was a little girl, or someone reading it to me. I love those stories with good morals! So enlightening and life-applicable. I can't wait to get it in the mail! I am just anticipating the nostalgia and wisdom.
There is something about seeing virtues play out in stories (or real life) that make them so much more accessable than trying to figure out just by thinking about it what "love your neighbor" actually means. I wish my J-term class didn't require so much reading! I mean, the book we're reading is pretty good, but I'm burnt out on reading by the time I'm done, so I don't get to read my personal interest books!
Now that I think about it, I don't really have hardly any personal interest books here...books are too heavy to pack in my suitcase! But that's okay, I'll just buy them on Amazon! I do feel kind of bad though, always buying used books, because the money never gets to the author. But on the other hand, buying used books is kind of like recycling, and recycling is good! But it does seem unfair for authors.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
New post!! Get excited everybody!! Hehe :)
I stopped writing on here because I didn't think anybody read it!! Rachel said I need to update though, so here we go!
Well, I'm going to stay at Taylor (thank God!) next semester... I have just a little over a year left! I can't believe it! I got my grades back and I got all A's except for two A minus's! That's the best I've ever done!! I was surprised.
Paul went over to the other side of the mountains today to hang with his brothers. I'm going over with his parents on Sunday to have dinner with Troy and Nicole (my future bro and sister-in-law!). I'm excited to have dinner with them, because I don't feel like we have the best relationship, and I want to try really hard to get to know Nicole better and improve our relationship.
I was planning on doing ALL the wedding planning over this Christmas break, lol, but that is definately not happening. First of all, I cannot believe how expensive tuxes are!! Wow!! $130 to rent one tux, and that's without the $30 shoes! It's disgusting. We got the bridesmaid dresses for just $35 each, which is awesome. So far it's been a wonderful break, besides the fact that Ivory is in Mexico! I miss her. . .
Anyway...Christmas cheer to all! <3
I stopped writing on here because I didn't think anybody read it!! Rachel said I need to update though, so here we go!
Well, I'm going to stay at Taylor (thank God!) next semester... I have just a little over a year left! I can't believe it! I got my grades back and I got all A's except for two A minus's! That's the best I've ever done!! I was surprised.
Paul went over to the other side of the mountains today to hang with his brothers. I'm going over with his parents on Sunday to have dinner with Troy and Nicole (my future bro and sister-in-law!). I'm excited to have dinner with them, because I don't feel like we have the best relationship, and I want to try really hard to get to know Nicole better and improve our relationship.
I was planning on doing ALL the wedding planning over this Christmas break, lol, but that is definately not happening. First of all, I cannot believe how expensive tuxes are!! Wow!! $130 to rent one tux, and that's without the $30 shoes! It's disgusting. We got the bridesmaid dresses for just $35 each, which is awesome. So far it's been a wonderful break, besides the fact that Ivory is in Mexico! I miss her. . .
Anyway...Christmas cheer to all! <3
Monday, October 13, 2008
I need to sleep. I feel like I get more and more disorganized every day. My dad called yesterday and wants me to consider staying home after Christmas and taking spring semester of college off. The reason being so I can work and help pay for my wedding. On first hearing this, it seemed incredibly depressing...and still is in a lot of ways. Okay, yeah...it's still depressing in most every way. Honestly, I think I'd rather elope than quit school. My dad's always the one saying that I should focus on school more than the wedding, so I don't know why he's bringing this up now. He said something like, "I just want to make sure you get married this summer." What's THAT supposed to mean???? Jeez. I don't want to come home and work some dead-end job for more than a few months, and then spend it all on my own wedding...One day of my life. I don't want to be remembering that day as being an accumulation of all the work I've done while I could have been finishing up my degree. What's the point? Weddings aren't supposed to be like that.
I'd rather just get married in the church and go ultra-ultra cheap and have it be a small wedding I think. I don't know. I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I just don't want it to screw up the time when Paul would graduate, because I think it would if he came home.
I just can't believe how fast things change. How fast plans change. Plans aren't really anything anyway.
We talked about transferring to Central after we get married...which would be cool because it would probably be free for us, and Paul's brother Eric would be going there. It would be nice to hang out with him more, and hopefully affect his life if we could.
I just don't know. I don't like not having set plans of how things will happen. I just don't know how this is all going to work out. I just want to graduate college... And I'm so close. I don't feel like stretching it out any longer. I could be graduated by the end of January 2010. That's a little over a year from now! I think we will probably stay at Taylor. It seems silly to stop college for a wedding. I don't know. Maybe it's not...
I just wish I knew what to do!!!
I'd rather just get married in the church and go ultra-ultra cheap and have it be a small wedding I think. I don't know. I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I just don't want it to screw up the time when Paul would graduate, because I think it would if he came home.
I just can't believe how fast things change. How fast plans change. Plans aren't really anything anyway.
We talked about transferring to Central after we get married...which would be cool because it would probably be free for us, and Paul's brother Eric would be going there. It would be nice to hang out with him more, and hopefully affect his life if we could.
I just don't know. I don't like not having set plans of how things will happen. I just don't know how this is all going to work out. I just want to graduate college... And I'm so close. I don't feel like stretching it out any longer. I could be graduated by the end of January 2010. That's a little over a year from now! I think we will probably stay at Taylor. It seems silly to stop college for a wedding. I don't know. Maybe it's not...
I just wish I knew what to do!!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
My roommate is making brownies. Brownies have a unmistakable smell. I like them.
I'm tired of school...I like it, but it wears me out. I'm constantly in a cycle of stressing and lack of sleep. This can't be good for me! What if this is shortening my lifespan!!? I've been thinking about the college system a lot...how beneficial is it? Kaydi was talking about her boyfriend, who is not a college graduate, but seems to be the smartest person she knows. He is very well read, and has his own business. He wants someday to open a used book store.
I don't know...It seems like college is a waste of time in a way. Maybe I won't realize what I've learned until I'm out, but I wish I could learn what I want to learn and not just what is assigned. I don't have time to read books that I would choose to read...I'm too busy reading ones I have to. Why am I doing this? Just to "do my time" and get that piece of paper that says I'm a college graduate? What does that even mean? Why is it so important?
What do I want to do with my life???????
I would love to own a book store--new and used, plus a coffee shop. That would be beautiful. I would start a writer's group that would meet there... and a book club. But I struggle with it, because I don't know if I have the right personality for starting this up like that. I've never been a leader personality.
I would also love to work in a publishing company. Editing a literary journal. Being the one to accept/reject pieces.
I also want to write. Writing is so hard though... it really is. First of all, getting motivated to write...then getting motivated to edit it. I wish it wasn't such a great task--to write well...
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't gone to college. Would I have learned more or less? Honestly, I can't wait to graduate. I can't wait to live real life. I just can't stand having the majority of my learning be from textbooks and lectures... I suppose it's better than learning from TV or most movies.
For the past month, I've just been feeling like there is this whole other world of knowledge that I'm missing. I feel like there's so much uncharted territory. It's hard to explain. I just have this desire to know everything there is to know about God, the world, people, and see the big picture. I just want to SEE.
I'm tired of school...I like it, but it wears me out. I'm constantly in a cycle of stressing and lack of sleep. This can't be good for me! What if this is shortening my lifespan!!? I've been thinking about the college system a lot...how beneficial is it? Kaydi was talking about her boyfriend, who is not a college graduate, but seems to be the smartest person she knows. He is very well read, and has his own business. He wants someday to open a used book store.
I don't know...It seems like college is a waste of time in a way. Maybe I won't realize what I've learned until I'm out, but I wish I could learn what I want to learn and not just what is assigned. I don't have time to read books that I would choose to read...I'm too busy reading ones I have to. Why am I doing this? Just to "do my time" and get that piece of paper that says I'm a college graduate? What does that even mean? Why is it so important?
What do I want to do with my life???????
I would love to own a book store--new and used, plus a coffee shop. That would be beautiful. I would start a writer's group that would meet there... and a book club. But I struggle with it, because I don't know if I have the right personality for starting this up like that. I've never been a leader personality.
I would also love to work in a publishing company. Editing a literary journal. Being the one to accept/reject pieces.
I also want to write. Writing is so hard though... it really is. First of all, getting motivated to write...then getting motivated to edit it. I wish it wasn't such a great task--to write well...
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't gone to college. Would I have learned more or less? Honestly, I can't wait to graduate. I can't wait to live real life. I just can't stand having the majority of my learning be from textbooks and lectures... I suppose it's better than learning from TV or most movies.
For the past month, I've just been feeling like there is this whole other world of knowledge that I'm missing. I feel like there's so much uncharted territory. It's hard to explain. I just have this desire to know everything there is to know about God, the world, people, and see the big picture. I just want to SEE.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Well lot's has happened since my last post. I've had time off from Kris Kringle which has allowed me to do many things. I went on vacation with my family and Paul to Ocean Shores, which was a blast. We stayed in a little cottage house, we almost completed the hardest puzzle in the world, and we almost had Paul's mom's van be swallowed by the ocean....
The next weekend, I went to Ocean Shores again, basically* on vacation with Megan and Rachel! This vacation basically consisted of trying to find dates for basically Megan and Rachel--(more importantly, dates with money to take us out to dinner basically...), shopping at basically all the malls on the way and on the way back, and chasing basically every flock of seagulls at the beach with our car! Basically, it was basically a blast. *And basically, they were basically making fun of me for basically just saying basically basic.
Then Paul's older brother Troy got married, and I had the privilege of seeing Paul in a tuxedo with a pink tie and vest, accented with a stylin' top hat---in which he looked exceptionally suave!
Well now, let me back up one day. August 1st. Paul proposed!!! And I am now engaged, soon-to-be-bride, the fiance of my very best friend. Basically, it was the most exciting day of my life. All I could say for the first ten minutes after it happened was, "OMG! OMG! Omg....!!!" It was a surreal experience--the climax of every romantic movie was happening in real life. So I am happy to say I've been engaged for ten days already! hehe :) Whenever I tell people I'm engaged, the first question they ask is "so when's the date???" That is still undecided, but most likely the day will be Aug. 1, 2009.
You may be surprised, but I think it may actually be more fun planning you're wedding before you're engaged then after...and I wish I had been one of those girls that had their entire wedding figured out before they even got into a relationship. The reason being is, there are so many decisions!!! So many. And I think it would be funner (yes, funner) to plan if there wasn't a time limit. Deciding your wedding beforehand is such a good idea, because you don't have the problem I have: I can't decide anything because all I can think about is that this is the only day...I can't have three different styles of weddings, I just get one! So I'm trying to think about all the different options at once, and it probably won't work to mix styles together. But if you do the thinking before you're engaged, you have so much more time, and you can sleep on ideas for longer. So. I highly recommend all you single girls out there to keep dreaming!!!
All that is not to say that I don't like planning my wedding. It's super-duper exciting! But it's also realistic. And I'm not always good about being realistic. Anyway. Here's the direction my dream is going right now:
Think natural. Think comfortable. Paul and I both want to be barefoot. We're thinking an orchard wedding. We're thinking tea party theme. Old teacups on the tables at the reception--a different style teacup at each setting, with unlimited chai tea and coffee. We're thinking as small as possible (without being excluding), because I get nervous in front of lots of people, and we both get drained being around crowds. We're thinking live music--my old violin teacher and her students. Probably no DJ, and for dancing, we're thinking of having everyone learn Contra dancing. This way, it's not the same as every other wedding where the people who don't know how to dance, just sit there bored...but it's all inclusive, and it's easy enough that everyone can learn if they want to. We're also thinking an afternoon wedding, around 2pm, and just serve fruit, cake, and cardamom bread, and assorted yummy things. We want the entire wedding to be fairly short: about 3 hours, and never have a dull moment. Those are our goals so far! Who knows what it'll end up being like! :) The hard part now is finding a good place and if the orchard idea is even possible. Feel free to give me ideas or tips!!
And now the present. I'm in New York right now with Paul's family, at a lake house. We spent the last few days in Connecticut and went to Paul's second cousin's wedding--which was an extremely expensive and ritzy wedding...which is nothing like what either of us would want. Now, we're just chillin' at the lake (which is more like an ocean) and having a real vacation. It's been wonderful. Next Saturday, we will go into the city and see Liz--I am so excited to see you Liz!!! Then we'll come home, frantically try to look at as many wedding places as possible, work for a couple days, and fly out to Taylor--woo hoo!!! It's been a busy summer.
Okay, if you've made it this far, I congratulate you, and you must be a really good friend! lol!
Until next time!! Peace. :)
The next weekend, I went to Ocean Shores again, basically* on vacation with Megan and Rachel! This vacation basically consisted of trying to find dates for basically Megan and Rachel--(more importantly, dates with money to take us out to dinner basically...), shopping at basically all the malls on the way and on the way back, and chasing basically every flock of seagulls at the beach with our car! Basically, it was basically a blast. *And basically, they were basically making fun of me for basically just saying basically basic.
Then Paul's older brother Troy got married, and I had the privilege of seeing Paul in a tuxedo with a pink tie and vest, accented with a stylin' top hat---in which he looked exceptionally suave!
Well now, let me back up one day. August 1st. Paul proposed!!! And I am now engaged, soon-to-be-bride, the fiance of my very best friend. Basically, it was the most exciting day of my life. All I could say for the first ten minutes after it happened was, "OMG! OMG! Omg....!!!" It was a surreal experience--the climax of every romantic movie was happening in real life. So I am happy to say I've been engaged for ten days already! hehe :) Whenever I tell people I'm engaged, the first question they ask is "so when's the date???" That is still undecided, but most likely the day will be Aug. 1, 2009.
You may be surprised, but I think it may actually be more fun planning you're wedding before you're engaged then after...and I wish I had been one of those girls that had their entire wedding figured out before they even got into a relationship. The reason being is, there are so many decisions!!! So many. And I think it would be funner (yes, funner) to plan if there wasn't a time limit. Deciding your wedding beforehand is such a good idea, because you don't have the problem I have: I can't decide anything because all I can think about is that this is the only day...I can't have three different styles of weddings, I just get one! So I'm trying to think about all the different options at once, and it probably won't work to mix styles together. But if you do the thinking before you're engaged, you have so much more time, and you can sleep on ideas for longer. So. I highly recommend all you single girls out there to keep dreaming!!!
All that is not to say that I don't like planning my wedding. It's super-duper exciting! But it's also realistic. And I'm not always good about being realistic. Anyway. Here's the direction my dream is going right now:
Think natural. Think comfortable. Paul and I both want to be barefoot. We're thinking an orchard wedding. We're thinking tea party theme. Old teacups on the tables at the reception--a different style teacup at each setting, with unlimited chai tea and coffee. We're thinking as small as possible (without being excluding), because I get nervous in front of lots of people, and we both get drained being around crowds. We're thinking live music--my old violin teacher and her students. Probably no DJ, and for dancing, we're thinking of having everyone learn Contra dancing. This way, it's not the same as every other wedding where the people who don't know how to dance, just sit there bored...but it's all inclusive, and it's easy enough that everyone can learn if they want to. We're also thinking an afternoon wedding, around 2pm, and just serve fruit, cake, and cardamom bread, and assorted yummy things. We want the entire wedding to be fairly short: about 3 hours, and never have a dull moment. Those are our goals so far! Who knows what it'll end up being like! :) The hard part now is finding a good place and if the orchard idea is even possible. Feel free to give me ideas or tips!!
And now the present. I'm in New York right now with Paul's family, at a lake house. We spent the last few days in Connecticut and went to Paul's second cousin's wedding--which was an extremely expensive and ritzy wedding...which is nothing like what either of us would want. Now, we're just chillin' at the lake (which is more like an ocean) and having a real vacation. It's been wonderful. Next Saturday, we will go into the city and see Liz--I am so excited to see you Liz!!! Then we'll come home, frantically try to look at as many wedding places as possible, work for a couple days, and fly out to Taylor--woo hoo!!! It's been a busy summer.
Okay, if you've made it this far, I congratulate you, and you must be a really good friend! lol!
Until next time!! Peace. :)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I've come to believe that women generally care less and less about how they look the more they age. If you've ever seen those 16-year-old girls whose faces are so meticulously made-up, hair newly highlighted and cut in the latest style, preppy clothes.....it's obvious most girls go through a time where they care a lot about how they look.... Then it seems women get married (or not married) and just don't care as much. When does the turning point happen? I think it's when women realize men aren't worth the extra trouble. When a dolled up girl gets her heart broken, she just can't muster up the effort to get up that extra hour earlier and do her hair perfect for a guy again.
Or it's when the extra attention they're getting isn't the kind of attention they really want... Sometimes I think beautiful people have it the worst... The other day my mom was telling me about the time she spend in Thailand when she was in college. She was working with Cambodian refugees and there was a very beautiful Thai woman in the camp.....They found out she had been raped 8 times in the jungle on her way out of Cambodia. I hadn't thought about it before, but it seems like beauty could easily be a curse, especially in other countries with corrupt police.
What is it women are trying for when they spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on themselves, on their appearances...? I would guess, attention and respect. They want to feel of worth...of worth enough to be pursued and to be cared for. But it usually ends up the reverse...subjectivity, disrespect, and sometimes worse. It seems women strive to make men attracted to their appearance when they can't gain their attention or respect any other way...
I think of the pornography industry. I think many of the those woman thrive off of the power they have over the men that see them, and interpret a man's powerlessness as respect and admiration. But it is not the kind of respect that would make a man want to marry her, or cherish her, or protect her.....which I think is what the porn girls wish they had.
Or it's when the extra attention they're getting isn't the kind of attention they really want... Sometimes I think beautiful people have it the worst... The other day my mom was telling me about the time she spend in Thailand when she was in college. She was working with Cambodian refugees and there was a very beautiful Thai woman in the camp.....They found out she had been raped 8 times in the jungle on her way out of Cambodia. I hadn't thought about it before, but it seems like beauty could easily be a curse, especially in other countries with corrupt police.
What is it women are trying for when they spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on themselves, on their appearances...? I would guess, attention and respect. They want to feel of worth...of worth enough to be pursued and to be cared for. But it usually ends up the reverse...subjectivity, disrespect, and sometimes worse. It seems women strive to make men attracted to their appearance when they can't gain their attention or respect any other way...
I think of the pornography industry. I think many of the those woman thrive off of the power they have over the men that see them, and interpret a man's powerlessness as respect and admiration. But it is not the kind of respect that would make a man want to marry her, or cherish her, or protect her.....which I think is what the porn girls wish they had.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
It's summer. yay!!!!
I've been working at the Quality Inn in Leavenworth, but I think I'm going to quit tomorrow. I'm not getting enough hours and it's too stressful. There are too many complaints and I don't like dealing with mad people when there is nothing I can do. Also, they just don't have enough people on staff at a time usually. I just don't like it very much..and I've never quit a job before. I got hired at Sleeping Lady the other day...then that same day I got a call from Safeway about openings at the Deli and Starbucks. Also, the owner of Kris Kringle called. And the Soup Cellar called. So now I'm not sure what to do! Also, I applied at Copper Creek and they'll probably start doing interviews this week. I need to find out how many hours each one would give me and the pay... Soup Cellar is probably the best because I would get tips and I worked there over Christmas, so I won't have to learn a new system or anything. Anyway....jobs!!! They are just kind of annoying when you can't get full time anywhere..! Paul got it good at the Pizza Co. Only 6 hour shifts and $50 in tips every night = awesome. I admit, I was jealous! I start at Sleeping Lady on Tuesday...hopefully it will be fun!
I've been working at the Quality Inn in Leavenworth, but I think I'm going to quit tomorrow. I'm not getting enough hours and it's too stressful. There are too many complaints and I don't like dealing with mad people when there is nothing I can do. Also, they just don't have enough people on staff at a time usually. I just don't like it very much..and I've never quit a job before. I got hired at Sleeping Lady the other day...then that same day I got a call from Safeway about openings at the Deli and Starbucks. Also, the owner of Kris Kringle called. And the Soup Cellar called. So now I'm not sure what to do! Also, I applied at Copper Creek and they'll probably start doing interviews this week. I need to find out how many hours each one would give me and the pay... Soup Cellar is probably the best because I would get tips and I worked there over Christmas, so I won't have to learn a new system or anything. Anyway....jobs!!! They are just kind of annoying when you can't get full time anywhere..! Paul got it good at the Pizza Co. Only 6 hour shifts and $50 in tips every night = awesome. I admit, I was jealous! I start at Sleeping Lady on Tuesday...hopefully it will be fun!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
I discovered a new poet today that I really like. His name is John Rybicki. I'm going to post some of his amazing poetry here, for your enjoyment! :D
is the father's heart falling.
Here's a link to another one of his poems that I like maybe even more. :) AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL
The Earth Is Not Quiet
For Calvin Galazin
Even leaves are rattling
out of hearts. I gravel skid
and dive over my handlebars.
I know what the leaves are:
one formed from the heart of
the priest lifting this skinny boy
like some host five feet off
the altar and hanging him
from the pin in Christ's feet;
one shaped from the heart of
the German man on the line at
Dodge Truck, seventy-one years
old and he's still stretching
Cinderella's slipper
over 487 brake pedals each day,
fire and floating metal carriages
and sweat blown back around him
as if gathering in a twirling midnight
dress; another leaf for the nurse,
her fingers hollow as bone flutes
and she's piping them all night
beside her boy's oxygen tent;
another leaf for the father, who,
three hours earlier, slammed the rolling
hospital bed through doctors to find
a wall socket that would give
his blue boy oxygen. The boy
diving over his handlebars
is the father's heart falling.
Here's a link to another one of his poems that I like maybe even more. :) AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I realized today that I need to be more sensitive to the failures of people. I know when I fail, I feel so vulnerable and completely unprotected and sensitive. I feel like all I want to do is hide. I realized that I don't like being in a situation where I'm the one with most failure. But I think this teaches me how to behave when someone else is in the situation of the most failure. How can I be sensitive, and not prideful and not flaunt any qualities I deem as more successful? Sometimes (maybe most of the time) I have a low self-esteem. I don't believe in myself. Honestly, I don't think I'm good at much of anything. But I am amazed at others who are able to achieve so much. I can't even imagine being in the life of a person like that. But I wonder if it's better; maybe it's not. Why do people strive so much to achieve *fill in the blank*? Is life really just a series of ropes and ladders that you climb to see how far you can get? Are relationships there to just boost the level of your identity? It seems like that's the way it is sometimes.
I don't deal well with competition. I don't deal well with competition at all. I just want to get along with everybody and have everybody support everybody. And I just don't want to appear that way because that is just another ploy to climbing the ropes. To know the polite words, to act like a caring person, just so you're safe and technically equal a nice person--all the outer calculations add up, but inside what are you? What's the point of being labeled such a nice person, when you're not actually accomplishing anything? The truly kind person looks and sees deeply. The truly kind person sees deeply and responds to the person/situation at the root, not the surface. The socially accepted formalities of politeness mean nothing if the root issue is ignored.
I don't deal well with competition. I don't deal well with competition at all. I just want to get along with everybody and have everybody support everybody. And I just don't want to appear that way because that is just another ploy to climbing the ropes. To know the polite words, to act like a caring person, just so you're safe and technically equal a nice person--all the outer calculations add up, but inside what are you? What's the point of being labeled such a nice person, when you're not actually accomplishing anything? The truly kind person looks and sees deeply. The truly kind person sees deeply and responds to the person/situation at the root, not the surface. The socially accepted formalities of politeness mean nothing if the root issue is ignored.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Hehehe!!!
I was walking on the side walk on campus on my way to work and there was a guy walking in front of me a few steps ahead carrying a bundled up shirt in his hand. Suddenly, I see a pair of whitie tighties fall out of the shirt and onto the sidewalk! He quickly picked them up and looked around to see if anyone saw...and saw me... He must have been so embarrassed! lol
I was walking on the side walk on campus on my way to work and there was a guy walking in front of me a few steps ahead carrying a bundled up shirt in his hand. Suddenly, I see a pair of whitie tighties fall out of the shirt and onto the sidewalk! He quickly picked them up and looked around to see if anyone saw...and saw me... He must have been so embarrassed! lol
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Quick Story! (I wrote this on a back of a notecard!)
I love blood. There are so many different flavors of it. There's the sweet and sugary kind, the creamy milky kind, thick or thin--everyone has their own distinct flavor. I don't understand how humans can stop themselves from biting into their own flesh and sucking themselves dry--it just takes so good! Yes, blood is a beautiful thing. MMM! I think I smell some beautiful bloodiness coming my way now! Ahhh, delicious. Yes, some blood-beings are coming up the trail now!
"Babyyyyy, can we turn around? My legs are burning and they're all stratched up--thanks to you. Don't you want to see sexy legs, sugar pumpkin?"
Ah, yes, coming in full view. Now this is fine dining--the hairless skin, so much area to cover...the package is even partially opened for me! Red is my favorite color... Here it comes--steady...steady... GLIP! Gulp...gulp...gulp. Sweetness... :)
I love blood. There are so many different flavors of it. There's the sweet and sugary kind, the creamy milky kind, thick or thin--everyone has their own distinct flavor. I don't understand how humans can stop themselves from biting into their own flesh and sucking themselves dry--it just takes so good! Yes, blood is a beautiful thing. MMM! I think I smell some beautiful bloodiness coming my way now! Ahhh, delicious. Yes, some blood-beings are coming up the trail now!
"Babyyyyy, can we turn around? My legs are burning and they're all stratched up--thanks to you. Don't you want to see sexy legs, sugar pumpkin?"
Ah, yes, coming in full view. Now this is fine dining--the hairless skin, so much area to cover...the package is even partially opened for me! Red is my favorite color... Here it comes--steady...steady... GLIP! Gulp...gulp...gulp. Sweetness... :)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Hmm. Got some thoughts today. That's cool.
I was thinking...it seems the Christian community doesn't go outside itself much. Taylor kids stay at Taylor, go to church on the weekends, etc. but few reach out to the community (I'll be honest, I don't). We can give the excuse of school right now, but I know myself, and I know that's not the real reason. The reason is we feel inadequate. We feel we don't have what it takes to "minister" to people--we don't know how to help, how to act, how to be. Even more than that, we don't believe that we can do it. We don't feel capable. We don't believe in ourselves, and neither do we believe that God can use us.
Keith Green comes to mind. I read his biography written by his wife...and I was just thinking what it would be like to be one of his kids. Keith Green raised his family, directly "ministering" to druggies, single mothers, and other screwed up people by having them LIVE with him. He bought extra houses in the neighborhood where they could live. Imagine growing up with Keith Green as your dad, and living that way...to have it be normal to be in that constant state of immersion, and faith, and selflessness.
I think a big problem today, is that we don't know what ministering is. We've grown up living in a way that we see as Christian, but the only concept of "ministering" we have is to talk to a stranger on an airplane, or go on a mission trip. One time, temporary events. What would it be like to instead live in a habit of extreme and constant involvement in the lives of our friends who are lost? What would it be like to stick it through, and never give up on somebody?
Today I've been thinking a lot about...just trying to imagine who Jesus would be if he was here today and in our culture. I just like really want him to come back, for like a day even, so I can watch him and understand. I mean, the accounts in the Bible are great and should be enough for me, but I just have this desire to see him in our world today. It's crazy though, even when Jesus was on Earth, the people didn't understand him, so it almost seems hopeless!!
Sigh..!
I was thinking...it seems the Christian community doesn't go outside itself much. Taylor kids stay at Taylor, go to church on the weekends, etc. but few reach out to the community (I'll be honest, I don't). We can give the excuse of school right now, but I know myself, and I know that's not the real reason. The reason is we feel inadequate. We feel we don't have what it takes to "minister" to people--we don't know how to help, how to act, how to be. Even more than that, we don't believe that we can do it. We don't feel capable. We don't believe in ourselves, and neither do we believe that God can use us.
Keith Green comes to mind. I read his biography written by his wife...and I was just thinking what it would be like to be one of his kids. Keith Green raised his family, directly "ministering" to druggies, single mothers, and other screwed up people by having them LIVE with him. He bought extra houses in the neighborhood where they could live. Imagine growing up with Keith Green as your dad, and living that way...to have it be normal to be in that constant state of immersion, and faith, and selflessness.
I think a big problem today, is that we don't know what ministering is. We've grown up living in a way that we see as Christian, but the only concept of "ministering" we have is to talk to a stranger on an airplane, or go on a mission trip. One time, temporary events. What would it be like to instead live in a habit of extreme and constant involvement in the lives of our friends who are lost? What would it be like to stick it through, and never give up on somebody?
Today I've been thinking a lot about...just trying to imagine who Jesus would be if he was here today and in our culture. I just like really want him to come back, for like a day even, so I can watch him and understand. I mean, the accounts in the Bible are great and should be enough for me, but I just have this desire to see him in our world today. It's crazy though, even when Jesus was on Earth, the people didn't understand him, so it almost seems hopeless!!
Sigh..!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
This story is called "This Old Man" (right now): this is the first page of it! Still writing the rest ;)
Roy
Mneh, Mneh. My dentures are so sexy. My teeth have never looked this good. I hate being old. No, I love being old. Who am I kidding—I’m not old. I’m the sexiest man alive. Yeah. The women just can’t keep their eyes off me. Oh, yeahhh. Women kill for older men. They just can’t control themselves. All I have to do is say, “hey Beautiful,” and maybe, if I really want to get them blushing, toss in a wink, and a deep gaze—gets ‘em every time. The problem is they get so clingy after a while. It’s almost like they want me to worship them. I mean, I’m a busy man. Sure, I think you’ve got a cute butt, but I don’t have time to be thinking about you all day. I don’t know what they expect. I’ve got a lot on my mind—lots of important business—I can’t be remembering everyone’s name and favorite candy. God, these women! They just undress me with their eyes wherever I go—there’s nothing I can do. They have no reserve; I tell you, they’re out of control. I can’t shut them up sometimes. And they refuse to carry on intelligent conversations; all they do is beg me to flex and do pushups and—
“
Story Time!
DING DONG
“What do you want?!”
“UPS Ma’am.”
“What are you doing trespassing on my land?!”
It was a scratchy, woman’s voice. It was my first day as a deliverer. Her lawn looked better than average.
SLAM
I fell back with the wind of the door. The woman opened the door, only to slam it right back into my face. “What in the world…”
I turned as if in a trance, and started walking back towards my truck when the psycho started blaring heavy metal. Then I heard her voice.
“Hey you! Come, have a cookie.”
I turned to see a hunched withered and ogrely woman. She had a tattoo on her left cheek that said “kiss me.”
“Have a cookie,” she said.
I felt terror as though this was like Hansel and Gretel, and I was about to be lured into my doom.
“No, thank you ma’am. I’m just here to drop off this package.”
“Package? Hmm.” She looked at the package, her eyes so far open, she resembled a rat. The Metallica was still screaming.
“I just need you to sign right here, ma’am.”
“Have a cookie.”
“That’s okay—I’m on a di—“
“TAKE ONE.” I felt like a little boy under my mother’s wrath, and obeyed her immediately. The cookies were small and black, the color of scorch and they smelled like fish.
I looked up to see her staring at my mouth.
“You a trumpet player?”
By now, I felt so awkward, I didn’t know who I was.
“Uhh, drummer actually.”
“Eat the cookie.”
“I’ll just save it for later, I’m not really hungry.”
“Eat it now, or I’ll kick you.”
I stared at her in dismay.
She then swiped a cookie from the plate, shoved it in my mouth, then kicked me in my shin, threw the package onto my head, and knelt down gave me a wet smooch on the cheek, and pranced back inside.
I spit the thing out, and quit my job the next day.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Here are some pictures from the India trip!
http://picasaweb.google.com/therachelsawyer/
http://picasaweb.google.com/indialighthouse08
I will put up my pictures here eventually, on the second link..enjoy!
http://picasaweb.google.com/therachelsawyer/
http://picasaweb.google.com/indialighthouse08
I will put up my pictures here eventually, on the second link..enjoy!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Hi!! So! I haven't posted for 2008 years basically...! Just got back from India on Saturday night. It was the longest day ever! We were traveling for 36 hours on the way back, but I slept a lot on the planes. It's been weird transitioning back to being in the States again. I'm feeling just like I don't know where to put all the experiences I had...I don't know how to apply them to my life now. Its such different worlds. I just feel like I need to meditate on everything....and journal about it or something. So that's what I'm kinda doing now. Sometimes, I just find myself staring off into space, recalling images from the trip...but then not feeling like I can grasp the full meaning I felt when I was there. It's just this separation, and feeling of alienation.
I don't really feel like describing everything that happened there right now. I just want to talk about the things I haven't really been able to put into words. I feel like I saw a whole different side of God there. Like God was so much clearer there. Maybe it was because there is such a drastic and obvious difference between Christianity and Hinduism and Islam. Like in the States, everyone basically believes in God to some degree...or they believe such a wide variety of things. In India, you're basically either Hindu or Muslim--and its such a clear cut religion. Even visually obvious--the Hindu dot, and the Muslim black covering. India is only 3% Christian. So I guess I'm trying to say that there's such contrast. In the US, everything's muddled. So the Christians just stuck out in the contrast--the Indian Christians, and our team. Our team already stuck out because we're white...but I think the spiritual contrast made it easier to live entirely in the Spirit--it made us want to show the real Jesus to all the people who were watching (and people were staring!)..maybe BECAUSE they were watching, and also because we felt that urgency that we probably would be one of the very few Christians they would ever encounter.
I've been thinking a lot about the verse "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied." And thinking a lot about what it means to hunger and thirst... I noticed in the Indian Youth for Christ staff that we were with a lot...and at the churches we went to...that they had that hunger for God. At one of the church services, Prahba (he is the national director of YFC) taught about depending on God. We have so many things we can lean back on...our education, our family status, our looks, our friends. We can find comfort in anything, but the only gateway to experiencing life in the way it was created for is to allow God to fill us...say no to the temptations that fill our lives with cheap and artificial comfort. Be willing to dwell in that hunger for a while, and actually wait on God. In my devotional book, it said something like..."only those who want righteousness can ever get it." Do I really want righteousness? I want to want it.
I'm sick of sitting around. I need and want to get involved in a ministry. I'm sick of being a "hearer of the Word" and not necessarily a "doer." I don't want God to be an accessory...I want him to be my passion...in every area of my life! I'm trying to learn what it means to open up doors to Him that I'd never even considered offering before.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Here's our airband from my wing this year!!! It's a Grease medley :) Sadly, we didn't get in to the main show..there were other wings doing Grease that were better I think..haha. anyway..enjoy!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaR0l0X4KR8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaR0l0X4KR8
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
(story time!!)
Little Levi’s Library Adventures
Once upon a time, in a little town by the name of Tristansumi, there lived a little boy by the name of Levi. He was a very little boy. The littlest boy to ever have lived in Tristansumi, in fact. Perhaps the littlest boy to ever have lived—no one had ever left Tristansumi, so who could know for sure?
Little Levi loved to read. Every day after getting off the school bus, instead of going to daycare he would hang out at the public library. With his books. And he would read. And read. And read just a little bit longer. By the age of seven he’d read the entire fiction, children’s, fantasy, biography, sci-fi, and historical fiction sections. By the age of ten, he’d completed all non-fiction books. But there was one section Little Levi refused to read. One section he just couldn’t bring himself to even browse.
Romance. Little Levi had never laid hands on a romance book. Now, don’t think Little Levi wasn’t interested in the subject. Oh, he most definitely was beyond intrigued by it. But he couldn’t bear to be seen with a romance book in his hands—no, especially not with Nelly Higumbothum the librarian around! Nelly Higumbothum was the meanest, ugliest, smelliest, rudest, most disgusting girl in Tristansumi. She was short, and well, more than “full-figured”—her hair was longer than half her body and her feet stuck out to the sides when she (very rarely) walked. She smelled like sweat and rotten soy beans mixed together times ten! And Little Levi would rather shovel goat droppings for the next eight years of his life than touch one of Nelly Higumbothum’s romance novels. You see, romance novels were all Nelly would read. She loved the romance section, and she told Little Levi if ever she found out he bent a page or even misplaced a book, she would give him hundreds of dollars worth of late fees on his library account, and maybe even eat his library card right in front of his face.
Today was the day Levi had nothing left to read at the library except for the romance books, and he was on his way there, sitting in the school bus and staring out the window, wondering just what-in-Tristansumi he was going to do.
“I have nothing to look forward to in life,” he said, for had already read every book he could. He laid down on his bus seat (it was the perfect size for Little Levi) and sighed.
Just then, there was a “SCRREEEEEECH!” and a “BAH-AAH-AHH” and a “THUD!” and a “Whoa-OOOOHHH!! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!”
“What in Tar nation is wrong with this blasted town!? A man can’t even do his darned job without some dingbat herd of lamb chops trying to stampede the doggone road!” said an outraged Danny. There had happened to be a herd of sheep that had escaped from Jip’s Barn and wandered into the road, causing poor Danny the bus driver to attack his brakes, which in turn caused poor Little Levi to fly off his bus seat, smack onto the floor and roll all the way to the front of the bus, getting whacked all the way by each pair of feet in front of him.
Little Levi groaned, opening his eyes to see many other eyes peering over the bus seats at him.
“You alright there little buddy?” Danny said.
“Just fine,” said Little Levi as he crawled up onto his new seat.
“I wonder if he’ll ever get any bigger,” he heard someone whisper. But as people started back into their normal gossip, Levi noticed who he was sitting next to. It was Rina Calvin, one of those up-and-coming most popular girls in school. She normally sat at the back of the bus with the high-schoolers, even though she was still just an eighth-grader. Levi had hardly noticed she was there—she had her head turned so all he could see was her dark fro. He stared into the blackness for a while, probably still recovering from the tumble.
“What chu lookin’ at?” Rina said, back still turned.
Little Levi bounced in his seat. “Nothing.” He looked down at his dangling feet. “What are you looking at?”
“Daaanng kid. Why don’t you just shut up?” she said, finally turning to give him a look.
“Okay.” And Levi stared straight forward. He was stunned to see her blood-shot eyes and wet cheeks. He had just witnessed the tears of Rina Calvin.
The bus pulled up at his stop—the library.
“Well, hope you have a good day,” Levi said and hopped out of his seat and off the bus. “See ya, Danny.”
As Little Levi walked towards the library, he wasn’t really sure what he was going to do. Since he couldn’t read the romance books, he thought he’d try to ask Nelly if they had, by chance, gotten any new books in recently. He entered the library with a deep breath (he hated talking to Nelly Higumbothum because her breath always smelled like plaque, and she had a tendency to unknowingly gleek on him), but as he approached the front desk, there was an entirely different figure there than the round hairy disaster that would usually describe Nelly.
“Yippee! Nelly is gone! This is the best day of my life! My first chance ever to read a romance novel,” thought Levi. If Little Levi was a book-worm, he was preparing himself for a dirt feast!
Just then Levi heard someone entering the library—and Little Levi’s heart sank like a paratrooper without a parachute.
“Nelly is back to secure my doom. Of course she would never trust her romance books to another employee,” he thought. But much to Little Levi’s surprise and relief, it wasn’t Nelly at the door but Rina! “That’s odd.” Levi thought. “I wonder why she chose to get off the bus here. From my evaluations, Rina is not a reading-type girl.” Little Levi was also a very intuitive little boy for a ten-year-old.
His attention turned back to the new librarian. The new librarian peered down at Levi. He was a lanky nerdy-looking fellow, but had a look of quirky happiness in his eyes. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Yes, where is Ms. Higumbothum, the old librarian today?”
“Ms. Higumbothum? I’ve never met her. Someone just called me over at the library in Frockshire saying this library would need some help today. I was told there was a crisis in the family and the librarian was unable to come to work. My name’s
“Okay, thanks!” said Levi. And he took off across the room to the romance section. “Yay! I can read new books! I can read new books today! This is the best day of my life!” Little Levi thought, as he sped around a shelf of books. And of course, Little Levi was so excited, he didn’t look where he was going and smacked right into Rina.
“Boy, what chu think you’re doin! Are you crazay!?”
“Uh, sorry Rina. I just really wanted to go read.”
“You like reading? Daannng boy, you must be crazay!” she said, shaking her head. And she wandered off to a different section.
Little Levi spent the rest of the day reading. Hours passed, and he was just finishing his fifth book. “This truly is the best day of my life!” Little Levi thought as he closed the book. He looked at his watch. 8:50pm! The library was closing in ten minutes! “Oh shuckers! I don’t want to leave. The check out limit is only five books per account. Nelly will probably be back tomorrow and I won’t be able to read any new books ever again. It’s not fair. I just can’t accept this.” Then a heinous and very un-Levi thought entered Little Levi’s head. “I’ll just hide out! I can stay here all night, and no one will ever know!”
Little Levi grabbed a new book and climbed the shelf up to the very top and laid down flat on his back, grinning in his genius. A few minutes later, the lights shut off, and some doors shut and Little Levi was all alone in the library. He jumped off the book shelf and ran around in excitement. “This is going to be so much fun!” he chuckled. He went to the front desk with a stack of romance novels and found a little desk lamp he could read by. And he read. And read. And read just a little bit longer. Then his head fell to the desk and Little Levi was asleep in the library.
Little Levi awoke to a grunt and a burp and a gasp and then a growl and then the pain of being smacked over the head with a book. His fun was over. Nelly Higumbothum was back and fully prepared to torture him for his crimes.
Nelly didn’t even speak words; her rage would only come out in growls and other indiscernible language. Little Levi finally escaped after he had come to some level of awareness and fled through the library doors. He ran all the way home (his house was only a few blocks from the library). Just as he got home, his school bus arrived and Little Levi just hopped back on the bus—he didn’t feel like facing his parents anyway. The next stop was Rina Calvin’s house, and she chose to sit next to Levi on the bus.
“Have fun reading yesterday, Levi?”
“Yep! I did! What were you doing there yesterday anyway? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Uhm. Well. My doctor said I’ve got this disease, right? I was just lookin’ at some books about it.” She looked at her hot pink Blackberry. “Yeah, I’m gonna go there again to do a little more research today.”
“Hey, maybe I can help you. I’ve read almost every book in the library.” So after school, Rina and Levi got off the bus together at the library, but Little Levi wouldn’t go inside.
“Uh, I can’t go in there anymore,” Little Levi said.
“Huh?”
“The librarian hates me.”
“Uh, she hates everyone! C’mon!” Rina dragged Little Levi through the doors.
When Nelly Higumbothum saw Little Levi, heat rose to her face. She grabbed a box of pencils and threw them at Levi. She thundered towards him with a cart full of books and shoved it in his direction.
It was then at Rina gave her a piece of her mind.
“Woman! Why don’t you get a life? You got nothin’ better to do than bully a baby boy? You pathetic! Look atchu. You’re disgusting and fat and just rude. I don’t even know how you got this daaanng job. If you keep actin’ like this though, Imma make sure you lose it!”
As Rina continued to chew Nelly out,
“You!” Nelly stuck an ugly finger at
Nelly pounced onto
“That is just not how a person in a library should be behaving.” said
Little Levi and Rina looked at each other and smiled because
Nelly never returned to the library. In fact, she disappeared entirely from Tristansumi. Legend has it that she was too ashamed to come back to the library—not for the way she was acting of course. But that she lost a fight—with a scrawny college boy, no less! It is thought that she lives in a hut out in the forest, writing her own romance novels under a pen name, as to hide her true identity (and perhaps because no one could ever get published with a name like “Nelly Higumbothum”).
Little Levi and Rina continued with school and became almost best friends. Rina was able to raise Little Levi’s social status as much as she could, and he even got a date once for a middle school dance. Little Levi was able to educate Rina about her disease, which happened to be a rare form of late-adolescent invisible chicken pox, and she went to a good doctor who cured her.
THE END
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
College Applicant
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU in response to this question:
IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU in response to this question:
IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abrstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week: when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.
I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
(The author was accepted to NYU.)
Monday, July 23, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Hey there's a couple new Christian bands I've discovered recently ~ One is called "Rush of Fools" and the other one, "Byword" came and played at my church last Sunday.
There's some samples of their music on these links! Also, on www.rhapsody.com you can listen to full length songs for free. :)
Rush of Fools
Byword
There's some samples of their music on these links! Also, on www.rhapsody.com you can listen to full length songs for free. :)
Rush of Fools
Byword
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
What's Nice About Being Home:
1) No shower shoes........................
2) Mountains and lots of pretty pine trees!
3) Playing with cats and dogs
3) Little kids and old people and babies!! (aka: Jonathan)
4) Being walking-distance to civilization (yes, it is civilization)
5) Seeing cooler cars ~ aka: non-American cars....
6) REAL Mexican food...
7) Good food in general.
8) Sleeping in :)
9) More sophisticated looking people!
10) And of course...friends and family ;)
1) No shower shoes........................
2) Mountains and lots of pretty pine trees!
3) Playing with cats and dogs
3) Little kids and old people and babies!! (aka: Jonathan)
4) Being walking-distance to civilization (yes, it is civilization)
5) Seeing cooler cars ~ aka: non-American cars....
6) REAL Mexican food...
7) Good food in general.
8) Sleeping in :)
9) More sophisticated looking people!
10) And of course...friends and family ;)
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Well, only 15 more days of school left I believe!! It still feels like summer is far away. Megan told me yesterday that A Book For All Seasons is hiring!! I'd LOVE to work there :) especially since it's right next door to Starbucks where she is working and we could visit each other all the time :) And..I could probably just read books all day when there is free time ;) Also, I applied at the Leavenworth Echo to do copy editing or something, and they seemed interested because the person they have right now is ill and might be wanting to quit soon...but, it's not that promising right now. Anyway, I'm excited for summer!...and doing everything we have on our excellent list of funness!! (Rachel: I am still patiently awaiting the final copy...!)
Okay, what else. We bought carpet yesterday for our new room for next year. Still trying to sell our lofts. I've been having a grand time procrastinating things lately! And it really has been good. I really think procrastination is healthy sometimes :) I think this is a pretty good article for serious justification: http://www.paulgraham.com/procrastination.html
In other news...I've been wondering a lot about the meaning of weakness. Sometimes, I just feel so incredibly weak, in all different ways and I just have been thinking a lot lately about what that means, and all it's good and bad connotations. Usually, when I'm in the midst of feeling weak, I don't like it at all...but then, I know that to be weak is also supposed to be a somewhat good quality I think in the Bible. I looked up verses that have the word "weak" in it and this is what I got:
Romans 5:6 ~ For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one whill scarely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die. But God showed his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
1 Cor. 1:27 ~ But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.
1 Cor. 8:9 ~ But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak.
1 Cor. 9:22 ~ To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak, I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.
2 Cor. 12:10 ~ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Hebrews 12:12 ~ Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.
1 Cor. 12:22 ~ On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable
2 Cor. 12:5 ~ On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses.
Okay, what else. We bought carpet yesterday for our new room for next year. Still trying to sell our lofts. I've been having a grand time procrastinating things lately! And it really has been good. I really think procrastination is healthy sometimes :) I think this is a pretty good article for serious justification: http://www.paulgraham.com/procrastination.html
In other news...I've been wondering a lot about the meaning of weakness. Sometimes, I just feel so incredibly weak, in all different ways and I just have been thinking a lot lately about what that means, and all it's good and bad connotations. Usually, when I'm in the midst of feeling weak, I don't like it at all...but then, I know that to be weak is also supposed to be a somewhat good quality I think in the Bible. I looked up verses that have the word "weak" in it and this is what I got:
Romans 5:6 ~ For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one whill scarely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die. But God showed his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
1 Cor. 1:27 ~ But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.
1 Cor. 8:9 ~ But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak.
1 Cor. 9:22 ~ To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak, I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.
2 Cor. 12:10 ~ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Hebrews 12:12 ~ Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.
1 Cor. 12:22 ~ On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable
2 Cor. 12:5 ~ On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses.
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